


Flying With You

by CursedRedRose



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Circus, Awkwardness, Crying, Drunkenness, Exactly What It Says on the Tin, Fluff, Love at First Sight, M/M, Slow Burn, The Greatest Showman, These two are dorks, Victor's parents, many song references, rewriting the stars, seriously i need to stop
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-03-01 06:59:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 58,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13289535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CursedRedRose/pseuds/CursedRedRose
Summary: "Young man, all the lost can be found in the crown of the circus king. You'll fit in perfectly."Victor is a playwright who craves something new from his dull high society life. Yuuri is an outcasted trapeze artist who finds security in the circus where everyone else stays on the ground below him.Both are lost souls who cannot be together. But is there a way to rewrite the stars?The Greatest Showman AU I haven't been able to stop myself from writing.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi and welcome to the greatest show... well not really but it's a new fic so yay!
> 
> I haven't written or posted anything for ages, mainly thanks to my uni work and mental health deciding to hate on me but for the first time in a while, I feel good and I want to write. And after going to see The Greatest Showman I was really inspired to do what I love again, plus I've been listening to the songs on repeat for days now... 
> 
> Please enjoy!
> 
> (I also make no apologies for all the lines I'm going to shamelessly quote here)

“Well Mr Nikiforov,” the large man with a ponytail like a lion’s mane and a smile wider than the Seine said with glee as he extended a huge meaty palm across the table. “It looks like we have an agreement. Welcome aboard!”

His companion smiled as he took the large hand in his own, his slender pale fingers a strange eerie contrast to the other’s hardened bronze skin. “It appears that we do Mr Cialdini, thank you for agreeing to my proposition.” He replied smoothly. “Another drink to celebrate?”

Mr Cialdini chuckled. “The day I turn down a drink someone else is paying for is the day you should carry me out of here feet first. And please, call me Ciao Ciao. Everyone in the circus calls me that thanks to one of my young proteges and despite my many attempts, I can’t quite shake it off. Still, it sounds better in the papers and now you’re one of us, it seems only fitting you should use it too. Besides, being called Mr Cialdini seems strange to me now.”

“Of course, Ciao Ciao.” His new business partner answered with a hint of a smirk in his voice. With one hand, he motioned to the overworked bartender for another round, ignoring the sour look the man gave him before he slipped a crisp note into his hand. “In that case, you must call me Victor. I can’t stand being Mr Nikiforov, it sounds far too much like my father’s name.”

“I thought that was Lord Nikiforov.” Ciao Ciao replied with a bellowing laugh that quickly ceased when the bartender hurried over to their small table that had been squashed into the corner of the bar into a booth that only just allowed two people to squeeze in. He poured a large measure of clear amber liquid into their glasses and slyly took another note from Victor before scurrying back to the relative safety of the counter. The two men picked up their glasses and held them high for a toast as they clicked them together.

“To a new and exciting partnership!” Ciao Ciao cried out, his booming voice that he usually reserved for the ring causing some nearby patrons to jump and spill their drinks. He then took a great gulp of the burning liquid before setting his glass back down on the smoky wood of the table and eyeing Victor curiously as he only took a sip.

“You know, I was very surprised when you called me here tonight Victor. People of your sort don’t usually want to associate with me and they never want to even hear about my circus, let alone ask for a share in it.” He raised a thick dark brow and his light green eyes seemed to spark. “Is the theatre not generating enough income for you?”

“Not at all.” The silver-haired man answered, his cool blue eyes matching those of the other man easily. “My fifth play recently opened to rave reviews and tickets have been sold out across New York for the next three weeks. It’s not a matter of money, I assure you.”

“Then what? Fame?” Ciao Ciao quizzed him further. “I would have thought you of all people would have enough of that- your name is on the lips of everyone in high society, in both Europe and America. People practically fight to get to you at your parties, I’ve seen people close to tearing out each other’s eyes just to try and talk to you. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes.”

Victor chuckled. “You flatter me Ciao Ciao.”

“I only speak the truth Victor.”

“That’s new for you, I’m sure. I’ve heard about how fake you can be.”

Ciao Ciao gave a large grin. “I never lie Victor. Lying gets you into trouble and I’ve never been in trouble, have I?” Victor gave a nod- he had to concede that to the man notorious for his bold business and brash manner. “All I’ve ever engaged in is a little bit of hyperbole and if that makes people happy and leaves them entertained, where is the crime?”

“I can’t argue with you there.” Victor smiled and Ciao Ciao gave another nod as if to settle the matter. “I think the fact that your circus is booming and the talk of the country, if not the world, speaks for itself.”

“Exactly but you still haven’t answered my question young man,” Ciao Ciao continued, his face looming forwards and his eyes gleaming like a shark in the dim light. He shook a finger at Victor like he was a schoolmaster telling him off but in his bright red ringmaster coat and with his wild ponytail and sideburns, Victor couldn’t think of a man who looked less like a stuffy governor. “Why are you here and not at some society ball wooing all the young damsels out of their stockings? I know and you know that you could have the pick of them all and probably have the pick of the young men too. I can’t think of many who would refuse a Nikiforov, especially if it was you.”

“You listen to a lot of rumours Ciao Ciao.” Victor replied, taking another sip of his still full drink and Ciao Ciao couldn’t help but notice how out of place he looked among the dirty light of the bar he owned. It was all too easy to see that he didn’t quite fit into this world of dark boozy air, lingering stinks of cheap perfume to cover up the smell of sweat and floors littered with sawdust, peanut shells and tattered wrappers like abandoned pieces of confetti. Victor Nikiforov stood out like a sore thumb, so much so that if the scene had been a painting, he would have been a sketch added later by a better artist trying to redeem it. His pale skin seemed to absorb all the light around him, making him glow like a ghost against the dark wood of the booth that enclosed them and the effect was not helped by his short silver hair and his round blue eyes, bright as circus silk. His sharply cut black suit, his black top hat and the crimson silk scarf that fluttered limply over his shoulders suggested what world he truly belonged in, one where he was elegantly sipping champagne in a grand ballroom and discussing the opera with others who shared his noble heritage. Instead, he was gulping back whisky in a bar at the back of the circus hall, shaking hands with a man who had been born to a tailor, had lived on the streets and was now one of the most infamous figures in high society. Ciao Ciao watched him as he twirled his glass in his elegant hands that had written so many great plays. He was almost like one of the oddities in his circus, he thought, except this man could do anything he wanted. The world is his oyster… so what is he doing here among the outcasts?

“I listen to rumours because rumours determine reputation and in my job, everything depends on reputation. It’s almost my currency and it’s certainly my greatest asset,” Ciao Ciao said. “I thrive on reputation and infamy, I need it to survive- without it, I wouldn’t have crowds flocking to my show, crowds that would rival those of your plays. And I know from keeping my ear to the ground that you have a very different reputation from me. You’re respected, admired, adored even… you don’t need this to live like I do. I just I’m just an old man wondering why someone like you would risk it all to run away with the circus.”

Victor paused, seemingly pondering his answer as he swallowed back the rest of his drink in one go and laid the empty glass back on the table with no hint of his previous delicacy.

“I’m tired.” He declared finally, like the words were a great weight off his chest. “I’m tired and I’m bored and I need to get out of that place. Do you know what the subject of my last play was? It was about a king who is at the centre of his court and is adored by all but because of his status, he cannot trust anyone and he just gets more and more lonely up in his ivory tower before he eventually throws himself off it. Well, Ciao Ciao I feel like I’m on top of that tower and if I don’t do something now, I will throw myself off. High society is such a horrible place, I don’t know why you aspire to it honestly- it is filled with small-minded people who can’t admit that they are because then it would destroy everything they pretend about themselves. It felt like I was in a cage- even though I could travel the world, I was not free. I can’t do what I want because their eyes are always on me, watching my every move… and I’m so tired of it.” 

He fell silent, his stiff body suddenly going limp like a puppet who had just been cut from its strings. His crystal blue eyes suddenly looked grey and glassy as they stared intensely down at the table, his fingers flicking at his glass and Ciao Ciao felt a stab of panic. Victor looked like the life had been sucked out of him and he looked on the verge of a breakdown. Then, like he had just been shot through with a jolt of electricity, Victor looked back up at him with some colour back in his eyes and an almost wry grin on his face.

“Sorry,” he said quickly before Ciao Ciao could say a word. “Even talking about it exhausts me… spending time with all those people is just so draining, I can sometimes feel it drawing the life from me… That’s the reason I’m here Ciao Ciao. I want to live a little, laugh a little, I need to do something that gets me away from this hellish situation and gives me a new role. I need a new part to play and that’s what I want you to give me. You give everyone who comes to your circus a chance to be something else, to be anything that they want. All I want is the same.”

Ciao Ciao gave him a wide smile before he gathered up both their glasses in one hand. He then stood up and guided Victor out of his seat and past the bar, where he dropped both glasses into the lap of the relieved bartender.

“I was so hoping you would say something like that,” the large man grinned as he pulled Victor along with the strength of a bear. “All that’s left to do is show you around the place.”

“Really?” Victor said, like he couldn’t quite believe his outburst had had such an effect. Ciao Ciao once again chuckled. 

“Young man, all the lost can be found in the crown of the circus king. You’ll fit in perfectly.”

OOO

“And this is what happens just before the show, we all do a run-through, just to make sure… mind your step here, there’s a lot of rope and if you get tangled up in that, you’ll be sent shooting up to the ceiling…”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Victor said as he carefully stepped in the gaps between the large coils of rope that had practically taken over the floor. They looked almost like sleeping pythons and Victor winced whenever his feet nudged them, fearful almost that they would wake up. “Are things usually this… chaotic?”

“Oh certainly,” Ciao Ciao answered proudly. “I always think that if there is chaos before a show, that shows everyone is working as hard as possible to get their acts right and if they do that, then the show runs more smoothly. There is method in our madness as you will see.”

“I’m sure I will,” Victor answered diplomatically as he nearly tripped over another large rope and stumbled to keep up with Ciao Ciao’s long strides. “So how many individual acts do we have here? There are an awful lot of people…”

“Not all these people are performers, my dear boy. I employ a large number of stagehands to make sure that everything is shipshape around here- we can’t have an accident on our hands, that could be disastrous if the papers took it the wrong way and said we were a death trap…” Ciao Ciao explained with a shake of his head. “We also have security- some of the townsfolk don’t like us being here and they can get rowdy, I’ve had to break up fights before between the acts and the crowd… not very nice at all. But don’t let that put you off. Nobody here is violent at all, we’re just like one big family and so of course we protect our own.”

“That’s understandable.” Victor replied; he had already heard of some of the violence that had broken out around the circus and knew it was part of the reason many of his class shunned it. However, he suspected many of the stories had either been exaggerated or had left out crucial facts on how they started; nobody ever mentioned the role the openly prejudiced crowds had to play. “Is there anyone in particular I should get to know?”

“Why, everybody!” Ciao Ciao cried out heartily. “Everyone has their part to play here, it’s what makes the show what it is. Let me give you a quick run through, we have JJ our strongman- he can lift three men clean above his head but I wouldn’t talk about it too much in front of him, when he starts boasting, his ego could outgrow our entire ring… then we have Mila, she’s our hypnotist so she may look sweet but don’t look in her eyes for too long or she’ll have you swinging from the rafters before you know it. Georgi is our make-up artist, he’s a wonder but he’s a bigger drama queen than any of the performers and that is saying something… Seung-gil is our costume-man, he’s a great visionary and a wizard with material but don’t ask for anything rainbow-coloured or feathered… he tends to save that for himself.” Ciao Ciao gave a pained expression, like he was recalling a recent disturbing memory before he shook it off and carried on, his cane rapping on the floor with every heavy step he took.

“Anyway, where was I? Ah yes, we also have our troop of dancers led by Chris- very remarkable man, I imagine you will get along with him quite well… there are several dancers in his group that are extraordinary, they can bend their bodies into shapes I didn’t even know existed. Then there are our twins, Sara and Michele, two of our best acrobats and our resident fire dancers. They move in such sync, you’d think it was one person dancing with a mirror. Sara sometimes helps out with our resident magician Emil as his assistant when Isabella can’t do it but her brother tends to have an issue with that, he’s very protective you see…” 

“Hey!” A loud angry voice with a heavy Russian accent suddenly cut Ciao Ciao’s flow of words short. Victor turned his head and his eyes widened as a small figure that barely came up to his shoulder crossly stomped over to where the two of them had been forced to halt. The young man looked almost as out of place as he did; he shared the same ethereal pale skin as Victor, his chin-length hair was so blond it appeared almost white and his thin face was as pointed and sharp as cut ice. His body was delicate like that of a fey, with a light airy frame and long slender limbs that could have belonged to a ballerina. In any other context, he would have looked graceful but the enraged expression on the boy’s face was the furthest thing from graceful Victor had ever come across. His limbs were tense with boiling anger and his hands were balled into fists like he was about to punch the ringmaster. Despite the fact that Ciao Ciao was significantly taller and wider than him, the young man was clearly not intimidated as he jabbed an accusing finger in his face and continued to yell at him.

“Ciao Ciao, you twit!”

“Ah, hello Yuri,” Ciao Ciao smiled, seemingly not deterred by the display of anger in front of him. “Is there a problem?”

“Yeah there’s a fucking problem!” Yuri yelled in a voice so loud, Victor was surprised the crowd gathering outside for the show couldn’t hear him. “There’s a massive fucking problem! That vet you sent to look at Potya was a complete charlatan who had no idea what he was doing and she’s still not feeling well! She’s been restless all day and she still can’t keep her food down and I swear the medicine that quack gave her is making her worse! How am I supposed to do the show with a sick tiger? I am not taking her out there just so she can throw up in front of everyone!”

“That’s a shame,” Ciao Ciao replied. “I wasn’t sure about that vet myself but there aren’t many medical professionals in New York willing to come out and look at a fully-grown tiger… Can’t you use one of your other big cats for the show tonight? Potya has a daughter, doesn’t she?”

“Yes, but she’s still just a cub!” Yuri roared, his blue-green eyes flaring like raging spotlights. “I haven’t got her fully-trained yet, she’s still too young to go out in front of an audience! As for the others, Ruslan is having mane trouble, it’s going grey and I don’t want people to laugh at him and think he’s old, Tatiana is still going through some teething difficulties and Alyona has only just arrived here, she’s still got some travel sickness and these idiots stagehands have no clue how to handle a puma…”

“I’m sure everything will be fine.” Ciao Ciao said calmly, waving his hand and making Yuri stop. “Ruslan is the most experienced, I would use him tonight and I’m sure Georgi can do something with his mane to make it look less grey. I would also point out that he is a fully grown male lion Yuri- I don’t think the audience are going to laugh at him.”

“They better not,” Yuri growled in a way that was very reminiscent of a big cat. “Or else I’ll kick them in the face!”

“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.” Ciao Ciao said brightly, clearly relieved. “Now go get Ruslan ready, I’m sure he’ll need a run through like the rest of us.”

Yuri scoffed. “Like shit he does. Ruslan’s a true professional and he could wipe the floor with everyone here.” It was only then when he seemed to notice Victor’s presence as he suddenly turned to look him up and down and gave a sneer.

“Who’s this posh-looking knob?”

“Language Yuri.” Ciao Ciao said sternly before waving a hand in Victor’s direction. “This is Victor Nikiforov, he’s going to be our new director so I expect you to treat him with the greatest respect. The man is a genius.”

“Yeah whatever.” Yuri sniffed, clearly not impressed. “Just stay away from me and my cats, alright?” He gave a huff and with one last glare thrown at the two of them, he stalked off towards the back of the building. “Georgi! Where are you, you emo half-wit, I need your sorry arse to look at Ruslan…”

“I’m sorry about that,” Ciao Ciao said, quickly steering Victor away from the death trap of ropes on the floor and leading him up a set of steep wooden steps. “Yuri is very young and likes to push boundaries, especially with new people. He can be very defensive, especially when it comes to his big cats, but he really is quite a nice young man when you get to know him and he is the best tiger trainer I’ve ever seen.”

“That boy tames tigers?!” Victor gulped out astonished. 

“And every other kind of big cat you can think of.” Ciao Ciao chuckled. “The boy absolutely loves them. He has two tigers, Potya and her little one Olga, she was his first cat and he’s very fond of her as you can tell, two lions Ruslan and Tatiana and he only recently got a puma in and he’s already badgering me for a panther!” He shook his head affectionately. “That boy would have me buy him a whole zoo of cats but he is one of our star attractions. I’m sure he’ll come round to you.”

“I hope so.” Victor thought, imagining briefly what would happen if he made Yuri mad. He’d probably set one of his cats on me, he thought with another gulp as he placed his hand on his throat. It was only then when he looked down and realised how high up the two of them were. They were nearly at the very top of the stairs and as he looked down, the ground looked a very long way away. 

“Ciao Ciao, where exactly are you taking me?”

The ringmaster gave a laugh. “Don’t worry about the height Victor, this place is very stable- it needs to be otherwise none of the acrobats would perform here.” He gave another loud barking laugh before quickly signaling Victor to be quiet. “I’m taking you up here so you can see two of the best stars in my show. They are both my young proteges, I’ve known them since they were both children and they are truly spectacular. They are both rehearsing right now on the trapeze but one of them is very shy and he doesn’t like strangers seeing him practice so you’re going to have to be very quiet.”

Victor gave a nod as Ciao Ciao quietly led him to a platform high above the ring. From up there, he could see the whole circus at work, the performers and stagehands below in a flurry of activity to get ready for the show but his attention was instantly snatched from the ground by the two swooping figures that were diving through the air in front of him. Victor could hear himself gasp as he watched them; one of the few things he had heard about the circus from his peers that hadn’t been entirely damning was that the two flying acrobats on the trapeze were incredibly talented. One review had even stated that they looked like they barely needed the ropes; they looked like they could fly. He had thought that had been an exaggeration, perhaps one paid for by the ringmaster but he could see now that it was true; in fact, it might have been an understatement.

He watched breathless as the two figures dressed in bright purple silk darted and dived in front of him, cartwheeling and spinning through the air like their bodies were weightless. There were several ropes and trapezes hanging at random points from the ceiling above their heads and the two passed seamlessly from one to the other like they weren’t there at all. The whole effect was spellbinding and they were both so fast, it was difficult to catch both their faces. He could tell that one of them was a lot darker than the other and he seemed to move a lot faster than the other, always moving to catch them from certain peril before throwing them back in the air.

“Heads up Yuuri!” He called over to the other man who was cutting through the air gracefully. “We need to work on that last spin! Don’t get lazy on me now!”

Victor thought he heard a laugh from the other end of the ring before a blur of spinning purple leapt onto the trapeze. Victor watched as the lean figure twisted his body upside down in the air, catching the swinging bar with his bent legs before it swung towards the platform. We’re going to be seen, Victor thought suddenly as he realised the trapeze was swinging straight towards the platform. He was about to make a move to spring out of the way when the trapeze shot up in front of him, leaving his eyes level with that of the man on the swing.

And it was then when time stopped.

Victor felt his mouth drop open and his hand reached up to sweep his top hat off his head as he stared into the eyes of the most beautiful man he had ever seen. Two large pools of dark brown, slightly widened by shock and framed with sparkling black eyeliner, were staring back at him and for a second, Victor felt like he was about to drown in them. The man had a soft-looking rounded face with cheeks bright pink from exertion and locks of the softest black hair Victor could ever recall seeing were tumbling into his face, either stuck there with sweat or left floating in the air. His lightly tanned skin was flawless and his lips were held slightly apart in a way that made Victor’s knees feel a little weak. His arms were held outstretched, one to his side and one that pointed directly at Victor, like he was asking him to take it and god, did Victor want to…

And then suddenly the moment was broken and he was gone. Victor blinked as the man went tumbling back down, falling in an arch before swooping back up and letting go of the trapeze. He curled his body up into a ball and span rapidly three times in the air before unfurling himself and holding his arms out straight. It was at that moment when the other figure flew forwards on the other trapeze and caught him before swinging them both onto the other platform where they promptly disappeared from sight behind a curtain without a glance backwards.

Victor was stunned. His body felt frozen in place, his hand halfway from his head still gripping at his top hat, but his body had never felt warmer in his life. Something he had never felt before and never imagined he would was trickling into his veins and he suddenly wanted to run and dance around the ring, singing his heart out like he had never wanted before, but instead, he stayed firmly rooted in position.

“Ciao Ciao,” he finally managed to choke out. “Who… was that?”

“That was Yuuri Katsuki,” Ciao Ciao answered, looking like he was barely suppressing a grin. “He’s a particularly brilliant talent, a true star in the making. He and his friend Phichit are most certainly our main attraction, the two of them are wondrous, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Indeed they are.” Victor close to whispered, sounding like all the air had been taken from his lungs. Ciao Ciao gave another laugh.

“Welcome to the other side my friend.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor meets Yuuri and another member of the circus comes to his aid

“Yuuri! Did you see that!?” Phichit squealed excitedly as his best friend and fellow performer dragged him off the trapeze platform and hurriedly pulled him down the stairs. “That was Victor Nikiforov, the Victor Nikiforov! And he was looking straight at you!”

“I know Phichit!” Yuuri hissed back, his face aflame with embarrassment that only got worse as his friend continued to smirk at him. “I know it was him, I could hardly fail to recognise him!”

“Yeah, since you have his picture taped to your dressing room mirror.” Phichit grinned slyly as Yuuri angrily pouted at him before once again tugging at his sleeve. The problem was that the silky material was incredibly slippery and every time he tried to grab at it, his fingers slid off and Phichit was able to wriggle free and torment him. “And I know you used to kiss it every night.”

“Shut up!” Yuuri hissed angrily before he shoved them both behind a large pile of props. “That is not important right now! The important question is, why the hell is he here? Nobody of his status ever buys a ticket to our show let alone comes backstage and watches our rehearsal!”

“Maybe he heard about a certain person who’s had a crush on him ever since he saw his picture in a news sheet?” Phichit teased him as he tried to peer around the corner. Yuuri however, was pushing back against him and, even though Phichit was strong, he still couldn’t match his friend. 

“C’mon, be serious.”

“I am!” Phichit insisted. “He must have heard of us! You’ve seen some of the reviews people have given us!”

“Only when you force me to read them.” Yuuri said. “You know how I feel about reading things about me, most of it is usually so horrible…”

“Poppycock!” Phichit close to shouted as Yuuri quickly hushed him. “Most of it is praising you to the stars for your talents and you know it! The only ones that ever say anything bad are those racist pieces of shit who can’t see past your race and their opinion is worth nothing!”

“Phichit, please…” Yuuri close to begged him when he had finished his tirade. He kept glancing back over his shoulder and every time he heard a voice approach, he looked like he was on the verge of panicking. “Somebody will hear you!”

“I want them to hear!” Phichit said just as loudly. “Everyone should know that you’re amazing Yuuri, it’s just a fact! Victor Nikiforov should be proud that someone like you should have a giant crush on him!”

“For the last time Phichit, it wasn’t a crush,” Yuuri said. “I admired him for his work. His plays are amazing Phichit, I don’t see how anyone could not admire him. What I would give just for the chance to go see one of his plays…”

“I don’t see why you can’t.” Phichit said, placing his hands on his hips. “You’ve got the money for it, haven’t you?”

“I have but… I can’t, you know I can’t.” Yuuri said, his face looking defeated. “I’ll get laughed out of the theatre and even if I did get in, I couldn’t bear to sit there with all those people staring and whispering about me behind their hands…”

“They won’t do that Yuuri!” Phichit cried out, his voice frustrated from a conversation the two of them had had over a thousand times. “And if they do, you just have to rise above it! You’re worth a million of all those people, why don’t you see that?”

“Phichit, can we please have this conversation in our dressing room? Please?” Yuuri pleaded with him, clasping his hands in front of his face. When Phichit fell into a grumpy silence, he shot him a quick relieved smile and darted his head around the corner.

“OK, I think the coast is-”

“Yuuri! Phichit! Just the men I was looking for!” The loud voice of their ringmaster suddenly boomed from directly behind them, making Yuuri jump with a loud squeak and causing Phichit to wickedly grin. “That was a splendid rehearsal, boys! Do that in the show later and you’ll have them eating out of your hands!”

“Yes Sir, Ciao Ciao!” Phichit responded enthusiastically, giving him a cheeky little salute and making the large man roll his eyes. Yuuri, who would have usually scolded him by that point, wasn’t even focused on his friend’s antics. Instead, he was staring at the tall thin man by Ciao Ciao’s side, his face flushed a delicate pink as he found himself unable to look away. 

Victor Nikiforov was every bit as handsome in person as Yuuri thought he would be. He didn’t want to think of how many countless hours he had spent gazing at various different pictures of the handsome Russian playwright, daydreaming about what it would be like to meet him, but he had never imagined it would actually happen or that the real man would outstrip every picture he had ever seen so easily. His short silver hair was perfectly placed under his silken top hat and his lean body was dressed immaculately in a suit that fitted him to perfection. His pale skin was like smooth china and his wide eyes put all the sapphires the society ladies wore around their necks to shame. Those eyes were at that moment looking into his own and like the strongest magnets, he was drawn to them in a way he couldn’t explain. They seemed almost tinged with sadness and they put an ache in Yuuri’s heart; in that moment, all he wanted to do was take that sadness away.

The two of them were so absorbed staring at each other that they didn’t notice when Ciao Ciao and Phichit shared a sly glance. When Ciao Ciao finally spoke again and broke the moment, he took a little joy watching as the two jumped and then looked away guiltily. 

“Yuuri, Phichit, I’d like you to meet the newest member of our little circus family,” he announced loudly as he addressed the two acrobats. “This is Victor Nikiforov, you may already know of him. Victor, this is Phichit Chulanot and Yuuri Katsuki, our two finest acrobats as you just witnessed.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Phichit said cheerily, reaching out for Victor’s hand and shaking it enthusiastically. Victor returned the excited gesture but almost winced when the small dark hand gripped his own; although it was small, his hand was as strong as a gorilla and he was glad when the acrobat finally freed him from his grasp.

“The pleasure is all mine, Mr Chulanot.” he replied smoothly, refusing to show any discomfort before he turned back to Yuuri and his words crumbled in his throat. The man that was standing in front of him was so beautiful, he wasn’t sure how he had kept his composure; it felt like one word could slip from his mouth and he would be a gibbering mess on the floor. Those big brown eyes he had seen earlier on the trapeze were staring at him again, out from the face of this amazing creature who had flown through the sky like a bird and for a moment, he felt like checking the back of the purple silk for wings. Surely no man this stunning could be earthly… 

He almost jumped when a hand suddenly took his and its warmth felt like electricity sparking up his arm. He was surprised at how Yuuri’s hand felt in his own; although it was small and dainty against his own long thin hands, the skin of his palm was rough and calloused from years of gripping ropes and swinging from trapezes. It was unlike any hand Victor had come across before and he only reluctantly let go. “And Mr Katsuki.” He said, finally finding his voice. “You looked wonderful up there on the trapeze. I was simply lost for words.”

“Really?” Yuuri’s checks suddenly bloomed like red flowers and Victor again felt like melting to the floor. “Thank you, I’m glad you liked it.”

“Yuuri is very talented Mr Nikiforov,” Phichit suddenly butted in from Yuuri’s side, smiling proudly like a devoted mother. “I couldn’t have a better partner on the trapeze, he’s so good up there and I trust him with my life. And he doesn’t just do that either, I can only do the ropes and trapeze like you saw there but Yuuri does the hoop and aerial silks as well, his body can do anything!”

“Phichit!” Yuuri hissed quietly from the corner of his mouth, glaring at him angrily from the corners of his eyes. Victor however, just gave a light chuckle.

“After seeing that, I have no doubt that you are exceptional at all of those things,” he said, trying desperately not to think of exactly what Yuuri’s body could do least he embarrass himself. “I know nothing of acrobatics but you were sublime Yuuri. You both were.”

Yuuri gave a little smile at the quick last sentence Victor had added on and Victor blinked at the sudden devilish twinkle in his eyes. It was as if he had gone through a complete personality change and his eyes flashed at Victor like he was challenging him.

“I would guess that your speciality isn’t in acrobatics then, Mr Nikiforov,” Yuuri asked him with a small smile. “What exactly is your act?”

“I…erm…” Victor found himself stuttering, his brain suddenly not working under the intense focus of Yuuri’s garnet eyes. “I… don’t have an act.”

Yuuri cheekily smiled again and raised his eyebrows. “Everyone’s got an act. In show business, you learn that very quickly.”

“Oh… right.” Victor once again was lost for words. How does this keep happening? He internally berated himself. I’m an award-winning playwright for crying out loud, I should have a great command of the English language! And yet, here he was, completely stumped by a witty remark and a pretty smile… God, if only my fans could see me now. 

Thankfully, it was at that moment when Ciao Ciao swooped in to save him from making an even bigger fool of himself. “Victor here is going to be our new director,” he explained. “He should hopefully help us with our creative flair and with a little luck, he’ll make us more appealing to the higher ups.”

Phichit snorted. “Really Ciao Ciao? It’s going to take a miracle for the toffs to take us seriously. They only see us as clowns!”

“And that is exactly what Victor here is going to change.” Ciao Ciao replied enthusiastically. “Believe me, if Victor can do to us what he does with words, we’ll be rubbing elbows with dukes and duchesses before we know it. I would have thought you would have guessed that Yuuri, being as you are the one with the most knowledge of his plays.”

Now it was Yuuri’s turn to look dumbfounded as he once again went bright red and his tongue went numb. For a second, he stared at Ciao Ciao with a look of both horror and deep betrayal before he glanced over at Victor with the face of a man readying for the scaffold. He was terrified but Victor in contrast, looked delighted.

“Oh, you’ve heard of my plays?” He asked excitedly. 

“I’ve read them.” Yuuri bashfully admitted, his flash of confidence gone as he tried to look anywhere but at Victor. However, unfortunately for him, the pull of Victor’s magnetic eyes was still too strong and he found himself unable to linger on anywhere else for too long; no matter what he did, they dragged him back. “I’ve owned a manuscript of some of your earlier works for a long time. I still enjoy reading them when I can.”

“That’s amazing!” Victor blurted out grinning like a child that had just been praised but he quickly reigned himself back in before continuing. “I mean, that’s very flattering Yuuri. As a writer, the highest honour you can have is hearing that someone has not only read your work but that they read it over and over again. It’s a very high compliment. Tell me, have you seen any of my plays in the theatre? I’m not sure quite where you’ve been but there must have been a theatre there, surely?”

The moment Victor spoke those words, a dark cloud seemed to pass over Yuuri’s face as his expression of bashful shyness flipped to one of barely concealed anger. His full lips tightened like a thread had been pulled and his eyebrows knotted together as he fixed Victor with eyes that would have felled a lesser man on the spot. For a moment, they burned with something that looked like hurt but Victor had no time to think about the strange emotion he had seen there as before he could say another word, Yuuri was addressing him with a voice like icy cold water.

“Yes, Mr Nikiforov, I’m sure you don’t know where I’ve been or exactly where I come from but are you presumptuous enough to believe your influence carries through to everyone? I thought you people from the other side were clueless already but that is a new low, especially for someone who considers themselves educated. I’m actually quite glad you don’t know where I’ve been or what I’ve seen; there certainly wasn’t a theatre there and I don’t think you have the capacity to appreciate a culture other than your own blind one anyway. You must excuse me now Sir, I need to visit my dressing room. Good day to you.”

With his cold tone still ringing in everyone’s ears, Yuuri dragged his eyes firmly away from Victor’s and strode off, his graceful body moving in short tense jerks in his efforts to get away from the situation as quickly as possible. A few seconds later, after glancing at Victor in panic, Phichit ran after him calling his name, leaving Ciao Ciao and Victor standing there awkwardly like statues.

“Oh dear.” Ciao Ciao said after what seemed like an eternity. The statement sounded to Victor like the biggest understatement in the world but Yuuri’s sharp words had once again rendered him speechless and he was only able to nod. “I best go after them, I can’t have Yuuri agitated and upset before a show. He needs the upmost concentration in his act; if he gets too emotional, he makes mistakes and you can’t afford to make mistakes when you’re performing high above the ground with no net… You can show yourself around the rest of the place, can’t you?”

Victor barely had time to give another dazed nod before Ciao Ciao ran off in the same direction as Yuuri and Phichit, his red coat tails flying out behind him like two small sails. That left Victor standing alone and confused in the middle of the busy circus and he suddenly realised the extend of his predicament. I have no idea where the hell I am, where I need to go or what the hell I need to do the fix this, he thought in panic. What the hell am I going to do?

“My, my, mon ami,” A heavily-accented voice suddenly spoke from directly behind him, making Victor whirl around and nearly lose his top hat. “You really messed up there, didn’t you?”

Victor stared as a man stepped out of the shadows behind him and for a moment, he didn’t know where to look; the man was dressed in only a skimpy black leotard which showed off every inch of his muscular arms and legs and was so tight it left no detail of his body to the imagination. Even more skin was bared on either side of his torso as the whole garment was held together by crosses of black cord and large pads dripping with glittery red tassels sat on his shoulders like those on a general’s uniform. More red glittery material accented his chest in a feathery design, matching the crown of red roses that was perched on top of his blond bird’s nest of hair. Victor blinked again, wondering if the shock of his situation was making him imagine things but the stranger still remained there, smiling at him like he was looking at a lost pet. 

“Who are you?” 

“My name is Christophe Giacometti.” The man said with a flourish as he outstretched his hand. “I’m the head dancer here at Ciao Ciao’s Circus. You must be Victor Nikiforov.”

“How did you know that?” Victor said puzzled.

The dancer laughed. “News travels fast around here Mr Nikiforov; everyone’s been talking about the tall well-dressed stranger that Ciao Ciao has been showing around. He doesn’t do that for just anyone, you see, so we figured you must be something special. Besides, I recognised you from the papers, I hear your most recent play is doing very well. I had someone take me to see a performance not long ago, it really was very good.”

“I see. Thank you.” Victor said, his voice a little dejected. Talking about his plays just reminded him of how angry he had made Yuuri and dwelling on how his eyes had glared at him just made his heart sink. “Mr Giacometti-”

“Please call me Chris.” He swiftly interrupted, giving Victor another charming wide smile as his jade-coloured eyes gleamed. “Nothing is very formal here in the circus. Take my outfit here.” He swept his arms down his sides as he rose up elegantly onto his toes and gave a slow twirl. “Does this look formal to you?”

“Not really.” Victor replied. “Though if you paired it with a top hat, I can think of several places that would let you in, no questions asked.”

Chris let out a loud peal of laughter at that and Victor managed to give a smile at his own joke. “Oh, you are funny! Thank goodness for that, I was hoping you weren’t going to be all uptight and boring, so many posh men act like they have sticks up their arses…” He gave a dramatic sigh before his face broke into an even wider devious smile and he put his arm around Victor’s shoulder. “I can tell we’re going to get on, Mr New Creative Director. I’m a very creative man myself.” He wriggled his eyebrows at the words but before Victor could pause to think of what he meant, Chris was turning him around and leading him firmly in a new direction. “How about we go and get a drink and then you can tell me exactly what went wrong between you and our darling Yuuri just now.”

“How did you…” Victor started to ask before realising he didn’t know what he wanted to ask him first. How did he know about what had happened with Yuuri already? How did he know he was the new director? And how did he know so much about what posh men were like?

Chris looked at him like he could hear the questions buzzing through his head like bees and he gave a laugh. “The others call me the eyes and ears of the circus,” he explained as he kicked open a door with one long, surprisingly hairless leg and pushed Victor through. “I see everything and I hear everything. I would remember that if I were you.”

OOO

“And then he stormed off? Just like that?”

Victor nodded miserably, slugging back another bitter shot as Chris gave a low whistle and shook his head.

“My, my. I knew Yuuri was a little firecracker but I’ve never heard of him doing that. You really struck a nerve there.”

“I know. I don’t know what to do to redeem myself.” Victor close to wailed, his head slipping from the cradle of his palm and miserably hitting the table where he gave a small groan. The two of them were sitting back in the bar behind the circus but it was even more deserted than before due to the fact that a show was on; not even the grumpy bartender was there to throw scowls at them for making him serve too many drinks. Chris had been the one to retrieve their alcohol; after throwing a few notes behind the bar, he had helped himself to the largest bottle of bourbon he could find and it was now resting between the two of them on their table, the light glistening on its dramatically decreased contents. Two large crystal-cut glasses, still with droplets of dark liquid swilling at the bottom, stood next to it like soldiers standing with their failed general. It was clear to see from the bottle that the two of them had consumed a lot of alcohol but both men mostly appeared unaffected. Chris was sitting delicately on the edge of his seat with his legs crossed, a finger tapping at his cheek as he leant a sympathetic ear to Victor, the only sign that he was not fully sober being the bright redness of his cheeks under the light brown fuzz of his beard. Victor meanwhile was slowly losing the composure he had cultivated with every sip he drank; it was slipping from him like a mask as his shoulders slumped forwards, losing all posture, and his voice went from smooth and controlled to highly emotional. Chris watched all this with barely a raised eyebrow. He could sense that this was the real Victor Nikiforov underneath all the layers of manners and polish and he was determined to get him out.

“I’m surprised at how much you’ve drunk.” He admitted, eyeing Victor as he poured another glass and carelessly spilled a few drops on the table. “I would have put money on you being unconscious at this level.”

“I’m Russian.” Victor explained with a shrug as he tipped the glass back and drank the whole measure in one swallow. “I’ve drunk a lot more than this back in Moscow, believe me.”

“I thought your name sounded Russian,” Chris said, pouring a glass for himself with a lot more caution. “Just like our dear Yuri, he’s from that part of the globe too.”

“Yes, I’ve met him, I thought that accent was very familiar.” Victor nodded. “I can’t believe that boy tames tigers. He looks like one bat from their paws would snap him in two.”

Chris chuckled. “I honestly don’t think they would dare. You should see him in the ring, he acts just like one of them; it’s almost like he goes feral.” He paused in his speech for a moment to take a long sip before continuing. “That’s one of the reasons why Ciao Ciao makes out he came from the deepest depths of Siberia, no one in the crowd after seeing his act would doubt him. I think it would actually be a harder sell convincing them that he actually came from the pleasant suburbs of St Petersburg.” Seeing Victor’s confused expression, he quickly explained. “Ciao Ciao sometimes embellishes the facts to either make an act sound more impressive or make it simpler for the audience to understand. Take me, for example. Ciao Ciao makes out to everyone that I’m French because not only do I sound French but it sounds more cultured and dare I say, a bit more racy. There are a lot of French stereotypes that are easy to play into. However, I’m not actually French, I’m Swiss but that isn’t half as sexy to put on the posters.”

“I see what you mean.” Victor said before once again looking crushed. “But Chris, you still haven’t answered me. How am I going to redeem myself with Yuuri? I couldn’t bear it if he hated me forever.”

“True, I don’t think I could bear it either if such an angel walking the Earth hated me that much.” Chris replied, causing Victor to loudly groan like he had just been wounded.

“That isn’t helping Chris.”

“Who said I was helping?” Chris shot him a cocky smile but when Victor’s head slammed back on the surface of the table, his tone went serious. “Honestly though, I’m not entirely sure how you’re going to win him back.”

“What?” Victor cried out, his head jerking back up so fast, Chris heard his chair wobble. “Are you serious? I thought you knew everything about everyone in the circus!”

“I said I knew everything about what goes on in the circus,” Chris corrected him with a pointed finger. “As for what went on in people’s lives before they entered the circus, I have no idea unless they tell me. Most people are pretty free with their stories, they don’t mind people knowing about what they did before but Yuuri Katsuki is a different kettle of fish altogether. He’s a little bit of an enigma among our group as he refuses to say anything about his background. The only thing I really know is that he is Japanese and I only know that because one of our old stagehands once called him a Chinaman and Phichit flipped out at him. I can see why he doesn’t want to go into it though, he already gets enough stick for it.”

“What do you mean?” Victor said bemused. “All the stuff I’ve heard about Yuuri has been incredibly complimentary. Everyone says he’s amazing at the trapeze and I’ve seen it with my own eyes how good he is at it.”

“Yes but that’s not what some people see when they look at him Victor.” Chris sighed. “Not everyone here in America is like you. People here in America hate immigrants, maybe not the upper crust ones you’ve met who are impressed by your old going-back-a-hundred-years title but the ordinary people really don’t. They see anyone who comes into this country as a threat to them, especially if they look different- that’s why this circus causes so much controversy, because everyone here is different and doesn’t quite fit into the norm. Us two, we can get away with it because we’re white and European so we’re just about acceptable but if you’re Asian... you really don’t have much hope of fitting in. We have a lot of Asian people in this circus like Seung-gil and Guang-Hong but they work behind the scenes and the crowd doesn’t see them but Yuuri and Phichit are right in the spotlight. I can remember one of the first shows we did, people were screaming and throwing things, trying to knock them off the trapezes… it was horrible. Both of them have a really hard time, Phichit especially for having darker skin but Yuuri gets a lot too. I’ve seen some of the reviews people have given calling him yellow and all sorts of things… I don’t blame him for clamming up about his past when he gets that kind of abuse for it.”

“Oh no.” Victor groaned as his head collapsed into his hands. He had had no idea that all this was going on and now he felt like a fool. No wonder Yuuri had been so angry, he thought. I should have realised that would be a sensitive point. He sighed. I guess I am just the idiot king up in his ivory tower, not realising all the problems of his subjects below. “I guess I got an education today. I really messed up.” He looked back over at Chris, his eyes wide and pleading. “Are you sure there is nothing else you can tell me about him, anything I can do to fix this?” 

Chris shrugged apologetically. “I’m sorry Victor but that’s really all I know.”

“But… how can that be it?” Victor asked completely dumbfounded. He came from a world where practically everyone knew everything about another person just from the cut of their coat or the way they spoke. How was it possible to keep so much about yourself secret from the people you practically lived with? “Do you know how he got involved with the circus?”

Chris shook his head. “Not a clue. I remember when we all first came to this building for the auditions and he and Phichit were already here, standing by Ciao Ciao’s side like his two henchmen. From what I’ve got from Phichit, Ciao Ciao had coached him for a few years previously but he’s never said anything about Yuuri. He’s very protective of his friend, the two of them are incredibly close. This is why Yuuri is such a mystery to most of us in the circus; apart from Phichit and Ciao Ciao, he’s not really very close to anyone else. I’m not saying that he’s cold or snooty or anything, he’s one of the friendliest people you could possibly meet but he’s so shy with new people, he tends to just avoid them. I do wonder sometimes if something in his past makes him wary of people but I really couldn’t say.” 

“Then this is hopeless.” Victor said mournfully, staring down into the depths of his glass like the few remaining drops of bourbon could provide a better answer. “He’s never going to look at me now. I might as well quit and go back to writing plays.”

“I wouldn’t lose hope quite yet, mon ami,” Chris told him, a sly smile once again playing at his lips as he quickly grabbed the bottle and poured the last of it out before Victor could drown his sorrows. “There is one thing I do know about him that I believe will play massively in your favour.”

Victor leaned across the table like a staved man. “What is that Chris? Please don’t torture me like this.”

“Yuuri has a positively enormous crush on you.”

“What?!” There was suddenly a great crash as both Victor’s glass and the empty bottle fell from the table and smashed into the ground, sending a firework of broken glass everywhere. Chris glanced away from Victor’s shocked face to peer down at the glittering mess with a sigh.

“I’ll have you know, I’m not cleaning that up. You could have wasted good bourbon there.”

“How could Yuuri have a crush on me?” Victor repeated, his voice both disbelieving and hopeful like he didn’t quite trust the information but desperately wanted it to be true. “That can’t be right! He acted like he barely knew me!”

“That’s the crucial word there, ‘acted.’” Chris said with a smirk as he downed the last of his glass and gently placed it on the table. “The truth is that Yuuri has known about you for a while and he has had a massive crush on you for a while now. I know because though I don’t hear them all the time, I do occasionally have the pleasure of overhearing Yuuri’s conversations with Phichit.” He said this in such an innocent tone that Victor was sharply reminded to never get on the wrong side of him. “And every single time, Phichit is always teasing him about you. Yuuri mentioned that he knew some of your earlier works, yes?”

“Yes, rather reluctantly I might add.” 

“That’s because he doesn’t want to admit that he pours through that book on an almost daily basis, devouring your lines. He thinks your work is amazing, he practically thinks you’re a modern Shakespeare. And of course, the fact that he finds you unbelievably attractive doesn’t hurt as well. He collects pictures of you from the papers and has them pinned around his mirror in his dressing room, I’ve seen them. It’s quite sweet actually, in a bit of a weird way.”

“He has pictures…” Victor muttered, his eyes staring blankly at the wall like he had just seen into another dimension. “He actually has pictures… he actually likes me!” A smile slowly spread across his face like treacle and he gripped Chris’s arm and shook it excitedly. “Oh my god, Chris you are a life saver!”

“I know I am my dear,” Chris said without a hint of modesty. “Now, do you mind releasing my arm? You are stopping the blood flow…”

“Sorry.” Victor said, quickly letting go. “But this is perfect! I just have to make him see that I’m not like all those other horrible people, get closer to him and then I can confess my love and we can be together! Doesn’t that sound great?”

“Wonderful.” Chris agreed. “But tell me, how are you going to do that?”

All of the wind seemed to go out of Victor’s sails for a moment but then his eyes drifted over to the bar and then suddenly lit up again. “I don’t know yet,” he said, making his way over to the counter before vaulting over it and rifling through the bottles. “But I bet some of these will help!”

Chris picked up his glass and, swinging back in his chair, held it aloft over his head. “I knew there was a reason we would get along!” He crowed triumphantly. “Let’s get to work winning you your man!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know about you but I can very easily imagine Victor and Chris getting very drunk together...
> 
> Reviews are very much appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri tries to relax and come to terms with the day but something suddenly distracts him...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I hope this update finds you all well!
> 
> I have just gotten back to uni now so updates will probably be very random- however I do have more free days this term than I did last term so hopefully that should give me more time to crack out fanfic. I'm also trying to work on some of my other ones too but this one will still be very much a priority.
> 
> Also thank you to everyone who has reviewed, it's so lovely to see that people like this story and enjoyed The Greatest Showman as much as I did. I hope you continue to enjoy it and please review!

Yuuri walked into his dressing room and let himself collapse onto a chair, wincing as the sore muscles in his legs cried out for mercy. His face screwed up in pain as he bent them, wanted to get them in ice water as quickly as possible before they seized up. If they did that, his legs would be in serious pain then and he knew both Ciao Ciao and Phichit would berate him for being so careless with his body. He had done that once before when he had been in a bad mood and he hadn’t been able to go on stage for nearly a week; he wasn’t about to make that mistake again. 

He hissed as he finally dragged the icy barrel over to where he was sitting before giving a long sigh as his legs hit the cold water. Soon enough, they were numb and he was able to lean back against the worn wooden back of his chair and think about the show they had just done. It had gone well, he thought with a smile of satisfaction. Phichit had been his usual energetic self, everything had gone without a hitch and the cheering of the crowd had once again been so loud, he could still feel the joyful noise ringing in his ears a little. It had been a perfect show that couldn’t have gone any better, just how he liked it to go.

Yuuri leant his head back and stared up at the ceiling as every spin and trick he and Phichit had just performed ran through his head. Phichit had been doubly careful during every single one, he recalled, thinking of how the Thai man, who usually liked a little risk, had been extra cautious, taking the time to do more swings just so Yuuri had more time to prepare. There had even been talk of putting the nets out underneath them but Yuuri had shut that down the moment he heard about it. He never liked performing with the nets out anymore; although they were symbols of safety, they only made him think about falling when he saw them and the last thing he needed to think of whilst up in the air was the possibility of it going wrong. Phichit was only trying to keep you safe, he had to tell himself. He only wanted that because he saw how upset you were before the show and he didn’t want another disaster to happen today, not like earlier…  
Yuuri gave a loud groan and rubbed furiously at his eyes. There’s no point dwelling on it anymore, he told himself angrily, you just have to face it; Victor Nikiforov is not the man you made him out to be. He’s just like all the others, he thinks you’re beneath him just because of where you came from. It shouldn’t really be a surprise to you. 

Still, he thought, that didn’t stop it from hurting.

Yuuri opened his eyes and went back to staring at the ceiling. He knew he should probably be used to having casual insults and wide-eyed hostile stares thrown at him all the time but for some reason, it still got to him. He had never developed the thick skin that Phichit and the other minorities in the circus had gained over time and by this point, he wasn’t sure he ever would. Phichit often consoled him by saying he had a sensitive caring soul and that was ten times better than being bitter and cynical about it but it was times like this that made him wish he had hardened his heart a long time ago. Then maybe it would stop breaking. 

This one was by far not the worst but it was the most unexpected. After so many years of being a fan and gobbling up every scrap of information he could find about the Russian playwright, he had believed for so long that Victor would be different from the rest. He had believed Victor would look at him and instead of seeing his race or his profession, he would just see him, a normal person who was only looking for what everyone else was; a chance to matter. Just once, he wanted to matter to someone who wasn’t Ciao Ciao or Phichit; he wanted to matter to someone else in a way he couldn’t with either of those two. And maybe with Victor…

No! He quickly stopped himself from going any further with that train of thought. There was no way in Hell that Victor Nikiforov, one of the brightest stars of the day, would ever look at him that way, especially not now. Not now that Yuuri had gotten so angry at him, not now that there was that gulf the man had put there himself. Yuuri wasn’t quite sure why he felt saddened at that; usually he would have been glad that that distance had been put in place but right now, he wished it wasn’t there. Maybe there’s a small part of me still that wants his approval, Yuuri thought with another sadder sigh. Maybe that part of me isn’t that small after all. 

Yuuri fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat and turned his head to the side to face the large mirror that dominated the wide section of wall above his small dressing table. It was a truly monstrous thing, square and huge and cleaned so thoroughly that Yuuri’s reflection practically sparkled as it stared back at him. He had never been told where Ciao Ciao had gotten this magnificent beast of furniture and if he was honest, he didn’t really what to know. It looked bare, Yuuri thought, confused for a long moment until he realised why; up until that very afternoon, the mirror had been ringed with a frame of different pictures and prints, all cut out from different papers or publications, of Victor Nikiforov. Before, over a hundred pairs of cobalt blue eyes had stared down at him as he did his make up and prepared for his shows and now there were none. No wonder it felt weird, he thought. I’m all too used to being watched.

Yuuri had started his collection when he was just a young boy who had found his old battered manuscript of Victor’s works on the back of a ramshackle cart and made away with it under his coat. His plan had probably been to sell it and get a bit of money to buy food but he had made the mistake of opening it and after that, he had been unable to let it go. He could remember the first time he had scanned those yellowing pages and how much he had been entranced by the words, letting them take him on a journey far away from his own wretched life. He had been so absorbed, he had barely noticed time passing and when he had finally dragged his eyes away, he could remember the feeling of shock he had gotten at seeing the sun so low in the sky. It had been at that moment when he had realised how powerful words could be and it had also been the moment he first fell in love with the loose picture of the handsome young Russian with long silver hair he had found on the inside of the cover, placed there he suspected by the previous owner. Ever since then, he had collected pictures of Victor like a magpie, meticulously cutting each one out until he had enough to fill a book of his own. Yuuri drew his eyes away from the mirror to glance at the leaning pile of papers sitting precariously on his dressing table, some still bright white, some visibly yellowed and creased. They had originally been a point of pride for him but now just looking at them made him feel like he had been stabbed in the heart. Still, he didn’t think he could throw them away. He had put so much effort and emotion into those pictures that he figured it would be like throwing a piece of his soul away. 

“That’s your problem,” he said out loud to himself, like hearing the words echo in his empty dressing room would finally make him listen. “You’ve always been too sentimental about things like this.” Still, as he reached a hand out and caressed the edges of the top picture on his pile, which just so happened to be that first faded picture he had found in that manuscript all those years ago, he knew he wasn’t going to get rid of them. I guess that’s what happens when you have years of having nothing, he thought. After experiencing that, you can’t bear to get rid of anything; you never want to let go.

Suddenly, there was a gigantic crashing sound and Yuuri’s body jerked in fright, nearly causing him to kick against the icy barrel and spill the cold water inside. Thankfully, he was able to quickly right himself and he turned his head to stare at the door to his dressing room. That sounded like it came from the ring, he thought, surely nobody is practising at this late hour? Then, there was another crashing sound, followed by the echo of sloppy laughter and other strange noises that could have been words in another language. What on earth is going on? Yuuri thought, gently sliding his legs out of the water and quickly drying them with a nearby towel. Please don’t tell me Yuri actually set his tiger on someone…

The crashing sounds continued at a random pace as Yuuri quickly pulled on a long dressing gown over his purple costume and hurried over to the ring. When he got there, the place was almost in complete darkness and he had to fumble around for a short while to try and find the switch to the large spotlight Ciao Ciao had had installed on the ceiling of the large building. It took him a few minutes of searching the wall for the large switch to the contraption but eventually, he located it and the ring was suddenly flooded in light. Yuuri turned around, half expecting to see a drunk patron being chewed at by a tiger with Yuri cheering him on but what he actually saw was much more surprising.

Victor and Chris were just about standing in the centre of the ring, their arms around each other’s shoulders and wide grins on both of their faces. The sawdust covered floor around them was littered with props and other strange objects that Yuuri wasn’t sure he had ever seen before but the two of them didn’t even seem to notice the chaos around them as they were swaying dangerously on their feet, their arms flailing out and their heads lolling like their limbs weren’t quite connected to their bodies. Both of them were in a complete state of disarray; Chris had somehow lost both of the shoulder pads of his leotard and the cord that had kept both sides fastened had snapped, leaving a lot of his skin exposed and Victor had lost both his top hat, his red silk scarf and his jacket. His shirt was halfway undone, exposing a smooth pale chest, and his hair had been ruffled so much, it was sticking up in spikes all over his head. Both of the men had bright red cheeks and in one hand, Chris was waving a large empty glass bottle like it was a mace. Yuuri sighed deeply. Of all the people Chris had to get drunk, why did he have to choose Victor as a drinking partner? Was he trying to get the man fired on his first day of working there?

The two men, having seemingly not noticed Yuuri standing at the edge of the ring or the fact that the light had suddenly come on, continued to stagger around the ring like their legs had ceased to function. “I told you I had a-hic-higher tolera… tolera… I can drink more than you!” Chris yelled out with a loud laugh as the glass bottle swung dangerously close to his own face. “Us Frenchies do it better!”

“No way!” Victor shouted back along with a string of furiously barked words that Yuuri could only assume were Russian curses. “I am soooooooo much less drunk than you! And you’re not even bloody French! You said you were Swiss!”

Chris paused for a long moment before letting out an exaggerated wail that would have scared even Yuri’s big cats. “Oh nooooooo!” He lamented loudly, suddenly letting go of the bottle and sending it flying. It shattered spectacularly a few feet away from him and Yuuri leapt back as tiny shards went shooting everywhere but again, Chris didn’t seem to notice. “I have betrayed my country, my own nation! Oh forgive me please Swiss…Land, I can’t live without your forgiveness!”

Yuuri gave another loud sigh. Chris didn’t get drunk often but when he did, he only got even more annoying and extra than he already was. He was just wondering how he was supposed to drag two fully grown men out of the hazards they had created for themselves when he was distracted by the sound of footsteps hurrying towards him.

“Yuuri!” A small voice with a heavy distinct accent called over to him. “Is everything OK? I heard some loud noises… Oh.”

Yuuri turned his head to see Guang Hong, the circus’s newest stagehand and one of the few other Asians, gawping at the scene unfolding before him with clear horror in his eyes. His jaw fell open and Yuuri could see his hands were fighting against himself to cover his eyes but he was unable to look away. “I… I think I’m too young to be seeing this.”

Yuuri gave a smirk. “Welcome to show business.” He said with a snort as both Victor and Chris nearly tripped over each other’s feet. “I think you might have to grow up a bit tonight.” He looked at the young man’s round face. “How old are you?”

“I’m seventeen.” Guang Hong answered, sounding a little frightened at one of the main circus stars addressing him. “I just came to this country from China and I’ve only just started working here… this is my first night duty.”

Yuuri gave him a softer look. When he had been Guang Hong’s age, he had only just started at the circus, a terrified young boy who had wanted nothing less than to fly away. He could still clearly remember the fear he had felt then and it made him reach out and squeeze the younger man’s shoulder reassuringly. “Don’t worry,” he said. “Nothing like this usually happens here- we’re a lot more civilised than that, whatever the papers say.” That got a small laugh from Guang Hong and that made Yuuri smile. “Come on, let’s get them out of that ring before they both end up hurting themselves- you take Chris back to his room and I’ll get Victor.”

“But where will you take him?” Guang Hong asked him, his cheeks flushed and copper-coloured eyes wide and bright under the spotlight as they both cautiously stepped into the ring. “His hotel is halfway across New York in the posh bit!”

“I’ll think of something.” Yuuri gritted his teeth as they approached the two drunk men. “Alright, party time’s over. You both need to get to bed to sleep this off.”

“Nooooo!” Chris protested as Yuuri and Guang Hong each turned to grab at a waving limb and pull the two of them apart. “We can’t go to bed yet!”

“Why not?” Yuuri asked with a huff, grimacing as he took Victor’s arm in his firm grip and tried not to blush at how close he was to the man. He was pressed so near to his body that he could smell all of the booze that was radiating from him and he was trying very hard not to think about how much closer he would need to get to smell his cologne. “Why can’t you go back to bed already? It’s really late and we both have shows tomorrow!” 

“Because,” Chris said, struggling pretty effectively against Guang Hong despite his drunken state. “We haven’t figured out how Victor is going to win back Yuuri yet!”

“What?!” Yuuri exclaimed in shock, suddenly letting go of Victor’s arm and nearly causing all three men to go crashing to the floor. “What did you just say?”

“We’re trying to come up with how Victor can win back Yuuri’s heart.” Chris said, finishing off the sentence with a loud hiccup. He was still valiantly fighting against Guang Hong’s grip on him and the young Chinese man looked almost terrified as he struggling to keep him still; he looked more like he was wrestling a snake than someone’s arm. “Victor was really mean but he really likes him and he was all sad in the bar and he said his eyes were pretty and he has to win him back so they can fall in love and get married and have a lot of poodles…” For a moment, he stared off into the distance with a confused expression before turning back to Yuuri and adding in a serious tone “I think they’re dogs…”

“Well said Chris!” Victor suddenly piped up as he tried to untangle himself from Chris and ended up lurching forwards, forcing Yuuri to catch him. “So there! Because of all… that, we can’t sleep until we’ve figured it out!”

Yuuri blinked down at the silver-haired man sprawled out in his arms. Was he really being serious? Had he taken Yuuri’s backlash so harshly that he had gone and gotten drunk trying to figure out how to put it right? He was still processing that information when Victor looked up into his face, his eyes open and oddly innocent like those of a puppy. They held the same wide-eyed expression of wonder Yuuri had seen on the trapeze earlier that day and a warm feeling suddenly shot through Yuuri’s chest like a lightning bolt.

“Umm…” He said without realising, before pulling his eyes away from Victor’s and seeing Chris and Guang Hong eyeing him strangely. Feeling his cheeks burning red with embarrassment, he quickly snapped out of his trance and hoisted Victor up so one of the man’s arms was dangling over his shoulder. “I’ll take Victor to the empty dressing rooms at the back, he can sleep there for the night. Guang Hong, you know the way to Chris’s room, right?”

Guang Hong nodded enthusiastically. “I’ll take him straight there!” He said before finally managing to separate Chris from Victor and letting the dancer drape his body over his. “I’ll see you in the morning Yuuri! If you need any help with him, just call me!”

“Thanks Guang Hong.” Yuuri answered with a smile, though he was already sure he wouldn’t be needing it. Victor had gone surprisingly pliant in his arms and as he went to drag him out of the ring and towards the back rooms of the circus, he put up no resistance. Because of this, it didn’t take Yuuri long to pull him to an empty room where he gently laid Victor down on the small bed in the corner before quickly lighting a candle.

“You should be alright to stay here until morning,” he told him, listening as Victor gave a low groan and buried his head in the musty pillow. “Nobody should disturb you here, nobody tends to use these rooms now since a lot of the circus folk got enough money to afford better digs.” He turned back to see Victor was clinging to the edge of the bed like a man on the verge of falling from a cliff and he gave a small smirk as he rootled under the bed. “There’s a chamber pot here if you need it, just bear in mind I won’t be cleaning it up.”

Victor’s only answer was another groan and Yuuri shook his head. “You’ll be fine Victor, you’ll probably have a terrible headache in the morning but you’ll live. Hopefully that will teach you not to go out drinking with Chris.” He then went to stand up and leave the room but he suddenly stopped when a warm hand curled around his wrist.

“Please stay.”

The voice from the bed was so sad and so pitiful that Yuuri could feel it tugging hard on his heartstrings. He turned back around and the sight he saw was even more tragic. Victor was curled up on the bed like he was trying to hide from the world, his hair fluttering out over the pillow and his tears suddenly brimming with tears. All the joy and exuberance Yuuri had seen in the ring just a few minutes before had completely evaporated, leaving an empty husk of a man pleading up at him.

“Don’t go. I don’t want another person to leave me.”

Yuuri hurriedly knelt down next to the bed, teasing his hand out of Victor’s grip only so he could pull a blanket over his shivering body before taking both his hands and squeezing them. “It’s OK,” he said softly. “I won’t go.”

Victor tried to smile but the effort only made his face look more pained and he quickly gave up. “I’m such a fool.” He said quietly, his voice sounding like it would shatter at any second. “I’ve only been here a day and I’ve ruined everything.”

“You haven’t ruined everything.” Yuuri replied, still keeping a tight grip on his hands. “Chris already likes you, he wouldn’t have gone drinking with you if he didn’t. And you haven’t had time yet to put forwards all your ideas for the circus- I’m sure they are going to be amazing.”

“But I upset you.” Victor said softly, more tears forming in his eyes and falling down his face. “I said something really horrible and now you hate me.”

Yuuri felt his mouth drop open slightly and his eyes went wide. “So you knew it was me all along.” He said. “I thought you were so drunk, you didn’t recognise me…”

Victor gave what sounded like a huff of laughter. “I only realised it was you when I saw your eyes Yuuri. I don’t think I could ever forget them.” 

Yuuri felt his face burn again but for some reason, this time it felt almost nice. “Victor, I don’t hate you.” He said softly, squeezing Victor’s hands again as if the pressure would ensure he believed his words. “I was angry at you but that doesn’t mean I’m going to hate you forever. I guess I’m just tired of constantly being put down for where I came from and you mentioning it so flippantly made me really mad.”

Victor gave a wince as he squeezed Yuuri’s hands. “I didn’t realise what I said was so offensive.” He replied in a whisper. “You were right about me being clueless, I didn’t understand what I was saying and that makes me very ignorant indeed. I guess because my family came over and we were welcomed into this country of opportunity, I just took it for granted- I was told everyone was welcome in America, no matter what.”

Yuuri gave a sad smile at that. “I was told that too, a very long time ago. It didn’t take me long to realise it was a lie though.”

He bit his lip and Victor gently ran his thumb along the ridge of Yuuri’s hand. “I’m sorry to hear that,” he said gently. “Nobody should be made to feel like they don’t belong in a country where anyone can be anything. Can you forgive me for my mistake earlier?”

Yuuri looked back up at Victor’s suddenly hopeful face and gave the first genuine smile he had given all day. “I forgive you Victor. You don’t have to worry about me hating you.”

Victor’s face suddenly broke into such a wide, ear-splitting grin that Yuuri nearly laughed. “Really?” He answered, looking like he wanted to leap off the bed and wrap Yuuri up in a hug. “You do?”

Yuuri gave a laugh. “Of course, I do Victor. Now, you need to get some sleep, Ciao Ciao will probably be expecting you bright and early in the morning so trust me, you’ll need your rest.”

Victor gave a little groan but obediently settled himself down on the bed and closed his eyes, still holding on tightly to Yuuri’s hand. “You won’t leave me, will you?”

“Of course not.” Yuuri whispered softly as he quietly pulled some blankets from the edge of the bed and, using only one hand, fixed them into a comfy nest. “I’ll be right here if you need me.”

Victor gave a soft smile that Yuuri only just glimpsed as he set his head down on his pillow. “Good.” He whispered, once again squeezing Yuuri’s hand like he was checking he was still there. “Goodnight Yuuri.”

“Goodnight Victor.” Yuuri answered him, giving once last glance towards their entwined hands before he too closed his eyes. As he nuzzled his way into the blankets, he gave a warm smile.

Maybe it was a good thing he was too sentimental after all.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phichit and Ciao Ciao get worried- where can the new director and their star act have gone?

“Yuuri? Yuuri!”

Heads turned as, among the bustle of the waking circus, a small brown blur sped through the hum of performers, sprinting around the whole building like he was running laps. The figure was calling out his friend’s name like it was the call of a bird and as time went on and the circus got busier, it only caused his voice to get louder and more frantic.

“Yuuri! Goddamnit Yuuri, where are you?!” Phichit continued to shout as he once again ran towards his friend’s dressing room and peered through the door for the fifth time that morning. His panic was slowly and steadily rising; Yuuri had never done anything like this before and after yesterday, it was making him worried. He was the only person in the circus other than Ciao Ciao who knew the fullest extent of Yuuri’s anxiety and only he knew just how much words got to him. Since the two of them had started at the circus seven years ago, he had lost count of the times he had had to comfort Yuuri when a particularly bad review came out mentioning his race or the number of nights he had had to persuade Yuuri not to leave the circus and disappear forever. He resented none of it, he understood full well that Yuuri couldn’t help it, but it was times like this when he cursed the way his dearest friend overthought everything.

If he’s left just because of what Victor said, I’ll have both of their guts for garters, he thought crossly as he closed the door to Yuuri’s empty dressing room and went to check the other rooms again. However, just before he was about to run off, he heard the distant echo of Ciao Ciao shouting from the ring and went running there instead.

“Victor!” He heard the ringleader shouting repeatedly as he got closer and when he reached the ring, he could hear the panic in Ciao Ciao’s voice as he cupped his hands around his mouth and let his booming voice almost shake the rafters. “Victor! Are you in here?”

“Victor’s missing too?” Phichit asked from the side of the ring before he looked down at the sawdust-coated floor and his eyes went wide. “Jesus, what happened here? It looks like one of Yuri’s tigers got loose!”

“Believe me, I almost wish that had been what happened.” Ciao Ciao stopped his yelling for one moment to look over at Phichit and give a weary sigh. “When I came down here this morning and saw the mess, I went straight to him to ask about it and got a giant earful for my troubles. Yuri didn’t stop screaming for at least ten minutes and insisted his precious cats would never do such a thing. He took it all rather personally I fear, he seemed to think I was suggesting either he hadn’t locked their cages last night or he hadn’t trained his cats properly… I went to check anyway and he was right, all their cages were locked and all the cats were accounted for. I’m glad none of them did get out but that doesn’t explain what happened here last night. It looks like a hurricane passed through!”

Ciao Ciao gave another long sigh before he swept his top hat off his head to run his fingers through his long hair. “This is a nightmare Phichit, I can’t think of how I’m going to get this cleaned up, plus I can’t find Victor and he was supposed to meet me here half an hour ago to discuss plans… wait a minute, did you say ‘too?’ Who else is missing?”

“Yuuri is!” Phichit cried out. “He’s not in his dressing room and I haven’t seen him since the end of the show last night!”

“What?” Ciao Ciao’s face went bloodless as he stared at Phichit in sheer horror. “Do you mean to tell me that not only is my new director missing but one of my main stars has also disappeared? And on the same night this disaster manifests itself in my ring?” 

“Unfortunately, yes.” Phichit answered him. “It does rather look that way.”

Ciao Ciao let out a deep groan. “Great. This is just wonderful. Where on earth can the two of them be?”

“You don’t think they’re in the same place, do you?” Phichit asked, suddenly seeming a little more upbeat. “It is rather strange that the two of them are missing at the same time…”

“I don’t think so Phichit,” Ciao Ciao said as Phichit’s face fell. “After what happened yesterday, I can’t imagine Yuuri going anywhere near Victor. I haven’t seen him that angry in a very long time and I can’t think of anything Victor could do in such a short space of time to make Yuuri forgive him.”

“That is true.” Phichit thought, thinking for a second. “So, where do you think they are?”

“I haven’t the faintest idea.” Ciao Ciao admitted. “I guess we’ll just have to search the building again, ask if anyone has seen them this morning… I can’t imagine they’ll have got far.”

You have no idea, Phichit thought gravely as the two walked away from the ring and went to check the cluster of back rooms. He was the only one who had seen Yuuri when he had been at his worst. He had been the only one to hold Yuuri close to him in those early days of the circus, the days when small things could still affect Yuuri and send him back to his dark days. It was in those moments, when he had been sobbing into Phichit’s shoulder and trying desperately to hide himself under the colourful circus silks, when he had told him of his past, things Phichit was certain he had never told anyone else, not even Ciao Ciao. Because of that, he knew full well what Yuuri was capable of. He was certain that if Yuuri wanted to disappear without a trace, he could easily do so. He had already done it once after all. 

“Have you checked back here yet?” Ciao Ciao asked him as they reached the first of the small creaky doors.

Phichit shook his head. “Yuuri doesn’t usually like coming back here; he says it sometimes feels like there’s too many ghosts here.”

“I wasn’t even aware we had one.” Ciao Ciao tried to joke but it fell flat as Phichit ignored him and opened the first door with a brisk shove. It was empty.

“Damnit.” He hissed under his breath as his eyes darted around the dusty space that clearly hadn’t been touched in ages. “Where could he have gotten to?”

“Did he mention anything to you after the show yesterday?” Ciao Ciao asked as Phichit strode to the next door and kicked it down. “Hey! I know nobody uses these rooms anymore but I’ll still have to pay for that!”

“Sorry.” Phichit said, not sounding the least bit sorry as he peered into the dark room and on seeing it was also empty, continued to the next door. “And not really. He was acting pretty normal last night though I could tell underneath it all, he was really mad. I said something about putting the nets up just in case but he snapped at me not to. He hates using the nets so that wasn’t really unusual and then he went back to his dressing room like normal. What about Victor? What was the last thing he said to you?”

“I… I must admit, I haven’t seen him since Yuuri had that go at him.” Ciao Ciao said uneasily. “When Yuuri stormed off, I was really worried about him; he was practically about to go and perform in a few hours and if he’s emotional when he’s up there on the ropes… you and I both know how bad that is. So when you two ran off, I followed you both and left Victor standing there. God knows what he must have thought of me, abandoning him like that…”

“Hopefully you’ll be able to ask him soon.” Phichit said before suddenly stopping right in front of the next door and nearly causing Ciao Ciao to fall over him. “Wait… can you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

“Listen!”

Ciao Ciao went quiet and frowned when he realised there was a noise coming from the other side of the door. It was so soft, it barely seemed to be there at all, like the thinnest wisp of sound and Ciao Ciao had to strain to hear it. He leant closer to the door and gave a frown.

“It sounds like someone’s breathing in there…”

“Is it Yuuri?” Phichit whispered, his face suddenly hopeful. “Quick, open it up!”

“OK, OK, give me a second…” Ciao Ciao hushed him before prodding at the door and watching in surprise as it fell open with ease. The pair of them blinked at the low light that was still slowly burning in the room from a stump of a candle in the corner. The sound that had been so soft from the other side of the door was now gently echoing through the tiny room and it was now instantly recognisable as the sound of breathing. The sounds were coming from two hunched shapes, one on the small bed and the other on the ground, and when the door swung open and more light spilled into the room, both Phichit and Ciao Ciao were stunned into silence.

Victor and Yuuri were both fast asleep, completely unaware of the two shocked men watching them. Victor was stretched out over the small bed, his feet dangling over the edge like rods waiting for fish to bite. His silver hair was fanned out remarkably elegantly for someone who had been so drunk over the pillow and his cheeks still held a faint flush. Ciao Ciao moved a little closer to the bed and his nose wrinkled; after many mornings of having to wake up a hungover Chris for his rehearsals, he could recognise the remains of a boozy night almost instantly. Yuuri meanwhile was still in his dressing gown, the material curling around his legs like it was instinctively trying to shield them from view. His body was wrapped up in a nest of blankets on the floor and Phichit could see he was using one arm as a pillow to rest his head. There was a small string of drool dripping from the corner of his mouth and his hair resembled a tumbleweed but that wasn’t what made Phichit’s eyes go wide and force him to clamp a hand over his mouth. What he was staring at was Yuuri’s right hand which was reaching up towards the bed and, even in sleep, was still clasped tightly to Victor’s left hand.

“Ciao Ciao!” Phichit hissed insistently through his closed fingers. “Are you seeing this?”

The larger man nodded, his own green eyes blinking like he was expecting the scene to vanish before him like it was one of Emil’s tricks. “Well, I’ll be bound. I didn’t think the two of them would even speak for months, let alone this…” 

“What are we going to do? Should we wake them up?” Phichit murmured. However, before Ciao Ciao could even think of an answer, the question was rendered void as Yuuri’s eyes suddenly twitched before delicately fluttering open. His dazed brown eyes lazily blinked as he peered around the room, his brow creased slightly like he was sleepily trying to work out where he was.

“Guys, what are you doing in here?” He groaned in a tired voice as he slowly sat up, rubbing at his eyes with his one free hand and tousling his messy hair as he looked up at his friend and his employer. “I told you not to wake me up before morning rehearsals, I don’t do well before…” He suddenly stopped mid-complaint when his slowly waking brain registered that he wasn’t in his dressing room. “Guys, where am I? How did I get here-AAAAHHHH!”

As those questions left Yuuri’s mouth, he had become aware of a strangely warm weight in his right hand that appeared to be holding it in a tight grip and was refusing to let go. Whilst speaking, he had turned to see what it was and had been struck by the sight of Victor lying on the small bed barely a foot away, his hand tight around his own and giving no sign that he was willing to give it up. The sight of Victor’s face and the smell of drink he could now detect brought all the events of the night before and, on remembering Victor’s drunkenness and realising they had held hands all night, Yuuri let out a shriek that was so loud, it started Victor awake and caused him to roll off of the bed and crash into Yuuri underneath it.

“Ah, what the hell… Yuuri!” 

Victor, in a half-asleep state of bewilderment, scrambled up onto his hands and knees in a panic only to realise a second later that he was directly above Yuuri, his limbs effectively caging the man underneath him. A pair of startled brown eyes was staring up into his shocked blue ones and their intensity froze him in place. He felt like once again, he was standing on top of that trapeze platform, unable to do anything but stare in wonder at the face in front of him and once again, he was rendered speechless, his mouth hanging open and not making a sound. He was so awed that it took him a few long seconds to realise just how close the two of them were; Yuuri’s face was only a couple of inches away and Victor thought with a blush that if he moved his head only a tiny bit closer, their noses would be touching…

“Yuuri! Are you OK?”

Phichit’s voice shook them both out of their hypnotic trance and Victor hurriedly pulled himself to his feet so he could assist Yuuri. He took both of the acrobat’s hands and hauled him upwards, wanting to enjoy the feel of his hands in his own again for a few more seconds before Yuuri pulled them away. The rough skin was hot against his own and when Yuuri wobbled a little on standing up, he had to restrain himself from gathering him up in his arms. “Are you alright?” He asked him softly, trying not to let his face flicker with pain when Yuuri quickly let go of him and took a step away. “You’re not hurt, are you?”

“I’m fine.” Yuuri answered, his voice stilted like he was still trying to process both what had happened the night before and what was happening right now. Parts of his body felt bent and sore from a whole night of sleeping on the ground and when he ran his fingers through his hair, he could feel the grittiness of sawdust and years of build up dust on his scalp. He suddenly became aware of the fact he was still dressed in his dressing gown and he wanted the floor to swallow him up. What must they be thinking of me? He thought in despair. I must look like a total mess. What made it worse was, despite the fact he had spent the night sleeping on a too small bed in his suit, Victor still looked stunning. His hair had fallen back into its usual wave, though it was a little more puffed up than normal, and the crumpled shirt and jacket that showed off more of his slender neckline seemed only to make him look more attractive. He looked like he had just emerged from a wild night of passion and the thought made Yuuri feel so embarrassed, he was surprised steam wasn’t coming out of his ears. “Really, I am.”

“What happened to you two?!” Ciao Ciao boomed at them, making Victor wince and Yuuri want to hide back in his nest. “We were looking all over the circus for you both! Phichit was worried sick about you Yuuri, we both thought you’d run off!”  
“I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to make you both worry!” Yuuri said, looking almost like he was going to cry. “I was going to go back to my dressing room but Victor was really sad and then I fell asleep and-”

“This is all my fault.” Victor suddenly cut in, making Yuuri go quiet and stare at him in shock as Ciao Ciao turned to him with a raised eyebrow. “Ciao Ciao, Yuuri is not the one to blame here, I am. I was the one who went and got drunk with Chris last night and we both caused a ruckus in the ring that caused Yuuri to come and find us. He then managed to separate us and brought me here to recover and I selfishly asked him to stay with me. We both must have fallen asleep but I promise you that this all was no fault of Yuuri’s. I do fear I acted rather shamelessly towards him yet again and for that, I can only beg forgiveness.” He stared down at the floor with a sombre expression and Yuuri felt a stab of pity for him. He could still remember the small sad voice that had begged him last night not to leave and seeing Victor like this, taking all the blame, only made him feel worse. “I brought shame and embarrassment onto myself with my actions last night and I would completely understand Ciao Ciao if you no longer wanted my name associated with your business-”

“Nonsense!” Ciao Ciao’s loud cry stopped Victor in his tracks and he gave another loud wince as the man stepped closer and gave him a hearty slap on his back. “Why on earth would I sack you Victor? I saw great promise in you when I employed you and you’ve barely even started yet! How else can you realise it if I don’t give you the proper chance? Besides, there’s no harm done and believe me, if I fired people for getting drunk and destroying circus property, Chris would have been out of here years ago… I don’t think you even came close to his worst.” He gave a shudder and appeared to stare at the floor in horror for a long moment before he gave a beaming grin and went to usher them all out of the room. “Come along then! Victor and I need to have a meeting to discuss the new direction of the circus and you two need to get to practise! Chop chop!”

And with that, he swept Victor from the room before the Russian playwright could say a word to Yuuri. He wanted to turn to him and properly apologise, not just for last night but for everything whilst he was sober to show he meant it but Ciao Ciao was so forceful, trying to fight him would have been like trying to wrestle with a tsunami. All he could do was glance over his shoulder at Yuuri as he left the room, hoping Yuuri caught the glimmer of regret in his eyes. 

Yuuri meanwhile felt rooted to the spot as he watched Victor get dragged away. He could see the look Victor shot him over his shoulder and it left him feeling torn. He wasn’t sure how to feel about the man he had idolised for so long; he had learned so much about him in the past day, it felt slightly overwhelming. It was true Victor had made him angry yesterday with his insensitive comments but last night, he had seen so many other sides to him that he had never believed were there. It was like shining a light into a prism and seeing all the different colours emerge from that one light; the image Victor Nikiforov gave out publicly was clearly not his only one. When drunk, he had acted like a bubbly child, excitable and ready to spill his heart but when he had been alone with Yuuri, that had faded into a sad tragic man desperate not to be left alone. Yuuri could still hear his words echoing in his head. I don’t want another person to leave me, had been his exact words and Yuuri was filled with a burning curiosity about what he had meant. Who had left him before? Why had they done so? He knew that for a man who had his own secrets to hide, it was a little hypocritical to be so curious but he couldn’t help it. Victor was just so intriguing and, although he was trying to deny it to himself, he did want to know more about him.

Yuuri was so tied up in his own thoughts, he didn’t notice Phichit sidling up to him with a cheeky grin on his face. He only became aware of his presence when the Thai man spoke directly in his ear, making him shriek again and jump backwards.  
“So,” Phichit said, watching Yuuri panting with a spark of mischief in his eyes. “You and Victor were in here all night? Really?”

“Phichit, don’t look at me like that.” Yuuri huffed at him before trying to walk past. “We don’t have time for this, we need to get to rehearsals like Ciao Ciao said.”

“Not yet we don’t.” Phichit said as he bobbed in front of Yuuri like an annoying spring. Yuuri kept trying to push him away but he persistently kept popping back into his path and refusing to let him leave the room. “You had me running all over the circus in a panic for you earlier, the least I deserve is a full account of everything that happened last night. And you’re not leaving for rehearsals until I get it!”

Yuuri let out a long groan and pinched his nose. He tried to glare Phichit down and force him to move out of the way with just his angry expression but Phichit was completely undeterred, giving him his widest and most innocent eyes like he hadn’t just threatened him.

“Well?”

“Fine!” Yuuri eventually exclaimed in frustration. “I’ll tell you everything but we have to get to rehearsals first!”

“Yippee!” Phichit squealed, pausing to give Yuuri a quick squeeze of a hug before he bolted from the room. “Hurry up then, we haven’t got all day! And you better tell me everything! Spare me no detail or else I’ll have to go to Chris for the full story…”

“Phichit, don’t you dare!”

OOO

“Wow.” Phichit let out a low whistle as Yuuri lowered himself to the ground, moving his body around the thin hoop he was hanging from so he could sit comfortably in the middle. “Victor really said all that last night?”

Yuuri nodded. “It was such a quick change too. One minute, he was really happy, all loud and laughing and hanging onto me and then the next, it was like it had all been snatched away. It was heart-breaking seeing him like that Phichit, it really was.”

“So that means you’ve forgiven him for what happened yesterday then, right?” Phichit queried as he slowly walked around the ring, keeping himself a few paces away from Yuuri in case he needed assistance. “Try that upside down move again, I want to check your form.”

Yuuri instantly complied, leaning his body back until he was vertical to the ground with his bent knees keeping him hooked to the hoop and his arms spread out. “I don’t really know.” He sighed, keeping up the conversation as he dangled there, occasionally stretching his arms so his fingertips brushed the sandy floor of the ring. “I mean, he was so apologetic last night and he did take all the blame earlier with Ciao Ciao…”

“But most of that was his fault.” Phichit interjected. “He was the one who got drunk and wrecked the ring with Chris; I overheard some of the stagehands moaning about having to clean it up, I don’t think he and Chris are currently in their good books. Point your toes more, your feet are getting sloppy.”

“When is Chris ever in the cleaner’s good books?” Yuuri quipped back as he stiffened his feet into perfect points. “We all know what state his leotards end up in after a good show.”

“True.” Phichit’s face wrinkled in disgust. “But back to the point at hand, if he was so nice last night, why don’t you know if you can forgive him?”

“I guess… I don’t know how.” Yuuri admitted, his tone forlorn as he pulled himself back up into a sitting posture and started to stretch his legs. “I’ve never been thick-skinned like you so when I get insulted like that, I just try and avoid it as much as I possibly can. Even if that means staying as far away from some people as possible. I know it’s irrational sometimes but its just… if one person hurts me, I’m terrified they are going to hurt me again and if he did… I don’t think I could deal with it Phichit, I really don’t.”

“But you don’t know if he is going to hurt you again.” Phichit said softly, reaching up to help his friend gently lower himself back to the ground. “Some people are horrible yes, and they are going to hurt you time and time again but some people just make honest mistakes and are genuinely sorry for it. You can’t go through life cutting off people like that Yuuri; you have to give some people second chances.”

“I know, I know.” Yuuri sighed as he stared down at the floor. “It’s just… hard, you know?”

“I do know.” Phichit said, drawing Yuuri into a tight hug. “After what you’ve been through, I’m not surprised you don’t trust many people and I don’t expect you to change overnight. I just want you to be happy, you know that don’t you?”  
He felt Yuuri nod into his shoulder and gave a smile as he stepped back. “Good. Now let’s get back to our rooms for a rest, we’re going to need one before tonight-oooof!”

Before Phichit could finish his sentence, a large fluffy bundle of brown curls suddenly bounded into the ring like a bouncy ball and ploughed straight into him and Yuuri. Both of them were sent tumbling to the ground as the hairy creature leapt up, placing two giant shovel-sized paws on Yuuri’s chest and causing him to crash into Phichit and knock him down like a line of dominoes. Phichit immediately jumped back up to his feet but Yuuri was stuck under the heavy weight of the animal who, on realising he had his prey effectively trapped, started excitedly barking and licking Yuuri’s face.

“Makkachin! No! Bad dog!” A panicked voice came shouting from the front of the ring and Phichit turned to see a rather frantic Victor sprinting towards them like the devil was at his heels. One hand was on top of his head trying to keep his top hat in place as his ran whilst the other was gripping onto a lead that was flying out behind him like a strangely-placed tail. When he reached the ring and properly saw who had been pinned under the huge ball of fluff, Phichit saw his red cheeks flush even more before he fell to his knees and started wrestling with the beast, who was wagging his tail so hard, his whole rear was shaking. “Makkachin, come on, get off! Yuuri, I’m so sorry, she’s usually not this boisterous…”

He would have continued spouting apologies to the acrobat as he tried to free him from under the large creature but he froze in place when he heard a sound he had thought he wouldn’t hear in Yuuri’s company ever again; the sound of him giggling.

“It’s OK.” Yuuri said, finally easing himself into a sitting position and, to Victor’s surprise, fluffing up Makkachin’s ears and letting her lick his face. “You’re just being playful, aren’t you? Oh, aren’t you a sweetheart?” 

“You… don’t mind?” Victor stammered out, letting go of his dog and causing her to once again clamber back on top of Yuuri. “Really?”

“Not at all.” Yuuri answered beaming before Makkachin indignantly laid a paw on his shoulder and he went back to fussing her. “Oh sorry, am I not paying you enough attention? Who’s the cutest? Yes, you are, you’re the cutest, aren’t you?”

You most certainly are, Victor thought, the words almost blurting out of his mouth. If he hadn’t been rendered speechless by Yuuri’s calm reaction to his dog almost flattening him, he most likely would have said them out loud and he was suddenly very glad he didn’t as it would have put an end to the adorable sight in front of him. Makkachin, spurred on by Yuuri’s affection and baby talk, was barking and licking him even more enthusiastically and Victor would have been jealous if he hadn’t been almost entirely distracted by Yuuri’s smile. It was so wide and so full of joy, it was almost blinding and Victor didn’t think he would have cared if he had been. At least that would have been the last thing I saw, he thought, not even trying to hide the fact that he was staring. He was so obvious about it that Phichit, standing completely forgotten next to them, was fighting the urge to burst out laughing at his lovesick expression.

“Of course he doesn’t mind,” Phichit said finally when he had pulled himself together well enough to form words. “We live in a circus with tigers and lions and all manner of things, do you really think we’d be scared of a dog?”

“That’s true.” Victor thought about it for a second and laughed before he pulled himself back to his feet and dusted himself down. “I didn’t really think of that. It’s just that some people do get a little freaked out by Makka here, they don’t really get that she’s just trying to be friendly and doesn’t know her own strength. I would have kept her at home but I was out all night and with Ciao Ciao all morning and I can’t leave her alone for too long, it breaks my heart.” He bent down and gave her a pat on the head, finally distracting her from Yuuri long enough for him to quickly wriggle out from under her and stand up. “She is my only constant companion after all.”

“I see.” Yuuri said, his face now going red as his mind processed the implications of Victor’s words. His hand shot to the back of his neck as he started to feel nervous again but Makkachin, seemingly thinking that it was an outrage that Yuuri wasn’t stroking her right that second, started to whine up at him and he quickly lowered it again to pat her head. “Well, I think she’s lovely. Poodles are my favourite kind of dog- I thought maybe Chris had told you that last night to try and get on my good side.”

“Oh no, I just told him I had one myself.” Victor said hurriedly, trying not to think of how he and Chris had been picking out names for his and Yuuri’s dogs just an hour into their drinking session. “I’ve always had poodles since I was little, I just love them. Have you ever had one?”

Yuuri scoffed. “I never could before I came to the circus.” He said a little sadly. “I’ve always wanted one but when the circus was setting up, everything was so busy and now… I guess I’ve admired them from afar for so long, I’ve never really considered having one of my own.”

“I see.” Victor said, nodding a little. “I can understand that, I used to think with all the time I spent travelling, I couldn’t have a dog but now that I have Makkachin, she comes everywhere with me. I honestly wouldn’t feel right going somewhere without her now.”

“Well I’m sure she will be very welcome at the circus.” Yuuri smiled up at him and Victor swore he felt his heart skip a beat. “Everyone will love her, I know it.”

“And even if they don’t, we still keep Yuri and his cats around so I don’t think anyone would complain.” Phichit helpfully added in, making Victor chuckle.

“That is true, I’ve had the delight of meeting your tiger tamer already.” He said. “I’m not sure I made the greatest impression.”

Phichit chuckled. “I’m not sure anyone ever has at first, he’s a bit of a prickly character. He’s not so bad once you know him but you have to get past several walls of teen angst and pure rage first. It’s like having to scale the Great Wall of China over and over again.”

“He’ll warm up to you in time.” Yuuri quickly stepped in to reassure Victor, who was looking slightly scared at the amount of emotional climbing he was going to supposedly have to do to get the Russian teenager on his side. “He acts like he hates the world but you should see him with his big cats- he’s a sweetheart really and once he likes you, you won’t find anyone more loyal.”

“Well, that’s good to hear.” Victor said in clear relief. He looked back down at Makkachin and smiled when he saw she was sitting at Yuuri’s feet, letting him pat her like he was already her new owner. “Makkachin really likes you Yuuri. She doesn’t warm up to many people this quickly.”

Yuuri beamed again as he crouched a little to fuss Makkachin again, making her happily bark and lick his chin. “That’s awesome, I really like her too.”

“I was hoping you would,” Victor grinned back. “I had to come and see Ciao Ciao for something really important and I wanted to bring her, not just because I didn’t want to leave her for too long, but… I was hoping I could use this as an opportunity to show how truly sorry I am. I know I apologised last night but I was worried you wouldn’t take it seriously because of my state and I wouldn’t blame you if you had thought that.” He peered up at Yuuri’s surprised face from under his fringe and he felt like he was standing on the edge of a precipice, not knowing if he was about to fall. “So… could you find it within your heart to forgive me?”

There was a long moment where Victor was certain he was going to be thrown out of the ring. However, just when he was thinking the worst, Yuuri’s face broke out into another wide smile and he straightened up to hold out his hand. “It’s OK Victor,” he said, taking the Russian’s hand and shaking it firmly. “There’s nothing to forgive.”

Victor felt his face split into a mirror of Yuuri’s smile as he felt Yuuri’s hand in his once more. The feeling of his soft yet rough skin against his somehow sent fireworks coursing through his body and, like last night, he just wanted to keep holding on to it. If it hadn’t been for the smirking presence of Phichit slyly stepping closer and asking him a question, he didn’t think he would have let go until Yuuri stepped away.

“So now that we have that sorted,” Phichit said lightly like the whole issue had just been a minor spat. “Victor, what was this important business you had to see Ciao Ciao about?”

“Ah yes.” Victor said, suddenly grinning like the cat who had got all the cream. “I’ve just managed to secure this circus a golden opportunity, something so big and so amazing, everyone, even the snobbiest people will have to sit up and take notice.”

“What is it?” Phichit and Yuuri asked in curious unison, Phichit clasping his hands together and Yuuri pausing with his hand buried in Makkachin’s fur.

Victor gave an excited smile and waited until he just couldn’t keep it inside of him any more and it burst out of him. 

“We’re going to make a visit to England- we’re going to see the Queen!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, thanks for reading! I know this update took a while and I didn't want it to take over two weeks but unfortunately I do have a lot of uni work plus other things I need to write and this is how it ended up. I hope the next one doesn't take as long but I can't make promises.
> 
> Thanks so much for all your lovely comments, they have been amazing and they really are so encouraging!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The circus is off to England! The Reaction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter has been a long time coming... I do apologise that this took a while but I've been bogged down with assessments all month and so haven't had as much writing time as I would like for all my projects. Still, it is done now and I've also managed to make a start of the next one, so not all bad, yeah?
> 
> Reading all your comments for this has been so lovely and I'm so happy that so many people are taking so much joy from this story. Thank you to everyone who has commented and left kudos, it is very encouraging.
> 
> Please enjoy and continue to support this fic!

There was a long moment where the two acrobats could only stare at Victor in astonishment. They looked so shocked at Victor’s words that anyone who had just walked into the ring would have thought from their faces that the Russian playwright had just handed them the world on a platter and told them it was theirs. The two sets of brown eyes that were locked on Victor were as wide as saucers and Victor could feel himself beginning to sweat under their intense gaze.

“What?” Phichit finally managed to squeak out, his voice much higher than it usually was. “What did you just say?” He stepped forwards and gripped Victor’s arm like it was the only thing keeping him standing, ignoring the man’s low whine as he continued to stare deeply into his eyes. “Say it again, I need to make sure this isn’t a dream.”

Victor gave a laugh as he firmly prised Phichit’s vice-like hand off his arm. “I said that the circus is going to go to England and that you are going to have the pleasure of performing in front of Her Majesty, Queen Victoria herself.” He then squeezed the Thai man’s fingers to prove that this was not a dream and Phichit gave a loud whoop.

“Yuuri! Did you hear that?!” He cried out excitedly, wrenching his friend’s hands away from Makkachin and whirling him around. “We’re going to England to see the Queen! The Queen, Yuuri! The actual Queen of England!”

He paused just long enough in his excited manic dancing for Victor to catch a glimpse of Yuuri’s face as he digested the news and the sight made him smile. Yuuri still looked dazed, like he was just waking up from a long nap, but Phichit’s infectious happiness was beginning to spread all over his face and before long, he was the one leading the crazed dance as he and Phichit exaggeratedly waltzed around the edge of the ring like it was a ballroom in Vienna.

“We’re really going to England!” He squealed happily as he span out of Phichit’s arms and gave a few elegant twirls back towards the centre of the ring where Victor and a now obedient Makkachin were waiting. “I can’t believe it!” He turned towards Victor and the sparkling look in his golden-brown eyes sent a surge of pride through Victor. “How did you manage to do that?! You were really able to arrange an audience with the Queen of England? That just sounds impossible!” 

His voice sounded so awed and amazed by the achievement that Victor could feel his chest puff out with pride. “Let’s just say I have a few very good friends in England,” he said with an exaggerated wink that made Yuuri blush. “And the Nikiforov name will get you very far if you use it in the right circles- it’s one of the few things I have to genuinely thank my father for.” For a brief moment, he felt a twinge of melancholy at the mention of his father, the word bringing bad memories swimming up to the surface of his mind, but they were abruptly banished when, in a sudden burst of joy, Yuuri gave another delighted squeal and flung his arms around Victor’s shoulders.

“Thank you so much!” He beamed into the line of Victor’s shoulder and Victor immediately froze, hardly daring to believe that Yuuri was really embracing him. “This will really do wonders for the circus, nobody will be able to overlook us after we’ve performed for Queen Victoria! Ciao Ciao’s going to be so happy, this is way above what we thought you were going to do!” He leaned back a little so he could look into Victor’s stunned face and he gave such a wide smile, Victor was honestly surprised he didn’t melt into a puddle on the floor. “Thank you Victor, this is seriously going to be amazing!”

With those words, he twirled back out of Victor’s arms, his body spinning so fast Makkachin suddenly jumped up and bounded after him like even she was concerned about his speed. He was still so caught up in his rush of excitement, he didn’t realise Victor was standing there still as a statue with his arms held out, his mouth slightly open as he tried to get his brain to function normally again. His skin still felt like it was humming with Yuuri’s warmth; their bodies had been pressed together for such a short time, yet he could still feel it burning like a brand. Seeing Yuuri dance about with such a happy smile on his face wiped away the memory of all the hard work and frustration he had felt trying to get that royal appointment and in that second, every bit of annoyance he had felt was suddenly worth it. 

“I’m glad.” He finally said, the words seeming too little to explain the feeling of pure joy he was experiencing. “I just hope everyone here has the same reaction. I’ve got to present this to the entire circus in a short while but I wanted you two to be the first to know.”

“That’s so cool!” Phichit jumped in, launching himself into a cartwheel before he sprang back up at Victor’s side like he was made of elastic. “I wouldn’t worry about it Victor, everyone is going to be ecstatic when they hear that we’re going to England. We’ve never travelled anywhere as a group before, let alone somewhere across the sea like that! And to perform in front of Queen Victoria… how many people can say they’ve done that? She’s one of the most famous people in the world and she’s royalty! Actual proper royalty!”

“Who’s actual proper royalty?” A tired, groggy-sounding voice came from the other side of the ring and even Yuuri stopped in his tracks to watch as a hunched figure slowly made his way towards him, groaning with every step. Both of his hands were pressed to his head like he was trying to stop it from falling off his neck and his wide olive-green eyes were dulled by two huge dark bags underneath them. His hair looked like a bird’s nest and his body was wrapped up in a silk dressing gown that was only a level more decent than his dancing leotard. As he got closer, sounding more and more feeble with every movement, Phichit suddenly gave a laugh.

“Well, well, well Chris… it looks like somebody finally came out of one of your drinking escapades better than you.” He grinned snarkily. “Usually you’re the one who’s up bright and early and your drinking partner looks like they’ve seen death, not the other way around!”

Chris shot him a poisonous look. “I don’t think the bourbon agreed with me.” He finally said as he shuffled over to Victor like an old man without a cane. “Hideous stuff, Ciao Ciao always gets the cheapest and nastiest swill he can find. My liver was clearly too dignified to process it, hence why I am in this state.” Phichit rolled his eyes and gave a scorning huff but Chris just ignored him. “And you haven’t answered my question. Who is meant to be actual proper royalty?”

“Queen Victoria!” Phichit close to shouted, grinning as Chris gave a loud groan and pulled a pained expression. “You can’t get much more royal than her! As far as royalty goes, she’s right at the top! And we’re going to be performing in front of her in England! Tell him Victor!”

“What?!” Chris gasped, a hand rising to his chest as he turned to Victor with a dropped jaw. “Is this true?!”

Victor nodded and suddenly, Chris’s demeanour went through a complete transformation. His face lit up like someone had struck a match inside his body and at once, his back straightened up and he threw his arms up in the air with a flourish. “This is wonderful news!” He exclaimed, suddenly throwing off his dressing gown like a peacock exposing his full plumage. The silken garment flew through the air and landed on Makkachin who, with a disgruntled bark, ran away from it and sat once again beside Yuuri like she needed to protect him from it. “When are we going? If I’m going to be performing in front of the queen, I’m going to need to be prepared!”

“I’m not sure yet,” Victor told him honestly. “I still need to inform Ciao Ciao. Currently, you three are the only people who know about this.”

Chris gave a loud gasp. “Well, we have to change that immediately!” He cried out, swooping forwards to grab at Victor’s cuff before pulling him so sharply that Victor nearly went face first into the sawdust. “I can’t wait to see his face when he hears! He’s going to be so delighted, everyone will! Hey, do you think Seung-gil will be able to make a new leotard before we leave? If I’m going to be in front of the Queen herself, I need to look my best…”

“Chris, you had a brand new one two weeks ago!” Phichit complained as he dashed over. “Your wardrobe already takes up half of the costume room and I’m pretty sure Seung-gil would murder you if you asked him for another one so soon!”

“That’s the price of beauty, my dear.” Chris said with a tragic sigh. Using the hand that wasn’t clamped around Victor’s wrist, he ran his fingers through his short blond locks with a flourish that made Phichit roll his eyes dramatically. “Now, come on! We need to get to Ciao Ciao’s office!”

“Wait…”

All three of them stopped dead in their tracks as a suddenly shaky and uncertain voice came from the middle of the ring. Yuuri was standing there with Makkachin once again reassuringly perched by his heels, his eyes trained to the ground as his arms crossed over his body like he was trying to cover them up. All of the excitement he had had only moments before had evaporated, leaving him with a nervously hunched back, bunched-up fists and fidgeting feet that were tracing anxious lines in the sawdust. He looked like a puppy that had just been kicked and was bracing itself for another blow. The air around him was so distressed that Makkachin gave a high-pitched whine and scrabbled at his bare leg with her paws.

“Yuuri…” Victor said softly as he shrugged off Chris’s hand and hurried over to him, his hands going to his shoulders to try and raise him back upright. “Yuuri, what’s wrong? Please look at me.”

Slowly, Yuuri’s head struggled upwards so his eyes met Victor’s and the silver-haired man felt a pang when he saw how wide and scared they were. They were the eyes of a man who was bracing himself for disappointment and Victor could see just how much he was struggling with it. “Yuuri?”

“I… I just had a thought,” Yuuri finally said, his voice flat as he tried to conceal the storm of emotions that were swirling around inside his mind. “When you say the circus is going to perform in front of Queen Victoria… are we all going? I mean…” His teeth tugged at his lower lip and Victor could see the conflict on his face as he fought to find the right words. “Will we all be allowed?”

Victor could feel the air get sucked out of the building as Yuuri’s words cut into him like knives. He could hear Phichit and Chris both take a sharp intake of breath and he could see the tears that were threatening to spill in Yuuri’s eyes, the tears he was determinedly not letting fall. He could see that Yuuri was waiting for a negative answer, waiting to be hit with the news that he couldn’t come, and he wanted to take that pain away more than anything. What I would give for you to never have to wonder that again, he thought sadly, before he let his hands fall down his arms to meet Yuuri’s, and he laced their fingers together tightly.

“Yuuri, I promise you one thing,” he declared, his own voice calm and controlled like he was ready to fight anyone prepared to disagree with him. “Either we all go… or no one will go at all.”

Yuuri’s eyes went almost comically wide and Victor would have laughed if he hadn’t been so pleased to see the hurt there disappear. Tentatively, like he was waiting for Victor to retract what he had just said, a smile started to bloom back on Yuuri’s face and he squeezed Victor’s hands back so tightly, the man was surprised they didn’t all crack like gunshots.

“Wooohooo!” Phichit gave another loud whoop from behind them and Victor turned his head just in time to see both him and Chris jump for joy like they were about to start a routine. “Well then, what are we still doing here then? Let’s go find Ciao Ciao!”

The two of them started to run like schoolchildren across a playing field and Yuuri burst out laughing before he went to follow them. “C’mon Victor!” He called, dragging the Russian man behind him as he went into his fastest sprint but, to Victor’s utter delight, he didn’t let go of his left hand. 

OOO

Wow, Victor thought as he stared out at the expanse of blue ocean. When they said Ciao Ciao was going to be pleased, I didn’t think he would be this pleased.

He was standing on the deck of one of the largest ships he had ever seen, looking out over the waters of the Atlantic Ocean as the sun sank slowly into its depths in the distance. The air was light and playful as it whipped around Victor’s clothes and ruffled through his hair but it was nowhere near strong enough to make his faultless appearance unravel. He could taste salt on his lips as he looked out on the wide expanse of blue and his ears were ringing with the constant mellow noise of the large ship mingled with the calling of seabirds above. Makkachin occasionally looked up and barked at the floating noisy shapes above them but all Victor had to do was pat her head as she rested against his knee and she would go quiet. They had left the mainland behind over an hour ago and it would be days yet before they reached England but Victor found that a strangely comforting thought. Out here, he was just another soul travelling on the sea. He didn’t have to be anything more than that.

He angled his head back at the ship’s great chimneys belching out smoke and he gave a chuckle. When he had been pushed into Ciao Ciao’s office three days ago and made to give his announcement by three pairs of wide twinkling eyes, he had never expected that they would leave for England so soon. He had thought the preparations would take at least a month, maybe two, but Ciao Ciao had worked some magic and now, here they all were. Like Phichit had said, the ringleader had been ecstatic when Victor had told him; it had almost been like he had told the man his first child had been born. His arm had been shaken almost out of its socket by an enthusiastic handshake, he had been yanked into a bear hug so tight his ribs had creaked like an old door and so many congratulations had been yelled in his ears, by Ciao Ciao and the rest of the circus, that he had almost been forced to go home and lay down. 

He smirked again on remembering that feeling. I sound just like my mother, he thought. She could never take anything that sounded too exciting. Still, he could understand why the whole circus had been so pleased. This was their ultimate chance to prove themselves, their moment to show exactly what they were made of. He thought back to the giddy faces he had seen when they were all boarding the ship, when everyone had looked so excited to be there, they looked dizzy with it all and he smiled. Everyone in that circus was worth their weight in diamonds and this performance in front of the Queen of England would show up everyone who ever doubted that.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Speaking of diamonds… Victor thought as he smiled and turned to lean against the rail behind him. Makkachin gave a happy bark and deserted him to run at the figure who was steadily approaching them, his lips in a wide smile as he stooped to greet the poodle. He looked up briefly from the affectionate dog jumping at his heels to smile at Victor and the Russian was so bowled over by his appearance, he was certain that if he hadn’t been clinging to the rails he would have fallen off of the boat and into the sea. This was the first time Victor had seen Yuuri in casual dress; every other time, Yuuri had been wearing one of his elaborate costumes, with or without an added dressing gown, or a simpler leotard as he practised. Now however, as he stepped across the deck, he was dressed in a cleanly-cut pair of black trousers and a loose white shirt with the top button undone and no tie. His feet were no longer bare but dressed in simple black shoes not dissimilar to Victor’s own and a black suit jacket was slung over one arm. His hair hadn’t been slicked back with oil for the voyage, as Georgi wanted to save his cosmetics for the performance, so his hair was all fluffed up, a victim to the ocean breeze as it seemed to want to torment the black locks by making them bend over backwards. Despite this, his cheeks were pink and his face was beaming and Victor felt like his heart was about to do a flip. He kept his cool demeanour up as Yuuri got closer but he felt precarious; if Yuuri did anything else to make his heart stop, he would slip off the rails onto the hard deck and he knew it.

“What makes you think my thoughts are so valuable?” He asked as Yuuri reached the rails and leant forwards onto them, his arms crossed and hands trailing downwards like he could touch the tips of the waves. He watched Yuuri’s face as he laughed and stared out at the slowly setting sun, becoming keenly aware of his own heart pounding in his chest as he did so. It sounded so loud to his ears, he almost wondered how the other man couldn’t hear it but he was thankful for the steady rhythm; it was giving him something to focus on that wasn’t Yuuri’s gracefully windswept hair and his desire to run his fingers through it. 

“I don’t know. You were just staring so intensely out at the ocean, I thought you might be thinking something really deep.” The acrobat turned to Victor and his eyes twinkled. “Obviously I was mistaken.”

“Cheeky.” Victor smiled at him before he rolled into a more comfortable position on the rails and looked down at the white ripples the ship was making as it powered unyieldingly through the water. “I was just thinking about how Ciao Ciao managed to get this together so quickly. I only told him three days ago, yet he managed to get the whole circus packed up, shipped to the nearest port and on a steam ship to England- just in that time! I can’t work out how he got tickets for us all, let alone for the props and Yuri’s big cats…” He gave a shudder just at the thought of organising transport for those beasts and Yuuri gave another laugh.

“I wouldn’t think about it too hard.” He said. “Ciao Ciao has his ways and he knows people- just like you do. Different people, I’m sure, but they still get the job done.”

“I can see that.” Victor said with wide eyes as they trailed up the side of one long chimney. “I’m starting to think he’s the real magician here, making all this stuff appear out of thin air.”

“You were the one who made this opportunity appear for us,” Yuuri said with undisguised admiration that once again made Victor want to puff out his chest with pride. “Without you, this all wouldn’t be happening. We can’t thank you enough.”

“You don’t need to thank me Yuuri,” Victor said with a warm smile in his direction. “This is part of my job, getting you and everyone else here seen and taken seriously, and I want to do it to the best of my ability. I’m one of you guys now, I hope.”  
His last words wobbled a little, unsure of whether he was overstepping some mark but then Yuuri grinned at him and he instantly relaxed. “I guess you are,” he said. “Anyone who can survive one of Chris’s drinking escapades is certainly worthy of it.”

“God, remind me never to do that again.” Victor groaned at the memory as he pinched his nose and Yuuri gave another laugh. The two of them then fell quiet for a few minutes as they looked out at the slowly darkening horizon, both comfortable knowing they didn’t have to fill the silence. Their arms were about a foot apart but Victor still felt warmed by the other man’s presence- just knowing he was there was enough to give him a warm glow. He grew so relaxed in the peaceful humming quiet that he nearly jumped when Yuuri did break the silence and asked him a question.

“Have you ever been to England before Victor?”

Victor hummed for a few seconds before answering the question. “A few times. When my family first left Russia, England was one of our first stops on the way to America. We lived there for about two years I think- I was only a boy so I don’t remember it too clearly.”

“You lived there? Really?” Yuuri said awed. “Do you remember what it was like?”

Victor shrugged. “Some of it. I remember my parents bought a townhouse right in the centre of London. It was a tall thin building on a main road and it always smelt of lavender because my mother filled the house with it so she couldn’t smell the horse dung of the road outside. She loved that townhouse, she was heartbroken when my father insisted we sell it. She had parties there nearly every week and she always let me stay up for a glass of champagne when my father was out of town.” His face fell and for a moment, the faint smile on his face looked like it had been painted on. “Those were the only real happy memories. My father wanted me to learn English so he sent me to a boarding school. He knew there I would have no choice but to learn or else I wouldn’t be able to communicate with anybody. It was horrible- I had never been taught anything other than Russian and now suddenly I had to learn a whole new language just to get anywhere. When I did learn, the other boys picked on me because I couldn’t shake off my Russian accent. I think I spent most of my time with the teachers because they actually helped me to learn. One of the teachers there actually started to teach me French as well, that’s why I can speak it now.”

“You can speak French?” Yuuri asked, the rosy colour of his face spreading to his ears. “I didn’t know that.”

“Not many people do, mon mignon.” Victor said, adding a soft French lilt to his voice as he said the endearment and watching with glee as Yuuri’s face erupted in bright colour. “See, it wasn’t all bad there. It’s the place I first started writing plays, even if they were about how much I yearned to leave that place. I used to write to my father every day, begging him to let me come home but he never replied, not to a single one.”

His head dipped below the level of the railings as he stared down at the mess of white foamy water. Makkachin, sensing her master’s dip in mood, gave a low whine as she pawed at his leg and Yuuri gave him a sympathetic gaze. “That sounds awful.”

Victor shrugged before he raised his head back up and sighed. “It might have been but then again, that wasn’t the fault of the country. I could have been anywhere in the world and it still would have happened. We left England and went to America and after that, everything is a bit more of a blur.” He gave a chuckle before catching sight of Yuuri’s concerned face. “Hey, don’t look like that, I promise you’ll love England. I’ve been back since then and I’ve grown quite fond of the place. It’s a bit odd in places, they like their tea and everyone has to know exactly where they fit in the social order but on the whole, it’s a lovely place. The people there are a little more accepting I hear; they have a bit of an empire so they’re used to seeing people of different colours. They might not like them but they are sometimes willing to give more of an ear.”

“Oh. I see.” Yuuri fell silent and Victor bit at his lip. Their conversation had taken a rather dark turn and seeing Yuuri’s vacant expression as he looked out at the darkening sky was heart-breaking for him. Why do I always manage to do this? He thought bitterly. Can’t I get this right at least once?

He decided to quickly change the subject. “Have you ever thought of going to England Yuuri?”

“Once or twice.” Yuuri replied, looking a little more relaxed as they both eased back into normal conversation again. “I considered going because I heard London’s streets were meant to be paved with gold.” He laughed, a short sound that was tinged with a little bitterness. “It sounds like a silly child’s story now but I guess there was a time it seemed to be true. I was only a kid at the time after all. I thought it would be a good idea but once I got to America I realised it would be very difficult for me to travel any further. I didn’t have any money and I barely had more than the clothes on my back. Getting to the next town was hard enough, let alone crossing another whole ocean.”

He once again fell silent, seemingly unaware of how Victor was staring at him in total astonishment, his eyes wide and his mouth hung open like it was swinging on a broken hinge. This was the first tiny glimpse Yuuri had given him of his own past, a past that even Chris and Phichit didn’t fully know, and even though he had only been given the smallest of crumbs, his heart felt ready to break. The idea of a small child trying to decide what country they needed to get to, the idea of Yuuri being in a hostile country with only the clothes he stood up in, small and alone, was horrible to him and he suddenly felt the urge to pull him close and hold him until all those memories faded away. 

“That sounds like it was hard.” Victor said but Yuuri remained silent. Whatever door had just slightly creaked opened to let that piece of information slip had just firmly been slammed shut and Victor duly backed away. He didn’t want to force anything out of the shy man; in fact, he hoped that one day Yuuri would want to come to him and spill all of these secrets he was hoarding so deeply inside himself. Forcing Yuuri to speak now would destroy the chance of that ever happening and so, he changed the subject.

“You know, I’m pretty certain England is going to love us after we perform for the Queen.”

“You’re that confidant?” Yuuri asked, turning to him again and Victor grinned. 

“If there’s one thing the English love, it’s their monarchy. If we perform in front of their Queen and she loves us, they are going to love us too, it’s almost inevitable. And they are going to love you too, I’d bet money on it.”

Yuuri blushed again, the bright red only visible to Victor when he squinted his eyes in the low light. “You really are a tease you know.”

“I’m not teasing.” Victor said, attempting to sound as sincere as possible with a wide grin over his face. “Seriously, they are going to adore you. Not only are you incredibly talented at what you do and not only are you going to blow the Queen off her throne, they are going to be wowed by how unbelievably modest you are about it. They’re going to love that about you, the fact that you don’t have you head in the clouds all the time. The English like to see a little humbleness in a celebrity, it makes them seem more human.” He watched as a smile slowly returned to Yuuri’s face and he gave a little hop of excitement. “Plus, you scrub up quite nicely in that suit. Nobody is going to be able to resist you like that.”

“Victor!” Yuuri squeaked out, his body jerking upright in embarrassment and making Makkachin jump up and bark excitedly like they were about to start a game. “You can’t say things like that!”

“Why not? It’s true.” Victor replied, laughing as they both went to pet Makkachin and calm her down. “Do you really think, after all this time, that I would lie to you?”

Yuuri scoffed. “All this time has only been a few days Victor. And anyway, I don’t see why anyone would be looking at me. Why would they be if you’re there?”

For a second, time seemed to freeze as Yuuri realised at the same time exactly what he had said and who he had said it in front of. His hand stopped in the midst of Makkachin’s fur and for a second, his eyes suddenly darted to the railings like he was considering escape by jumping off of the ship. To stop that, Victor managed to stand in between him and the railings but he felt unable to do anything else. The compliment had hit him like the harshest of ocean winds and his throat felt too dry to speak. He crouched down to Makkachin’s level and busied himself with fussing her, if only to give his arms and legs something to do; he feared that if he didn’t keep them occupied, they would end up doing something rash like pulling Yuuri into a tight embrace or getting down on his knees to ask him to marry him. 

“That’s very… nice of you to say.” He finally managed to splutter out. It’s a miracle I don’t sound like I’m drowning, he thought, despite the fact it already felt like he was. He could feel the wind billowing around them was getting stronger and when he looked back out at the horizon, the sun was practically gone. All that was left was a thin yellow sliver on the edge of the skyline, like a long piece of lemon rind. He cleared his throat.

“We should probably go in.” He said, his voice strangely rough as he fought to get it under control. “We’ll need to get our rest, we still have a long journey ahead of us.”

“Yes, you’re right.” Yuuri agreed quickly. He seemed relieved at the perfect chance he had just been given to escape the slightly awkward atmosphere but at the same time, there was a pang in his voice that seemed to say he wanted to linger. Victor felt it like it had been strummed on his own heartstring and he nearly said out loud that he felt that same pull. They must have been up there for a while if the sun had set without them realising, yet it hadn’t nearly been long enough.   
Victor forced himself to stand. Yuuri, suddenly aware of the chill in the air, had pulled his jacket over his shoulders and had taken a few steps back from the railings. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.” He said, his voice wavering a little like he was expecting Victor to deny it. The silver-haired man gave him a small smile and a nod.

“I’ll see you tomorrow Yuuri. Good night.” 

“Yes, goodnight Victor. Sweet dreams.”

Victor waited until Yuuri had walked away and completely vanished from the deck before he gave a loud groan and let his face fall forwards into Makkachin’s fur. “How can one person be this perfect Makka?” He asked, his voice almost sounding miserable. Makkachin didn’t answer with a bark, preferring instead to give her master’s face a confused lick. Victor looked up to see her face, still with her tongue half-sticking out, and he gave a laugh.

“Nope, I don’t know the answer either. Now let’s get in out of the cold. We all need to be fit and healthy for when we meet the Queen!”

He stood up and walked over to the door that led to the rooms below deck but he paused to once again stare out at the line between the sea and the sky. The sun was now practically gone, leaving almost no trace on the sky left behind but he could still see a lighter haze where it had once been. As he stared at it, he couldn’t help but think of Yuuri and his expression earlier when he had mentioned his past. It had been so brief but it was still enough to send a shudder down Victor’s spine that was nothing to do with the chilly air. He’s hiding something, he thought darkly and, in that moment, he wasn’t sure if he even wanted to be told what had happened to him. 

Oh Yuuri, he nearly sighed out loud. What have you seen that I can’t even begin to imagine?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a British person, I can confirm most of those things are true. 
> 
> I do love history but this isn't really my era so I can't promise 100% historical accuracy. Still, I hope you liked it! Next chapter should hopefully be along a little quicker!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first show in England and the night where everything changed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter has been a ride...
> 
> I'm sorry this chapter took so long (I only thought it would be two weeks and it took a little over a month) but I'm currently having to write three essays for university and that leaves me with much less time to write. Also this ended up very long (over 10500 words!!) because I decided to change the ending of the chapter and it made it so long.... still I'm really happy with it and I hope you all will enjoy it too!
> 
> Please leave a comment, they are really appreciated!

“And now, prepare yourselves ladies and gentlemen, for this next act is sure to have you at the edge of your seats! It is an act so daring, so spectacularly dangerous that…”

As he scaled the ladder that led to his starting platform high up among the rafters of their new tent, Yuuri let the booming words of their introduction fade away as he stared straight up at his destination. He had heard this speech over a thousand times from Ciao Ciao but hearing it still gave him a fluttering feeling in his stomach. It was a reminder that this wasn’t a rehearsal now, this was a real performance in front of real people and that always made him feel a little funny inside. Funny, he thought, almost cracking a smile. A showman who is still scared of the audience. Maybe that’s the real oddity here. 

He reached the top of the ladder and pulled himself upwards onto the platform, his breath catching as the structure wobbled a little bit. Carefully, he took the few short steps needed to reach the very edge of the wooden board and he peered down at the heads of the audience below. It had been Ciao Ciao’s idea for him to enter from behind the seating area, meaning the first thing the audience would see of their act would be his figure flying over their heads. Yuuri had been a little wary of the idea at first but now he liked the fact that the people below were facing the other way. It gave him another minute free of their watchful eyes and it also meant he could have a proper look at them without feeling so shy. Usually back at their home ring, he didn’t like looking into the faces of his audience; it made him feel so much more vulnerable and he was always scared of seeing a hostile face among the crowd. Little things like that were easily enough to unnerve him and when he was up in the air with only a bit of rope and a rod of wood to keep him there, the last thing he wanted to be was unnerved.

He toyed with the hem of his new leotard as he peered down at the crowd and nibbled at his lip. Seung-gil had somehow found the time and spare material to whip up two new outfits for their act, only appearing a few hours before during their morning practise to present them. Even though Yuuri hadn’t asked for it (he was usually too shy to approach the intimidating Korean man so Phichit was the one who went to him is their costumes needed mending) but he had to say he was rather pleased with the new design. The fabric was like the silk of their previous costumes but was coloured a light lavender purple with a gather of ruffles at the top of each leg. The costume was a lot more decorative and revealing than his previous one as well; it had no sleeves, his shoulders were uncovered and there was a long V of sheer material at the front that was dotted with small golden beads and edged with thick gold brocade. The point ended with a small purple bow just above his belly button and there were more beads clustered around the top, giving him the appearance of a heavy necklace. He traced the line of brocade nervously, the gold mesh slightly rough under his fingertip. He had worn many costumes during his seven years in the circus but not one like this; usually the showier costumes were reserved for the dancers as they were the ones on the ground where the audience could see them properly and appreciate the finery. He hadn’t been sure about it when Seung-gil had presented it to them with a sullen look but Phichit had been so excited about them and Seung-gil’s silence had been so unnerving, that he had agreed to wear it just so they both would leave him to practise. Now however, he was slightly worried about it. He had never worn something so revealing in front of a crowd before; what if nobody liked it and he was booed off stage? 

To distract himself from his queasiness, he surveyed the backs of the audience’s heads with interest. He could tell from just a glance that this audience was unlike most of the ones they had in America. Usually, their audience was a sea of caps and flimsy lace bonnets or even the bare heads of workers who just wanted to forget their jobs and their lives for an evening. Here however, the audience’s headwear was just as colourful as the circus itself, with so many different shapes, colours and styles of hats that Yuuri didn’t know where to look first. He could see dozens upon dozens of top hats, mixed in among the splendour of the women’s hats. From his position, he could see long plumes of feathers, wreaths of flowers, even what looked like whole small animals resting on people’s heads and it nearly made him want to burst out in nervous laughter. At home, they rarely had any visitors from the upper crust of society; they deemed the circus far below them and if any of them did come, they would usually perch in the far corner of the seating, easy to spot due to their haughty expressions and waving noses that would be high in the air with disgust. However here, every audience member appeared to be from the very cream of society and so far, their faces had been lit up with wonder at every act. Yuuri had heard their oohing and aahing when Chris and his dancers had twirled their way across the stage, he had heard their murmured shock when Emil and Sara had been performing their magic tricks and he had heard them loudly gasping when Yuri had been on stage with his big cats. They were all clearly immersed in the magic of the show and Yuuri tell, even though he couldn’t see their faces, that they were hanging on to Ciao Ciao’s every word.

“This act, ladies and gentlemen, will completely blow your mind! The acrobatics that will be performed before your very eyes will be like nothing you’ve ever seen before…”

As the ringleader carried on, Yuuri’s eyes drifted to the very first row of the audience, where a royal box had hastily been put together. Only a few people were sitting in that small space, which undeniably had the best view, and his eyes were focused on a small head of brown hair that was staring straight ahead with the most perfect posture and grace. That was the Queen, he thought with a little shiver of excitement, the real Queen Victoria herself. There was still a large part of him that couldn’t quite believe he was here, performing in front of royalty, and it was almost enough to make him feel giddy. 

He had gone with the rest of the circus to officially meet the Queen earlier that day and the woman had been both exactly and nothing like what he had expected. When he had entered the throne room, dressed in his best suit and in awe of the grandeur and the sea of courtiers around him, he had expected to meet a queen who matched it, a figure who exuded glory like the statues of Britannia he had seen around both America and London. However, the woman he had seen sitting on the throne seemed, at first glance, nothing like that. She was small and pale, with her brown hair plaited underneath her crown and the crinoline under her red silk dress had been so big, the whole garment almost seemed to swamp her tiny figure. For a tiny moment, Yuuri had wondered if they had walked into the wrong room, until he saw the woman’s eyes. There had been something so regal, so unquestionably authoritative about her eyes that he had wanted to sink into a low bow just at the sight of them. That spoke to him of a true queen. 

That visit had gone exceedingly well, despite the incident at the very beginning that had nearly made it a total disaster. They had just walked in, Victor and Ciao Ciao at the very front of their party, and Queen Victoria had gone to address them.  
“On behalf of my people, we welcome you all to England.” She had said, her voice loud and clear with the poshest accent Yuuri had ever heard. “We hope you will enjoy your time here. We are very much looking forwards to your show later, we have heard it is quite… exhilarating.”

“We are incredibly honoured to be here in your presence, your Majesty,” Ciao Ciao had replied, bowing so low, his top hat had brushed the red carpet at their feet. “And I can assure you, you won’t be disappointed. We are the greatest circus in the world, you will find none better.”

“After your performance, we are sure we will not ever need to look again.” The Queen had answered, an amused smile curling at her lips. It was at that moment when she noticed Yuri standing directly behind Ciao Ciao with a scowl masking his face and his arms crossed. He had been in a bad mood because he had been unable to see his big cats that morning; they were still being delicately transported to the location of their show and the fact Yuri hadn’t been able to check on them had put him in the worst of moods. Even as he stood before the Queen, his eyes looked like they were filled with thunder and his mouth was curled in a way that suggested he was ready to bite.

The Queen viewed him with confusion, her head cocked slightly to the side like a small dog. “Why Mr Cialdini, you appear to have a child in your midst.” 

“We do?” Ciao Ciao said in surprise, temporally forgetting Yuri’s age until he turned around and saw him angrily standing behind him. Giving a laugh, he then put his arm around Yuri’s shoulder and pushed him forwards, ignoring how the young Russian struggled against him and cursed quietly in his native language under his breath. “Oh yes, you mean Yuri. He is one of our most impressive acts Your Majesty, despite his young age. He may only be fifteen but he’s the greatest tamer of big cats I have ever seen.”

“This boy tames wild beasts?” The Queen looked visibly taken aback. “But he looks so small!”

It was at that point when Yuri had snapped. Everyone in the circus knew he despised being called small; back in America, he had put certain troublemakers in hospital after one of them had called him a pipsqueak and he had flown at them. The whole circus had watched powerlessly as Yuri’s eyes seemed to bulge in his head and even Ciao Ciao’s firm grip on his shoulder wasn’t enough to stop him from responding.

“Well you’re not exactly tall yourself love.” He had retorted sharply and for a second, it had felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. The whole circus had stared frozen in shock as the Queen’s eyes went wide and the courtiers around them stiffened like statues. Ciao Ciao and Victor had both looked close to vomiting and Yuri, in the middle of the mess, had stood there smirking. Yuuri had been certain that they would all be sent to the Tower for treason, or at least deported from the country and told never to return, but then the most surprising thing had happened; the Queen began to laugh.

“Oh, how funny!” She had laughed, holding her hand to her chest as the poshest of chortles came spilling from her lips. It only took a moment for the rest of the room to follow suit and Victor and Ciao Ciao both gave their own nervous chuckles as they quickly tried to push Yuri back behind them. “Oh, how quaint! Your beast tamer really is adorable!”

“Adorable?!” Yuri had close to roared as he attempted to climb over Ciao Ciao to get back to the front. Thankfully however, the man was strong enough to hold him back and several of the dancers were also able to grab him, their combined strength easily able to hold him back. “Why don’t you come and say that to my face, you squat little-”

“Yes, Yuri is one of the best,” Victor had quickly stepped in front of the chaos, his voice loud but steady as he went to smooth things down. “He’s very spirited and, as you can tell, he’s very keen to get back to his big cats and get them ready to perform for you, Your Majesty. We all are.”

“How very kind of you Mr Nikiforov,” The Queen had said with a graceful nod before clapping her hands together. “We simply cannot wait; we are sure to have a grand night.”

After that, they had been quickly able to usher themselves out of the throne room, several people still having to drag Yuri, who had still been struggling and spitting curses like a wildcat. They had then spent the rest of the afternoon getting the London theatre they had been assigned ready for the show. They had all put back-breaking work into getting the whole building ready, even Victor had stripped off his fine jacket and tie to help them lug things around, working in only his white shirt that had quickly gotten sweaty and covered in dust as he toiled with the rest of them. That may not have been a practical decision as Yuuri had been too busy staring at him flustered to do any work and as a result had nearly dropped several things on his and Phichit’s toes but it had been good of him to try. Seeing Victor unafraid of hard graft and getting dirty with the rest of them had made his respect for the man go up tenfold and the same had happened among the rest of the circus. Afterwards, they had all gone up and clapped Victor on the back to thank him for helping and, even though he had winced at some of the stronger member hitting his back, Yuuri had seen from his beaming grin that he had really appreciated. He smiled at the memory. That will be good for him, he thought. He should really feel like one of us now.

He could see Victor’s distinctive silver hair from his high position at the back of the theatre, glowing like a beacon even among the sea of colour. He was sitting in the royal box, his head close to Queen Victoria’s and Yuuri could see him leaning over to whisper something in her ear. He’s probably telling her something about how this is his favourite act, he thought, his ears burning at the idea of Victor talking about him. He’s probably being too generous about us, like always. He watched as the Queen leaned back in her seat with a nod and his stomach felt like it was flipping already inside of him. God, what if I mess this up? He thought suddenly in panic. This is the most important show in all our lives, if I mess this up, I’ll ruin it for everybody not just me…

Taking a step back from the edge, he forced himself to focus on his breathing, closing his eyes to stop the images of everyone’s disappointed faces from clouding his mind. Instead of them, he focused his mind on only one person, on one face in that crowd. Victor, he thought, pretending he was talking face to face with the man and the confidence he never usually had. I want you to be proud of me. I want you to be sat there spellbound, just like you were at my rehearsal only better. I only want to perform for you so… please watch me. Don’t take your eyes off of me.

“I give you… Phichit and Yuuri, the Flying Wonders!”

Almost imaging he was grabbing the cuffs of Victor’s suit and forcing him to be amazed, Yuuri took the trapeze bar in his hands and let himself fall from the platform. He heard the gasps and cries of the audience below him rise up like hot air and it felt like they were boosting him higher, higher than he had flown before. The familiar motion of his body swooping through the air following the path of the trapeze was like a balm to his soul and he could feel himself relax as he let go at its peak and went soaring through the air. Here, high above everyone else, this was his domain. This was where he felt truly at home.

Two strong hands gripped his wrists and he only had time to look up and quickly grin at Phichit before his friend had thrown him, sending him flying once again in a different direction. He grabbed the next trapeze with only one arm, letting the other fall loosely by his side as the audience close to screamed at him below. He could tell from the shouting that some of them were standing up in their seats and it almost made him feel like laughing. His confidence was at its height now, he could tell from the way his body felt like it was coursing with it, warming his muscles and lighting a fire in his belly. He grinned as he let himself swing for a few moments, allowing Phichit some time to get in position for their first proper trick.   
Now, he thought, let’s show them what we can really do.

Swinging his legs, he propelled himself forwards, springing from the trapeze and curling up his body as he rotated through the air. He unfurled himself just in time for Phichit to catch him and as he did, a roar of approval burst from the audience. Yuuri could almost feel their relief making its way up towards him and it nearly made him giggle. Still, he knew he didn’t have time to dwell on it. He and Phichit still had a whole act to get through.

They both threw themselves into the next trick, Phichit again hurling Yuuri across the ring as they both span in opposite directions. This time however, they bent their knees and used them to hook their bodies onto the next set of trapezes. In perfect unison, they both went flying over the audience again and the whole crowd started to go wild. Their cheers only served to bolster Yuuri even more; he was feeding off their energy like it was opium and with every second of rapturous noise, he wanted to go bolder. 

As they went to swing backwards, Yuuri clapped his hands twice and a split second later, Phichit rapidly responded with another two claps. Over their years of performing together, the pair had developed a system of signals that they used to communicate with each other during a routine. During rehearsals, they were used to yelling commands at each other but doing so at a proper show, as Ciao Ciao put it, would have ruined the magic so instead they had created their own way of talking to each other whilst in mid-air. Clapping once meant they had to pull out of a trick because they didn’t have enough momentum going whilst one clap and a whooping sound meant one of them was in the wrong place to start. Both them and Ciao Ciao were comfortable with using this system; up in the air it was very difficult for an audience to hear them and there was no way it could hinder their performance. It was an ideal situation.

Two claps was a signal that Yuuri rarely used; it meant he wanted to add more rotations to their spins and he could feel Phichit look over at him almost in doubt. He snapped his fingers, their signal for ‘are you sure’ and Yuuri snapped back with no hesitation. He wanted to try it, he felt almost like he needed to. As the trapeze swung backwards, they both took a leap, straightening their bodies and spinning through the air like tops before hastily grabbing the next one. Instead of their usually three rotations, they had managed four and the audience acknowledged this with a mighty roar that seemed to shake the theatre to its foundations. Yuuri thought he could even hear the other circus folk gasping and that only made him smile wider. On the ground, those people intimidated him, made him and the others feel small for being what they were yet up here, they were in awe of him. Up here, he was the king and nobody could touch him.

The two of them flew through the rest of their routine, the crowd continuing to gasp at every turn and Yuuri felt wonderfully at ease as they responded to each trick with the regularity of clockwork. Each new twist, each different spin brought the house down and he barely needed to signal Phichit when it came to trying their most dangerous tricks as the heightened energy of the room pushed them over the edge. As Phichit swung around the ring on the trapezes, dropping in to assist Yuuri when he could, Yuuri swapped to a rope, then a hoop, then back to the trapeze, and each time he did, the audience practically howled their approval like a packed of overjoyed wolves. Yuuri couldn’t remember the last time an audience had been this receptive and as he approached his final move, he could feel their excitement building in him like electricity, really to blow at any time. 

He swung himself back and forth on the trapeze he had entered in, kicking his legs up so he could reach its maximum height. Then, when he felt like he was as high as he could get, he swung backwards once more, letting himself build up speed so that when he rushed forwards again, the air seemed to pelt his body like even the world itself was worried he was going too fast. He once again reached the very peak of the trapeze’s arc and he let go again, letting his body be propelled upwards like he was trying to reach the stars. He could hear the audience screaming below but this time, their noise seemed faint, like it was coming from the depths of a canyon. All he could see was the line of his hand stretched upwards above him, his fingers pointed like they were about to brush against the ceiling. The moment seemed to last much longer than normal and time seemed to lag, like he was floating above the heads of the audience, like it was impossible for him to fall. However, the moment couldn’t last forever and before long, Yuuri felt himself start to plummet. The audience’s screams were deafening as his figure fell down towards them, twisting and turning as he flipped.

One flip, two flips, three, twist, then four…

Yuuri counted as he went through his usual motions, his eyes looking around as he continued to tumble. Then out of the corner of his eyes, he saw a rope flying over to him and he steadied himself in mid-air to grasp it in his left hand. He sailed once again over the heads of the crowd as, when they realised he wasn’t going to smash into them, they all got on their feet and hollered for him, clapping their hands and cheering as he soared in a circle around the ring, waving to them. All the British reserve he had been told about was nowhere to be seen as they cried out for him and as Yuuri lowered himself down to the ground to land right beside Ciao Ciao, he could see the grin on the ringleader’s face was stretching his mouth to its limit.

“Ladies and gentleman!” He bellowed, spreading his arms wide like he was framing his star acrobat as Phichit whooped from above. “Behold, the Flying Wonders!”

The crowd leapt to their feet like they had just been shocked. The noise that rolled over them was like a tsunami but this time, Yuuri barely paid any attention to it. His focus had been drawn to the royal box where, standing next to the Queen, Victor was on his feet and clapping louder than anyone else there. His cheeks were flushed from the heat and his hair looked tangled like he had been anxiously digging his fingers through it during the act but his wide smile was like a beacon in the crowd and Yuuri couldn’t help but smile proudly back. The crowd’s cheering grew louder as he waved and smiled back at them but he again barely registered it. He didn’t even register when Queen Victoria stood up to clap; he was only hearing one set of cheers and he was only seeing one pair of blue eyes, a pair that didn’t leave his own until the curtain fell in front of him.

OOO

“Yuuri, that performance was amazing!” Phichit gushed animatedly as he threw his arms around, nearly showering the group of people around him with champagne. “I’ve never seen you like that before! You were on fire!”

“You were acting very boldly, I must say,” Chris added, leaning on Yuuri’s shoulder and fluttering his long lashes at him. “I’ve never seen that side of you before; I rather like it.”

“Thank you… I think.” Yuuri said, slowly stepping to the side so Chris was forced to slide off of his shoulder. “But it really was nothing special, I’ve done all those things in practise. You’ve both seen me do it before.”

“Yes, but not like that!” Phichit insisted. “Out there just now, you were like a different person. You were so confident and sure, you never usually signal for a quad flip and you did it just then like you do it all the time! And the one time you do is in front of the Queen of England! It was so unbelievably awesome!” 

His eyes were shining like stars as they gazed at Yuuri in total admiration and Yuuri could feel himself blushing a little in pride. Even though he was certain that his friend’s gushing emotions were partly the result of the flowing champagne, he still appreciated the sentiment behind it. He also couldn’t deny that he was quite pleased with how their performance had gone; the atmosphere of the crowd had been so electric and their response so amazing that he could still feel the adrenaline rush tingling in his veins. The show had ended hours ago but that feeling still hadn’t left him and now, as he sipped lightly at his own glass of champagne, he still felt like he could conquer the world. 

“I agree with Phichit.” Ciao Ciao added proudly as he smacked his large hand down on both Yuuri and Phichit’s shoulders like an overwhelmed father. “You did brilliantly out there, both of you. All the guests here have been talking about you, it’s practically the only thing I’ve heard since we arrived. The Queen was very impressed with the whole show, of course,” he then added, nodding to Chris who gave a beaming smile in return. “She loved the dancing naturally, and she was also very enamoured with our dear Yuri, she couldn’t believe someone so delicate-looking could be the master of those beasts. Those were her own words.”

All three of them gave a snort at the thought of Yuri being delicate and Ciao Ciao rolled his eyes. “I know, I find it hard to believe anyone can look at him and think he’s angelic but there you go. She wanted to properly introduce herself to him but I steered her away from that- we don’t want a repeat of what happened in the throne room earlier.”

“Hear hear.” Chris said, holding up his glass like he was starting a toast before raising it to his lips ans drinking the whole glass down. “Talking of that earlier faux pas, have you seen our beloved director anywhere? I’m sure if there were any incidents here, he would be able to calm things down. Plus,” he said, looking at Yuuri and giving him a sly wink. “I’m sure Yuuri would love to know what he thought of his routine earlier. When I saw him afterwards he looked quite blown away.”

He winked again and Phichit laughed as Yuuri’s face suddenly flamed red. “Chris, stop it!” He hissed almost pleadingly through gritted teeth, praying no posh guest nearby had overheard the loud dancer. “You’re being embarrassing!”

“Me? Embarrassing?” Chris said innocently, his eyes wide like he had never come across the word. “How am I being embarrassing? All I’m saying is that Victor looked very happy after your act, especially with your new leotard and the way it shows off those legs of yours…”

“Chris, no!” Yuuri quietly tried to squeal, his voice going up several keys so he sounded like he was squeaking. “You can’t say things like that! We’re in polite company!”

“I don’t think any company is that polite when Chris is around.” A familiar voice chuckled behind him and Yuuri felt like diving to the floor in shame as he whipped around and saw Victor’s knowing grin. They were standing in a room of the grandest aristocracy in Britain but the Russian playwright still managed to outshine them all, his fine suit and waistcoat somehow making their finery look dull by comparison. His tie was a deep red and Yuuri could spot small diamonds gleaming at his cuffs. His simple shirt was plain but clearly made of expensive silk and his whole suit, although not lavish, still screamed expense. With his usual perfect silver hair and wide smile, he dazzled like a star and Yuuri was suddenly struck dumb, unsure of what to say when faced with such splendour. He would have probably stood there motionless until the end of the evening if Chris hadn’t once again stepped in with a loud laugh and a clap to Yuuri’s shoulder.

“How true my friend, how true! We were just discussing Yuuri’s performance earlier, it was such a surprise to see this new side of him! There was so much fire, so much sex appeal… I think that new leotard really helped, don’t you think mon ami?”

He once again winked, this time at Victor, and Yuuri was so busy cringing and trying to hide behind his nearly empty champagne glass that he didn’t notice how flustered Victor looked as he coughed loudly to hide his own embarrassment.

“I thought you were excellent out there Yuuri,” he said honestly, trying not to stumble over his words as he coughed again. “All I’ve heard about since the ball started is how amazing you were. I agree with Chris, there was something different about you up there… it’s hard to find the right words, it’s like you had transformed into Eros.”

“Eros?” Yuuri blinked as Phichit sidled over to them and cocked his head at the unfamiliar word. “What does that mean?” 

“Eros was one of the Greek gods of love, really of sexual attraction,” Victor explained to his sudden small rapt audience. “He was said to be the son of Aphrodite, the goddess of love and he looked rather like Cupid. The Greeks had four different kinds of love and one of them was Eros which was for sexual love. There’s also storge which is familial love, philia which is love for your friends and agape which is unconditional love for all of humanity. I studied all this back in boarding school, this is taking me right back to Ancient Greek. I never thought I’d need it for this.”

“That’s so cool!” Phichit cried out, bobbing on the spot in excitement as he gripped Yuuri’s other shoulder and shook him. “Yuuri, that’s exactly what you were like- a winged god of love! That’s such a cool idea, we should so tell Ciao Ciao, he’ll love it! That could be a new name for you in our act- Eros, the Flying Wonder!”

“What? Phichit no!” Yuuri close to squeaked again, suddenly wishing he had a lot more champagne in his system. “That’s a terrible idea! I’m not sexy at all, people are going to come and be disappointed if they think I’m going to be all…” He was blushing so hard, he could barely say the word and Victor felt a stab of guilt for bringing it up. “I can’t do that!”

“But you can Yuuri! We just saw it all with our own eyes!” Still holding on to Yuuri’s arm like he feared the man would escape, Phichit turned to Victor and fixed him with his earnest brown eyes. “Victor tell him! Tell him that he could pull it off!”  
“I…” Victor ability to speak failed him as three separate pairs of eyes glared at him, waiting for his response. “I… think I should go get some more champagne. I’ll be back!”

“You better be!” Phichit shouted after him as he turned his back and bolted from the situation as gracefully as he could, causing a few guests to turn and tut at him. Quickly, he made his way to the other end of the large ballroom and gave a sigh of relief when he saw he hadn’t been tailed. He could still hear the sound of light bickering if he listened closely, Yuuri’s high panicked voice mingling with Phichit’s enthusiasum and Chris’s deep laughter and he felt another stab of guilt. He hadn’t wanted to leave Yuuri to the wolves but he also felt awkward when he thought back to his reaction to Yuuri’s performance earlier that day. It hadn’t exactly been his most dignified moment.

He thought back to the act as he steadied himself against the table and let his glass be filled by a passing waiter who appeared and then vanished like a ghost. He could remember every moment of the routine clearly like he had photographed the entire thing though he doubted a photograph could ever do it proper justice. Yuuri had really looked like an angel up there, soaring through the air like he really had wings under his purple leotard and he had been so mesmerising, Victor had almost forgotten to breath as he watched him. Like everyone else in the circus, he too had sensed the different energy that had surrounded the acrobat and trickled down into the audience. He had seen Yuuri before in practise and he had never felt anything like it before; it had been darker almost, a richer more mature air like something deep was awakening and the feeling had been thrilling. Victor had seen it in the way Yuuri had moved; every twist and spin had had a new sensuality to it, like Yuuri was playing up to his audience, letting them feel the knife edge of danger with him and Victor had watched him with a dry mouth and a leaping heart. It had been like a new creature was controlling Yuuri’s body, a side to him that he had only previously seen in flashes and the confidence that he had shown up there had left Victor spellbound. He had to fully agree with Chris; Yuuri had been sexy up there, ruling the sky like it was his own kingdom, and rather embarrassingly, he had let it get to him. He took a long swig of champagne, barely feeling the bubbles tickling his throat as he set his glass down. How could he look Yuuri in the face and tell him that he had enjoyed his performance so much, he had almost disgraced himself in front of the Queen? He had been very grateful at that point that the theatre had been hot; it had given him the perfect excuse to take his jacket off and lay it across his lap until his problem had gone away. He grimaced at the memory. If only Yuuri knew exactly what power he had over him…

He turned back to face the centre of the ballroom and smiled when he saw the back of Yuuri’s head in the crowd. The acrobat had seemingly managed to lose his friends and escape the embarrassing conversation and was taking refuge next to a table piled high with full champagne glasses. Victor saw him sneak one away and drain it in a matter of seconds and he almost laughed out loud. Bless him, he thought fondly as he watched him take another. He probably needs it after being harassed by those two. 

He took a sip from his now full glass as he dragged his eyes away from Yuuri and surveyed the ballroom. Even though he had organised the trip and got his old associates to spread the word about the circus’s arrival, he was still amazed at the sheer number of people that had come. The ballroom was one of the largest in the country but it had still been a squeeze to fit the huge numbers of guests in and as he looked around, the room was so packed it was all too easy to lose sight of people. Earlier he had been scared that they would have to turn people away but when he had voiced this to Ciao Ciao, the big man had just laughed.

“That’s the best problem to have in show business my boy. It just proves you’re doing something right!”

Victor gave a chuckle at the memory. He had been so anxious about this visit to England; it was the first thing he had organised for the circus and he had wanted it to go well, both for him and for the people he had come to greatly admire. There had been so much that could have gone wrong and a few things had very nearly gone wrong (just thinking of how that incident in the throne room could have gone was enough to make him shudder) but surprisingly, it had all gone without a hitch. The show had gone perfectly, Queen Victoria had praised it to the skies and now, the biggest and brightest in London society were here to welcome them. He gave another smile and resisted the urge to toast himself. He couldn’t think of how it could have gone better.

It was at that moment when a low stern voice suddenly barked coldly from his side and he almost choked on his next mouthful of champagne. He recognised the deep Russian accent almost instantly and as he turned to face the speaker, his sunny mood disappeared like a dark cloud had passed over him. 

“You seem happy Victor. I’m surprised to see that given how low you have stooped.” The man frowned, the lines cutting into his face like they had been carved there by a sculptor. His arms were crossed over his chest and he had a look on his face like he had just smelled something deeply unpleasant in the air. He too was wearing an expensive suit with a waistcoat and the hair under his top hat and the hair in his short, trimmed beard was silver. He looked down at Victor from the end of his long nose and for a few seconds, Victor felt like he was once again at the gates of his boarding school, being told to stop snivelling and get back inside.

“Father. It’s been a while.” He replied, greeting him with only a curt nod and resisting the temptation to chug all his champagne in one gulp. “I didn’t realise you were here. Did you go to the show earlier?”

“Certainly not!” Lord Nikiforov barked as if the idea was out of the question. “You wouldn’t find me dead at one of those hooligan shows. They are nothing but common.”

“Lots of people here didn’t seem to think they were beneath them.” Victor pointed out. His father’s eyes narrowed.

“These people don’t know true aristocracy.” He uttered bitterly. “In Russia, we know how to show true opulence; in St Petersburg, this would be a peasant’s tea party.” There was a long pause as Victor didn’t respond to his father’s complaints. He had heard them all before and he knew that no amount of arguing could get him to change his mind. “I never would have come if I hadn’t heard from one of my old friends that your name was attached to this… display. Apparently, you’re the one who organised it.” 

“That is correct, I did organise for the circus to come over from America.” Victor answered before taking a swig of champagne. “How is Mother? Is she here?”

Lord Nikiforov snorted. “Like she would ever want to come to a debacle like this. No, I told her to stay at home, saves me bringing the smelling salts. You know how delicate she can be. And don’t try to change the subject Victor; I’m not here to talk about your mother, I’m here to talk about you. I didn’t tell your mother you were here because I didn’t want her to start fretting. She worries about you enough, foolish woman, she hasn’t seen you for years. If she knew what you had got yourself into…”

“I’m part of a business Father.” Victor cut over him, his fingers gripping his glass so tightly, he was fearful it would smash at any second. “This is a new venture of mine and I take a sizable cut of the profits. I thought you might be pleased with it; you always did dislike me writing plays for a living and you had a business yourself.”

“That was completely different!” Lord Nikiforov thundered, his cheeks going puce in his effort to keep his rage dignified. “I invested in a shipping business, I was hardly its owner! I never had to do any of the work! I am a Nikiforov, we are of the ancient blood! We do not toil among the peasants like you are doing! I thought writing plays for the masses was bad enough but this! This is shameful, to me and our proud family name! I can’t believe you have let yourself fall so low. You are being pathetic. And not only are you content to drag our name through the mud, you choose to associate yourself with people like that.” 

“Excuse me?” Victor said. “People like what?”

“That.” With his cane, Lord Nikiforov gestured across the ballroom with a snort of disgust to a figure standing by the table of champagne glasses. Victor followed his eyeline and when he caught sight of the person he was glaring at, his blood ran cold. Yuuri was still standing there, looking a little like a lost fawn as he dithered by the table, unsure of whether it was safe to come out or not. Chris and Phichit must still be on his trail, he thought briefly as he saw the acrobat reach out for another glass and sip at it delicately, his cheeks looking much pinker than they had done five minutes ago. The rosy colour only added to his cuteness in Victor’s eyes and he would have smiled if he hadn’t then looked back at his father. Lord Nikiforov’s eyes were narrowed into venomous slits and his lips were curled in disgust. As he watched Yuuri fidget with his collar, he looked more like he was viewing a pig rolling in muck than an actual human being and the sight flooded his body with cold anger. He was so angry, he felt frozen to the spot and he knew that if he hadn’t been so still with shock he would have leapt for the man’s throat.

“Just look at him.” Lord Nikiforov practically spat as he continued to eye Yuuri with the same hostility a man might give his worst enemy. “A sloppy drunkard taking advantage of the free alcohol, a thief and a slob just like the rest of them. They aren’t like us Victor, they are little better than the animals. They don’t belong here with decent men, they belong in their own country. I’ve heard some disturbing things Victor, things I wouldn’t ever want to hear about my own son. Apparently, there’s a rumour going around that you are friends with that pig over there. Even worse…” He gave a pause like he couldn’t bear to utter his next words. “I’ve heard from a few sources that you and he have feelings for each other, feelings that are gross and irrational. You cannot have my name sullied like this Victor. I can’t bear the idea of this from my own blood!”

Victor stiffed turned to face his father fully, his blue eyes flashing with fury as he glared at him. He could taste bile in his mouth, the burning of it so strong that not even the champagne could wash it away. His father had enraged him many times before, sometimes seemingly just to spite him, and he had made his life so difficult, it had gotten to the point where he no longer visited his mother just because he knew he would also have to face him. He had dealt with all of these pains and more but this… this was the ultimate insult. Victor glanced round briefly to see Yuuri and saw to his dismay that he was watching him and his father. He could tell from the almost haunted look on his face that he had seen the evil glare his father had given him and he quickly stepped in front of him, trying to block his view but he could still feel his heart sinking. He knew Yuuri had seen it and that it had already affected him; he could see Yuuri out of the corner of his eye reaching out for another glass of champagne and he could also tell from the way he was trying to hide his face that he was holding back tears. That only made him feel even more terrible. He knew how much Yuuri hated being confronted with hate like this and his father had just provided platefuls of it. He turned back to see his father looking almost satisfied with what he had done and the anger that had been freezing his limbs suddenly started churning like lava. It was one thing for him to insult Victor, he was used to it and could take it, but going after Yuuri… that was a completely different story.

“Don’t you dare talk about him like that.” He close to snarled, swallowing the last of his champagne to try and douse the flames inside him a little as he stared his father down. The Russian man’s eyes widened and he raised his eyebrows like he couldn’t believe he had just been spoken to like that, before once again, they fixed themselves on Victor, their icy blue colour mirroring his own. 

“I will talk about your circus pig in whatever way I want to.” He said coldly. “You are my son, you have no right to speak like that to me like that. I will not have it!”

“Then I won’t speak to you at all.” Victor said firmly, finally regaining the feeling in his body as he pushed himself away from the table and gave his father another curt nod as Lord Nikiforov’s eyes bulged. “Good evening to you.”

With those last words, he angrily strode away, ignoring how several pairs of eyes followed him across the room. Not really knowing where he was going, he made his way towards a small door in the corner of the grand ballroom and quickly shoved his way through it, pushing the door shut behind him with a slam like he was shutting out the rest of the world. He looked around and saw he was in a small dimly lit corridor with dark wood-panelled walls and a worn-down uneven stone floor. This must be the servant’s corridor, he thought as he leant against the wall and gave a low sigh. He could just about hear the music and chatter of the party through the thick wall, like the hum of a faraway hive, and when he looked down, he realised with a chuckle he was still holding his empty champagne glass. I hope no one thinks I’m trying to steal it, he thought as he held up the crystal-cut glass before letting his arm droop again. That might very well cost me my reputation here.

Thinking of his reputation just made him think of his father again and his wan smile quickly disappeared. He couldn’t believe his father had just said all those things about Yuuri. He had always known his father was the worst kind of aristocrat who considered everyone behind them and believed their bloodline held them above working or doing anything productive but he had never imagined his father could be so hurtful practically to someone’s face. Even though Yuuri hadn’t heard his father’s words directly from him, he knew he had seen the look the man had given him and that had been enough to make him nearly cry. His own throat tightened as he recalled the look on Yuuri’s face. He had looked so hurt and so confused but also resigned as he had turned back to the heap of champagne glasses and that is what had killed Victor to see. This hate towards him was nothing new to Yuuri, he had had it happen to him so many times before from people, just because of the way he looked. It all came from people who had no idea what a sweet and talented person he was underneath and that for Victor was the worst part. They had no idea how they were chipping away at his soul, each day taking a little bit more, until there was nothing left of him at all. 

Victor rubbed at his face with his free hand. He had never felt more useless. He knew that by now, his father would be talking to a group of people, telling them how ungrateful his son was and how horrific it was to watch his own flesh and blood gallivant with such people. He could already see how these people would nod and agree, the air around them turning sour as they viewed the circus performers with disdain. It would be easy for them to forget how entertained they had been by these people just a few hours before; now they would turn their noses up at them and Yuuri would have to see it all. He might have already heard his father’s words; Victor knew better than most people how quickly a whisper could fly across a room. He gave another groan and his throat tightened again. He knew it wasn’t helpful to hide himself in here, away from the circus when he was supposed to be the one giving them credibility, but he knew he couldn’t just stand out there and witness it all unfold. He wanted to stop it, he wanted to halt the damned words and their damned ignorance before it could reach Yuuri and his other friends but he already knew it was too late. He was powerless to stop it and he felt so drained from his anger at his father that it was all he could do just to lean against the wall.

Maybe he’s right, he thought. Maybe I am just pathetic. All I can do is hide in here like a coward; I can’t even do anything to help him. 

He closed his eyes, hoping against hope that he could block it all out, but then suddenly the music from the other side of the wall got louder and much faster. It sounded like the whole band had suddenly been reborn with new life as the music grew livelier and Victor frowned as he turned his head and pressed his ear to the wall. Alongside the music, he could hear the murmuring of the crowd was getting louder and louder, building up to a crescendo to the point where it almost sounded like they were cheering. What on earth is going on? Victor thought, drawing his head back in confusion. He had been to a lot of stuffy parties but none of them had ever sounded this fun before.

It was at that moment when the door next to him threw itself open with a loud bang and he sprang back in surprise, nearly crashing into the wall behind him. He looked up to see a panting Phichit was standing in the doorway, his eyes wide and frantic like he had just been chased around the room by hellhounds. “Victor! There you are!”

“Phichit! What’s going on?” Victor asked. Now that Phichit had opened the door, the sounds that had been muffled by the wall came flooding into the corridor and among the wall of noise, Victor could definitely hear cheering. “What’s happening out there?”

“Victor, you have to come with me, now.” Phichit insisted, suddenly reaching for his hand and yanking him towards the door. “Yuuri’s gotten completely drunk, he’s had about sixteen flutes of champagne and everything’s gone totally crazy! Chris and I tried to stop him but he wouldn’t listen to us and now, he out in the middle of the dancefloor!”

“What?!” Victor spluttered out, his hand reaching out to cling to the door frame. He couldn’t believe what Phichit had just told him, it felt like his brain was unable to process the words. Yuuri, drunk? Out of control? How could that be? Yuuri always seemed to be in control, he never usually lost his cool; even when he had been intensely angry at Victor, he had always kept himself firmly in check and even now, he had shown no sign of his emotions getting the better of him. The idea of him losing it just seemed unbelievable and he felt a sudden stab of guilt. He had seen the way Yuuri had started drinking after seeing the look his father had given him and remembering it now made him feel even worse. He lifted his head up as he stumbled through the doorway and the sight that greeted him made his heart sink into his shoes. “Oh no…”

Phichit gave a solemn nod. “Yeah. It’s this bad.”

Victor straightened himself slowly, his eyes glued so intently to the middle of the ballroom that his fingers still had to grip the doorway just to ensure he didn’t stumble again. A large crowd had formed in the middle of the room, loudly cheering and clapping their hands as they watched the lone figure in the centre of their circle. Victor saw a brief flash of black hair through the gaps in the crowd and he felt himself surge forwards like he had no control of his limbs. He and Phichit rushed towards the ring of people, pushing their way through the mass to get to the middle. He spotted Chris right at the edge of the crowd and he elbowed his way towards him, shouting over people’s heads to get his attention.

“Chris!” He called out, watching as the Swiss man turned around and, on spotting him held out his arm to drag him over. “What happened? And where’s Yuuri?”

“I’m not sure.” Chris replied, having to lean into Victor’s ear and shout just to be heard over the ruckus. “After you went off to get another drink, he disappeared and Phichit and I couldn’t find him for a while. When we finally did, he was right by the biggest champagne table and he seemed really upset. He refused to tell us what had happened but he looked ready to cry and he just kept drinking, we just couldn’t stop him. He just got more and more drunk and he started complaining about being too warm and then… well, this happened.”

He gestured to the very middle of the crowd, where a large area had been cleared, and Victor’s jaw almost hit the floor. Yuuri was there in the very middle of the space, his body twisting like it had been caught in a whirlwind. His body was moving to the music in a strange kind of crazy gymnastics; he looked like he was up in the air performing even though his feet were touching the ground. He was flipping and spinning on his toes with his hands held up high like a trapeze was right above him at his fingertips and when he firmly planted his hands on the floor and whirled around on them instead of his feet, the crowd around them went wild, baying for more like they were back at the circus. Victor had never seen such dance moves before but it wasn’t Yuuri’s dancing that made his mouth go dry and his stomach suddenly tighten like an iron hand was gripping at it. The immaculate suit that Yuuri had been wearing at the beginning of the evening had been almost completely dishevelled; his dark jacket was missing, his blue tie was wrapped around his head like a silk crown and his white crisp shirt had been unbuttoned, leaving his entire sculpted torso on show. Victor could see every single one of Yuuri’s muscles flexing as he danced and the sight made his knees feel weak. How was he supposed to survive exposure like this? He thought, watching his every move as he couldn’t drag his eyes away for even a second. Never mind him, how was anyone else supposed to survive this?

Tearing his eyes away, he looked around the ballroom and caught sight of a few disapproving faces. Whilst many people in the ballroom, mostly the younger members of the aristocracy, looked like they were enjoying it and some were even beginning to dance, others looked downright scandalised. A few people had their mouths hanging open like they were swinging on broken hinges, others held deep scowls of disapproval and there were several women and even a few men reaching for smelling salts in their bags. Still, there was one thing that all of them shared; none of them could take their gazes away from Yuuri.

“Victorrrrrrrr!!!” A loud slurred voice suddenly shouted straight into his ear and Victor sharply turned just in time to catch Yuuri as the Japanese acrobat leapt at him and threw his full weight into his arms. “There you are, I thought you had gone. I thought you were mad at me.”

Yuuri’s big brown eyes blinked up at him, innocent as a baby owl’s despite the state of undress he was in. The brown in them was burning with a fire Victor had seen only when Yuuri was performing high up in the air and now it was so close to him, he felt sure he was going to burn with it. “Why would I be mad at you Yuuri?” He asked him, trying to delicately hold him upright as his body started swaying.

“You were with an angry man,” Yuuri slurred back at him. “He looked really old and mad and he was staring at me like he hated me. I don’t know whyyyyy, I’ve never seen him before but he looked mad and he made me cry.” He paused for a minute to point at his eyes, like he was showing Victor exactly where his tears came from, before he sobered up enough to properly fix Victor with a stare. “You were standing with him and you looked really mad too. I thought I’d done something wrong and you ran away from me earlier…”

“I wasn’t running away from you.” Victor told him, both his arms wrapped tightly around Yuuri’s body to stop him from falling. “I was running away from Chris and Phichit because they were trying to embarrass both of us, remember? And I wasn’t mad at you, I was mad at the angry man because he was being a fool. I could never be mad at you Yuuri.”

Yuuri’s face broke into a wide beaming smile and Victor felt him sag a little with relief. “That’s good, I don’t like it when people are mad at me,” he grinned up at him and Victor suddenly felt Yuuri’s hips moving against his own. “Especially you Victor!” He turned his head sharply back to look at the dancefloor behind him that was steadily filling up. “I want to dance! Victor, dance with me!”

“What?” Victor blurted out, frozen to the spot. “Yuuri, I can’t, I-”

“Victor, please?” Yuuri’s voice lowered into a deep croon and Victor shuddered at the sound of it. It felt like Yuuri’s voice was being poured into his ear like molasses and he was powerless to resist it as Yuuri’s hips continued to move. He was practically grinding on him now, in front of everyone, and yet Victor found himself unable to care as he was cajoled onto the dancefloor. “We’ll have fun, I promise. I know you can dance really well, everyone here says you can. Please Victor, for me?”

Victor had whispered out a stuttering yes before he knew it and before he could do anything else, he found himself being whirled across the dancefloor. Yuuri took instant control, one hand clasped tightly in Victor’s whilst the other found his waist, his palm so warm, Victor could feel it burning through his clothes. All Victor could do was grab his shoulder with his free hand before he was dipped so low, the hair on the back of his head brushed the floor. For a fleeting moment, there was a gap in the crowd and Victor caught a glimpse of his father standing against the back wall. He had never seen the man look more disappointed; his arms were crossed in front of his chest and as he stood among a group of scandalised-looking older aristocrats, his head was slowly shaking from side to side. Victor could see the unashamed anger and disgust in his eyes and for a moment, he felt it bubbling uncomfortably in his stomach. Then, just before he could start to dwell on it, Yuuri had scooped him back up with a laugh and the two of them span around. They span so quickly, the rest of the room blurred around them and the only thing that was in focus was Yuuri’s smiling happy face. He looked up at Victor and laughed, a bright sunny sound that seemed to fill the whole ballroom and made Victor feel like the sun was glowing even in the middle of the night, and he found that he was laughing too.

They can all think what they damn well please, he thought as he let his hand wander down to Yuuri’s waist and started to match his feet and rhythm to Yuuri’s rapid pace. Nobody is going to take this from me. Nobody.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get awkward between Yuuri and Victor after the ball but then Ciao Ciao gives Victor an idea...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! Hope everyone is having a great summer!
> 
> I have not been able to do much writing in the past few months because essays and exams were kicking my butt but now it is summer, I should have more time for getting fanfic out and so I want to write as much as I can. I'm sorry this took forever but I rewrote the first part so many times because I couldn't get it right. I hope you all like it.

After that first eventful night, the rest of the visit to England passed almost dully for Victor. He had woken up the following morning with aching feet and a spinning head and, from what he had seen from the other members of the circus, he hadn’t been the only one. They had stayed in London for a full week and every night, the circus had played to a full house with the queue for tickets stretching across the street, almost down to the river Thames. Each night, there had been a crush of people desperate to be seated and each night, the show had ended with such thunderous applause, Victor was surprised he could still hear at all after sitting in the front row each time. His plan had been a brilliant success; once London had heard their show had the Queen’s approval, the demand for tickets had gone soaring higher than their trapeze ever could and Ciao Ciao had been so overjoyed, he had added two extra shows to their tour. He had also been able to charge more for each ticket. The price rose to almost double what it had been in America, and the circus was flooded with profit. Everybody had been overwhelmed by the positive response they had gotten in London and Victor knew that he should be jumping with joy like the rest of them. However, even though he was happy for the circus and proud of what he had done, his mood still felt dimmed, like a candle whose wick had been burned down to a stub. He had kept a brave face on for the whole week, throwing himself into his work in promoting the circus but the work there had already been done for him. The show was on the lips of every important figure in London but what really made it sting was the particular person whose name was said in a whisper of awe, who nobody could fail to mention. Everyone was talking about Yuuri, the Flying Wonder who flew like he really did have wings and the man who had been avoiding Victor like he was the plague.

That first morning after the ball, it had been exciting. Victor hadn’t known quite what to expect from Yuuri but that hadn’t stopped him feeling like a million butterflies were fluttering in his stomach when he thought of what had happened. It had been like a fantasy, like something that had only happened in fairy tales. He had never imagined the shy man was capable of seducing him so utterly and completely with just one night of dancing and he was fairly sure that Yuuri hadn’t believed it was possible either. He hadn’t been expecting Yuuri to fall instantly into his arms, despite the fact he had daydreamed about the possibility several times when he let his mind wander, but he also hadn’t expected that Yuuri would disappear in the way he did, just to avoid him.

The day after the ball, Victor didn’t even catch a glimpse of the acrobat. He had gone down to practise specifically to try and talk to him but nobody there had seen him, not even Phichit. The Thai man had taken him aside and told him that he had knocked on Yuuri’s door earlier but hadn’t got a response; the only reason he had known Yuuri was still in there was because he had been snoring so loudly, he could hear it through the door.

“I’ve never heard him snore that loudly before.” He had admitted, his face struggling not to grin as he relayed the information to Victor. “He must have been really drunk like last for him to do that. I would let him sleep late if I was you. He’s going to have the worst hangover in the world when he wakes up…”

Victor had been disappointed but he had heeded Phichit’s advice, ignoring how his heart felt like it had been pummelled with a lead weight. The memories of the night before had been a little sketchy in places (Victor couldn’t remember how he had gotten back to his bed at all nor could he recall what had happened to both his diamond cufflinks) but there were certain memories from the ball that wouldn’t stop playing in his mind. They were so clear and so perfect in his head, he knew he would never forget them for the rest of his life. 

He could remember how Yuuri had held him so securely in his arms, pressing him tightly against his body like he had been assuring him he would never let go. He could remember how hot his skin had been against his own in the way their sweaty palms had glued together and in the slide of their foreheads as they had brushed against each other. When his shirt had ridden up in the frenzy of their movements, he had felt the muscles of Yuuri’s stomach as they had crashed together, each one burning on Victor’s own like a brand. He could remember spinning until he was dizzy, until the room blurred so much he wasn’t sure what was floor and what was ceiling but his one constant had been Yuuri’s eyes. They had always been there looking into his, clear as glass, never breaking their stare. Those eyes had looked at him like they were looking into his heart and that night, all he had wanted to do was spill all of its contents. That night, it had felt like there had been a great shift between them; before Victor had felt like he and Yuuri were steadily building a friendship, tiptoeing carefully into something that could be more and now he felt like both of them had just vaulted over a canyon and rushed into something that was both exciting and confusing. It had sent his head reeling and he had gone to bed with a mind filled with all the dreams and possibilities that could come from after that dance. He had never dreamed it would end up the way it did. 

For the rest of their trip in England, Yuuri had been like a ghost to Victor. For the rest of that day, he had refused to leave his room, even for evening practise, and Victor had only known he was awake because he had heard his voice mingling with Phichit’s when he had passed the room. He must have walked past at least a dozen times, making his footsteps loud in the hope he would be heard and let in, but each time the voices had only hushed and the door refused to budge. It had then only gotten worse as during the next few days, he somehow managed to allude Victor, despite the Russian man’s many determined attempts to corner him. He waited outside practise in the hope that Yuuri would see him but Yuuri would stay determinedly in the air, not letting his feet touch the ground and disappearing on one of the ladders. He had tried to talk to him before a show started and he went out on stage but Yuuri would hide among the props and spring out when he was past him. He had even vaulted over Yuri’s head to dart away from him, making the small blonde scream at him with rage. At certain points, it had felt like a cat and mouse game and it had gotten so ridiculous that the whole circus would have believed it was a game if Victor hadn’t looked so hurt each time Yuuri managed to slip away. 

Some members of the circus, like Chris and most of the dancers, had tried to help Victor catch him but they had soon learned that it was very difficult to catch an acrobat who felt much more at home when his feet were touching the ground. After the third time Yuuri had managed to escape their grasp by scaling a wall and flying out of the nearest window, an exhausted Chris had presented Victor with an alternate solution.

“Why don’t you just corner him after one of the shows? He has to go to his dressing room then to change out of his sweaty costume, he’ll have no choice but to be there then.”

Victor had thought it was a brilliant idea and, after hugging his friend and promising to buy him several drinks when they got back home, had gone to the stage to watch and wait for the end of that night’s performance. Everyone had been spectacular like always and when Victor had watched Yuuri high up in the air, moving like he was weightless, it had felt like his heart was in his throat. This really meant everything now, he had realised, watching the curtain fall and take Yuuri into its shadows. He needed to know where they stood, just for his sanity over anything else.

Whilst the audience filed out, Victor had quickly dodged backstage. Nobody took any notice of him as he passed through the clusters of tired performers, except for Chris who gave him a large wink and mouth ‘Go get him tiger!’ at him. He had quietly made his way to the dressing rooms, being careful not to make a sound as he made his way to Yuuri’s door. His heart had been pounding like a drum inside his chest as he stood in front of it but he made himself take a breath as he raised his hand and knocked.

“Yuuri? Are you in there? Is it OK if I…”

Victor’s words were suddenly cut off when a loud squeak and the sound of rapid scuffling came from the other side of the door. Victor froze in place, unsure of what had just happened. Had Yuuri… dived into his wardrobe or something? He tried calling out again but the only reply he got was silence. He had been about to try the door but something had stopped him. Maybe Yuuri just doesn’t want to talk about it, he thought, staring down at the door knocker like it could somehow provide him with an answer. Does he really regret what happened that much? He had sighed, his shoulders drooping like a wilting plant as he walked away from the door. He has to come around at some point though, right? He had told himself as he made his way out of the theatre and back to his hotel. He can’t avoid me forever.

Yuuri however, seemed determined to do just that. Throughout the rest of their stay in England, Victor had only caught glimpses of him as he darted around corners or sprang into other rooms. He had barely caught sight of his face and his heart ached for it. He hadn’t realised how used he had become to seeing Yuuri everywhere but now he wasn’t there, it was like a gaping void had opened up. When they boarded the boat to head back to America, Victor had kept to his room for almost the whole trip, only emerging for meals and to walk Makkachin. It was too painful to walk on the deck; it reminded him of when he and Yuuri had been out there, talking until the sun went down and it grew too cold to stay out there. Thinking of that evening that had given him so much joy now left him confused. Was it too much to ask for that again? He didn’t even know anymore. He felt like he was bobbing in the cold sea, unsure of where the waves were dragging him. He was so lost at sea that even when the circus got back to America and settled back into its normal routine, he still didn’t feel right. He had never imagined that anyone could make him feel like this, he who had always been the heartbreaker.

Funny, he thought. He didn’t feel like his heart was breaking. He felt like his heart was being stretched like a piece of elastic or a dancer’s stocking, pulled out in two separate directions far beyond what should have been the breaking point. It felt like his heart was so wrung out, it would never mould itself back into its original shape and, if he was honest, Victor wasn’t sure he wanted it to.

That was how he found himself one morning in Ciao Ciao’s office, the side of his face pressed against the shining mahogany surface of his desk as his body slumped dangerously close to the edge of his seat. His eyes looked glazed over and his mouth was in a miserable pout. His hands were brushing the green carpet and when his hair flopped listlessly over his face in a silver veil, he made no attempt to move it. He looked the picture of despair and Ciao Ciao was nodding sympathetically as he watched him, his eyes on Victor as his hands seamlessly moved money into different piles along the desk.

“I don’t know what to do Ciao Ciao!” He bewailed as the tall man on the other side of the desk continued to add up his profits. “I don’t know what I’ve done wrong. All I want to do is just talk to him but he won’t come anywhere near me!” He lifted his head a little to look up at Ciao Ciao, his head tilted and his eyes wide like a begging puppy. “What else can I do? I hate this situation. It’s like he hates me!”

“I know it’s gotten pretty bad and I feel for you Victor.” Ciao Ciao answered, his hands briefly pausing in his work like he wanted to pat him on the head. “I wish I could be of more help to you but I can’t think of what else to say. The only thing I can say is to be patient. We’ve been back less than a week and you’re chasing that boy down like he’s a deer. Yuuri isn’t used to letting people in. He’s had walls up for as long as I’ve known him and I’m certain there are ones not even Phichit and I have been able to scale. I don’t know what’s going through his head most of the time but I’m sure he’s just as confused as you about what happened that night. We all saw you two dancing and I especially was surprised by it; I’ve only ever seen him that confident when he’s up in the air.”

“I know.” Victor said, a small smile on his lips. He couldn’t help but recall that moment when Yuuri had pulled him close and demanded to dance with him, his eyes alight with an amber fire that had threatened to burn him. His smile had been so carefree, it had made the world seem dull and leaden with worry by comparison and he had laughed so beautifully, it had felt like the whole ballroom had gone quiet to hear it. “I never expected it to happen.”

“I suspect he didn’t either.” Ciao Ciao warmly smiled back at him. “I remember seeing him at the drinks table but I didn’t think he was drinking that much. I’ve never seen him get drunk before… I can’t think of what must have happened for him to do that.”

“Indeed.” Victor said guiltily. The last thing he wanted to do was reveal that it was his father that had pushed Yuuri to drink. Just the thought of his father’s insults and Yuuri’s teary face was enough to put a sick feeling in his stomach. He had expected insults from his father, he had been used to them for as long as he can remember, but he had never expected him to turn on Yuuri like that. It was moments like those that made him wish his father had elected to stay in Russia with the rest of the cold snobby aristocrats, just so the rest of the world didn’t have to endure his outdated views. “But what can I do Ciao Ciao? Do you really think he hates me?”

Ciao Ciao sighed. “I’m really not sure Victor. Yuuri has always been a little bit of an enigma to me and I’ve known him for years. However, I can’t imagine he hates you for it. He’s always had a great admiration for you and he don’t believe he’s upset with you. I saw you both on that dance floor and I can’t remember the last time I saw him that happy.”

“You really think so?” Victor asked hopefully, his head rising off the desk. Ciao Ciao nodded.

“I do. But I still think you need to give him some more time. Knowing what he’s like, he’s probably more confused than you are.” 

“But how long am I going to have to wait?” Victor asked. He knew he sounded like a petulant child but he couldn’t help it; time was passing as slowly as spreading treacle and Yuuri showed no signs of opening up to him. It was making the job he loved almost unbearable and he had seen the way his rift with Yuuri was affecting everyone else around him. “I don’t know how much longer I can take this Ciao Ciao. He’s taken to so many lengths to avoid me… did Chris tell you he jumped out of a window just to escape seeing me? And this isn’t just about me and Yuuri anymore, the whole circus is getting affected too. People are getting really worried about him; he only ever seems to talk to Phichit now and everyone says he keeps disappearing after practise. The atmosphere in the theatre back in England was really tense at the end of the tour and it has only gotten worse since we got back home. I need to end this now, not just for my sake but for everyone else’s. I can’t carry on being the director if I’m causing all this trouble.”

“I see.” Frowning, Ciao Ciao leant back in his chair, his hand coming up to his chin as he pondered what Victor had just said. “You’re right, we can’t have this carrying on permanently, it is just going to disrupt everybody. But I can’t think of what you could do to assure Yuuri. You need to make him realise that what happened between you two isn’t going to ruin your friendship.”

“Yes.” Victor said a little dejectedly. He had felt a pang in his chest at the word friendship but he knew at that moment, he couldn’t really ask for more. Yuuri clearly wasn’t ready for that and it would be selfish of him to push for more. Still, that didn’t stop it from hurting. “But what should I do?”

Ciao Ciao continued to think, his face creasing as he racked his brain for ideas. “Hmmm… maybe… have you tried reaching out to him in other ways? I know you’ve tried talking to him but have you considered maybe writing him a letter and sending it to him? You could put a gift with it or something, that would maybe show you were sincere.”

“Maybe but I don’t want it to look like I’m buying his affections.” Victor replied sadly. “And if it had my name on it, I doubt he would read it. If anything had my name on it, he would probably throw it away…” Victor suddenly paused, his head shooting up from the desk like the wooden surface had turned to lava. His eyes were wide open and bright, like a new light had been turned on behind them and in the light of the small office, they appeared to sparkle. “Ciao Ciao, you’ve just given me an excellent idea!”

“I have?” Ciao Ciao cocked his head confused as Victor sprang up from his seat, nearly sending his chair crashing to the floor. 

“I have to go!” Victor gushed, excitedly reaching over to exuberantly shake Ciao Ciao’s hand, shaking it so hard, it made his entire body jolt. “You’re the best Ciao Ciao! Thank you for the idea! Thank you, thank you, thank you!” 

“But…” Ciao Ciao only just managed to say before Victor grabbed both sides of his face and planted an exuberant kiss on his forehead. Then, within seconds, he was gone, leaving nothing but a violently wobbling chair and a swinging door in his place. Ciao Ciao remained frozen in his chair, not entirely sure what had just happened.

“Errr… no problem… I think.”

OOO

Yuuri fell through the door of his dressing room and quickly shut it behind him, leaning his forehead against the wooden panels as he closed his eyes. That evening’s show had only just finished and if he listened closely, he could still hear the sound of stragglers making their way out of the building and spilling out onto the street. He could feel his chest rising and falling sharply, both with the exertion of the high energy act he had just finished and with the extra effort it had taken him to run here, to his sanctuary where he could be left alone. He sighed as he tried not to slump against the door. He wouldn’t usually have been so desperate to shut the rest of the circus out after a show but recently, it felt like he had to for his own sanity.

He squeezed his eyes shut and half-heartedly hit his fist against the door. Ever since they had got back from their tour in London, it felt like everyone here was out to corner him. There was a new stifling atmosphere that seemed to follow him wherever he went and when he went to practise, the room would go silent when he entered, with everyone turning to stare at him. It made him feel incredibly uncomfortable; he knew it was part of his job to have people staring at him but he was used to being high up in the air when that happened, up where people could see him but couldn’t get anywhere near him. On the ground, the stares seemed much more piecing, much more real, and he hated the way they felt like lead on his skin, weighting him down and keeping him on the ground. What made it worse was that he knew exactly what they were all saying about him. He knew why the eyes of the circus now followed him around the ring like there was a new light around him and they couldn’t look away from the brightness. He knew what the stagehands were whispering behind there hands when they saw him approaching and he knew why his face always burned with embarrassment when he saw it. And he knew it all came back to one person. 

Victor. It was always Victor.

He groaned loudly. Why did everything in his life seem to be dragging him back to that infuriating, beautiful man? It was like Fate was trying to drive him crazy. He had never fully believed in a God or anything like that but it did feel like something or somebody up there was determined to force a certain Russian man with blue eyes and the charm of a prince in his path at every opportunity. It was like he was being mocked with how perfect and how unobtainable he was. 

Yuuri sighed as he turned from the door and collapsed onto his chair. He should have soaked his exhausted body in his tub of ice water before now and he could already feel a familiar ache biting into his bones but he didn’t mind it too much. It was a welcome distraction from the muddle of thoughts in his mind and he set up his bath slowly to keep himself from thinking too hard. After a short while, he finally set his legs into the freezing water and gave a deep sigh of relief. At least here, he could have a treasured moment of peace.

As the ice jostled around his legs and his body settled into the cold, he couldn’t help but think back to that night back in that ballroom in London, the night which had sparked this whole mess. There wasn’t much of that night he could remember and what he could picture was still blurry around the edges, like he had been watching it through a piece of misty glass. He could remember talking with Chris and Phichit and the way both of them had teased him about his performance just to make him blush. He could remember the warm fuzzy feeling that had settled in his chest after he had had a few flutes of champagne and the way his heart had jolted when Victor had seen him and given him a compliment. He could remember staring across the ballroom as Victor had spoken angrily to a man with hate-filled eyes and he could remember feeling rooted to the spot when the man had turned those deathly cold eyes on him…

Tears prickled in his eyes just thinking of that moment and he hurriedly blinked them away. He couldn’t think of the last time someone had made him feel so horrible and worthless with just a stare; usually it was their words that made him cry like a child in front of them. He didn’t know who that man was but the fact that his cold eyes was the last thing he could remember of that night sent unpleasant shivers down his spine. After that point, the night was a blank. He couldn’t remember a thing from later that evening, not a single song or dance or conversation… He could only remember waking up the next morning in his room, a headache pounding like a drumbeat inside his skull and a surprising lack of clothing on his body. Just thinking of the state he had woken up in was enough to make him want to hide in his dressing room and never emerge again. It was only made worse by the fact he somehow knew deep inside, seemingly just from instinct, that whatever had happened that night had something to do with Victor. 

It had started as only a strange feeling, a little niggling thought that had persisted in the back of his head and refused to leave him alone. At first, he had furiously dismissed it, believing it was only part of his anxiety talking but, to his shock, the feeling had been proved correct when Victor had kept trying to talk to him. He had been persistent in trying to get close to him, waiting after shows and trying to catch him after practise. He had got to the point where even Yuri had felt sorry for him and offered to set one of his big cats on him.

“Tigers are the largest big cats in the world so Potya could eat him for breakfast.” He had told Yuuri gleefully one night after Yuuri had hidden behind a stack of straw that was usually used to line the cat’s travelling cases. “And she could use Victor to show Olga how to hunt- it would be a good experience for her to learn since she’s still a cub!”

Yuuri had gracefully declined the offer, even though it had seemed a rather tempting way of getting rid of his problem. Victor had kept taking him by surprise; one night he had knocked on Yuuri’s door right after a show, before he had even had the chance to change out of his ruffled outfit. At the sound of his voice, Yuuri had panicked and thrown himself into his wardrobe, nearly knocking the thing to the ground in his alarm. That wasn’t the only ridiculous thing he had done to try and avoid Victor; one time, Chris and some of the other dancers had tried to corner him and he had, in his panic, launched himself up the wall like a spider and jumped out of the window. He had ended up dangling from the windowsill three floors up from the busy London street but the gasps from everyone down below as they watched him scale down the side of the theatre and slip in through another window had almost made the whole thing worth it. Ciao Ciao had enjoyed the publicity at any rate.

Yuuri gave another soft groan at the memory and covered his face with his hands, his body instinctively curling up to protect him. He knew he was being a coward. He knew he couldn’t avoid Victor forever. It wasn’t like he even wanted to; being around the circus now without Victor was like having a beautiful day without a blue sky, it just didn’t seem to work. He wanted to go and find him, he wanted to tell him that he wanted this silly game to be over but there was a small terrified part of him that was holding him back. If he spoke to Victor, he would have to find out exactly what had happened that night in London, what memories were meant to fill those blank spaces in his mind, and if he was honest, he was scared to know the truth. He had no idea what he could have done and just thinking about what he could have done drunk made him shiver. What if he had made a complete fool of himself? What if the whole of London and the circus saw? People could be laughing at him from both sides of the Atlantic Ocean and Victor could be just trying to break it to him gently. Yuuri winced. Maybe the Russian man was really disappointed with him; he could have said anything in front of him and what if he had and hurt his feelings? Knowing he had done that would kill him inside. In that case, maybe he was better off not knowing.

Forcing those worries to the back of his mind, Yuuri lifted his head up. His aching body was now mostly numb from the cold water and that was his signal to get out and go to bed, ready for an early start to practise tomorrow. He was just about to hoist himself up and swing his legs out of the tub when his eyes caught sight of something white on his desk. Pausing, he turned his head and blinked when he saw there was a white envelope resting in the middle of his desk. He was certain that it hadn’t been there before when he left for the show and he had no memory of putting it there. I’m not starting to get blackouts, am I? He thought, panicking for a moment. Michele said his grandmother started doing that right before she went insane… He froze for a long moment, staring at the envelope like it could explode at any second. Sara had told him that was nonsense and Michele was greatly exaggerating but it was still a scary thought.

Shaking a little, Yuuri reached for the envelope and delicately picked it up by the corner. He turned it over and was relieved to see it had his name written on it in an unfamiliar hand. That meant he couldn’t have written it and that calmed him down; at least he wasn’t losing all of his mind. However, the unfamiliar writing brought a new anxiety with it. When he had first started performing at the circus, he had gotten a lot of letters from people who had come to see him. Most of them had been full of praise but a few others had been horribly cruel, telling him that he didn’t belong here and that he needed to go back to his own country where all the rats like him deserved to live. They had been so distressing that Ciao Ciao and Phichit had stopped anything from reaching him and so he hadn’t received any letters from fans for years. What if this one had slipped through? The idea of a mad fan sneaking backstage to slip this into his dressing room made him shudder and Yuuri gave himself a mental note to ask Ciao Ciao to step up the security here. You could never be too careful after all.

Holding the envelope at arm’s length, he gingerly began to open it. The first thing he noticed about it was that it was written on very high-quality paper; whoever had written it clearly had expensive taste. The writing was very sophisticated as well which made it difficult to picture a fan writing it. The people who could afford this kind of thing were usually not the same people that enjoyed the circus. Maybe it was from London?

As Yuuri finally peeled the envelope open, a small piece of folded paper fell out and landed on the desk. He eyed it closely as he picked it up. Was this a joke of some kind? He wouldn’t have put it past Chris or some of the others to play some kind of trick on him.

He unfolded the paper and his eyes scanned over the page. There were only a few lines of script, written in black ink with the same curling handwriting, but the words that were there made Yuuri’s eyes open wide in shock. 

To Yuuri,  
I know you’ve been under a lot of stress recently with everything that has happened in the circus and so I have organised something for you as a gift for your hard work. After the show tomorrow, a nearby theatre, The Rink, is staging a performance of the play Stay Close to Me. I have booked a ticket in your name. Please arrive at the theatre 15 minutes before the play starts and enjoy.  
Ciao Ciao.

What? Yuuri thought, bewildered. Ciao Ciao brought me a ticket to the theatre? He clutched the note to his chest as if he feared it would disappear. What possessed him to do that? He read the note again and again, until the words began to blur and then set it back down on the desk next to the envelope. It was a strange thing for Ciao Ciao to do, he wondered, gently lifting his numb legs out of the bath and drying them off. Have I really been looking that stressed? He kept glancing back to the note and the fine paper it was written on. The handwriting didn’t look much like Ciao Ciao’s regular handwriting; his was usually rushed and tended to resemble chicken scratch. He didn’t usually write on such nice paper either. Maybe he’s trying to posh himself up a bit, Yuuri thought. With all the profit we made in London, maybe he thinks he can aim for high society. He chuckled. It might take a bit more than fancy paper for him to do that.

Still, it was nice of him to do that, he thought, excitement starting to bubble in his belly. He and Phichit knew he had always wanted to go to the theatre but that he had always been too scared to. I bet Phichit suggested it, he laughed, he would want to give me a kick up the backside and push me to go. And they couldn’t have picked a more perfect play; Stay Close to Me was Victor Nikiforov’s first published play and had been the first one that Yuuri had read. It had been the first play listed in the manuscript collection he owned and he could remember how he used to pour over it, his eyes gobbling up each line until he was almost word perfect. And now he was going to see it performed, with real actors on a real stage! The thought enough was thrilling and he had to bite back a squeal. He was really going to go and see a play!

Carefully putting the paper down and smoothing over the wrinkles in it, he hastily got ready for bed, conscious that he would need his sleep for tomorrow. As he curled himself up under his blankets and blew out his candle, he couldn’t help but smile into his pillow. I can’t believe it, he thought, making himself close his eyes even though he felt too excited to sleep, like a child on Christmas Eve who just wanted it to be morning. Thank you Ciao Ciao. This is going to be amazing.

OOO

This was a bad idea.

That was the only thought Yuuri had as he walked up the steps towards the theatre, his hands wringing together under his coat and his heart jumping in his throat. He could feel himself shaking as he forced himself to put one foot in front of the other. He was wearing his best dark suit and coat, with a light green silk tie he had chosen because he wore it the least and therefore was the least worn, and his only pair of nice gloves were getting crushed between his anxiously strong fingers. He was beginning to regret wearing his finery; he felt so ill, he was worried he was going to be sick all over it. He felt like he was wearing a clumsy disguise, trying to fit in with the people around him but still managing to stick out like a sore thumb. I knew I shouldn’t have come, he inwardly despaired. I should have just stayed back home. At least there, he could fit in. 

All around him, large clusters of people were making their way into the Rink, people who looked like they were drenched in money. There were fur coats, gold watches and diamonds as far as the eye could see and each glimpse of luxury made Yuuri feel physically sick. I don’t belong here, he kept thinking. How could I have thought this was going to be good? He felt like fleeing and he knew if any of these rich white people turned to view him with disgust, he would run back to the circus like he had dogs at his heels. However, mercifully, nobody was paying him any attention and that was the only thing keeping him on track. He had dreamed of this for so long and Ciao Ciao had been so kind to get him the ticket and because of that, he wasn’t willing to let it go that easily.

The Rink was an impressive building, a finely decorated stone sculpture of a structure that had been made to resemble something like a Roman temple. Columns flanked the long front of the square building and on the wall behind them, several images of goddesses in the classical style, with long flowing togas, loose hair and bared breasts, had been exquisitely carved into the stone. Inside, the foyer was even more grand. The ceiling seemed almost topplingly high and had been painted with an army of frolicking cherubs. It was so high up and yet so detailed, Yuuri couldn’t help but pause to stare up at it. It’s so beautiful, he marvelled, his mouth slightly open in awe. I wonder if I could get a trapeze up there… then I could see it even more clearly.

He stood admiring the ceiling for a short while, letting the crowd bustle around him until the foyer was almost empty. Yuuri finally tore his eyes away when he realised the time and he looked anxiously over at the bored-looking ticket attendant. He was standing in a small golden booth with a glass screen in front of him and as Yuuri approached, he gave a nervous swallow. Half of him was sure that the man would demand to know what he was doing here and order him out of the theatre but instead, the man just viewed him with glassed over eyes.

“I have a ticket booked in the name of Y-Yuuri Katsuki.” Yuuri said, his fingers digging into his gloves like he meant to rip them. The man stared at him for a moment and Yuuri was convinced he was going to start laughing at him for thinking he could enter but instead, he peered behind him and started picking through a small pile of paper.

“Ah yes, here we are. Yuuri Katsuki.” He said, turning back around and holding out two slips of paper. Yuuri stared down at his hand and felt like the bottom had dropped out of his stomach. Something must have gone wrong, he wasn’t supposed to have two tickets. A quiet panic set on him when he realised he would have to tell the man there had been a mix up. Would that cause a scene? He really hoped it wouldn’t or he really would run.

“I t-think there’s been some sort of m-mistake.” He stammered out, the collar of his best suit suddenly feeling too tight like his green tie was choking him. “I believe there’s o-only supposed to be o-one…”

“No, there’s no mistake. There are supposed to be two.”

A voice suddenly cut over Yuuri’s stuttering voice and a gloved hand elegantly swooped in front of his to take both the tickets. As the ticket man nodded and turned away, Yuuri felt like his heart was hammering inside his chest like it was trying to break free and run like he had wanted to do the whole way here. It had barely taken him a second to recognise that smooth voice and he suddenly felt like an idiot. Of course, he thought. Why was I stupid enough to believe Ciao Ciao was actually behind this? The man wouldn’t even think of doing something like this.

Slowly, he turned around to see Victor was standing behind him, a wide grin on his face as he held both tickets aloft. Yuuri almost despaired at the fact that he looked even more perfect than usual; he was wearing a suit with tails and a dark waistcoat very much like the one he had worn at the ball and his tie was a luxurious cream colour that matched the scarf he had draped over his shoulders. He was even wearing a top hat that looked strikingly similar to the one he had worn the first time Yuuri had set eyes on him, that day when Ciao Ciao had snuck him into practise. Just thinking about that moment made his face flare red with embarrassment and having Victor standing right in front of him with that wide perfect smile on his face was not helping. He knew he was standing there gaping like a fool but his body felt as stiff as a waxwork and he only felt able to move when Victor gave a soft chuckle.

“My, my, Yuuri I never expected to see you this surprised.”

“Can you really blame me?” Yuuri retorted, finally finding his tongue again. “I never expected to see you here, that’s all. I didn’t think this would be all a ruse.”

Victor’s smile dropped a little bit. “I didn’t mean to deceive you Yuuri,” he confessed, sounding a little like a schoolboy about to be severely told off. “But I felt like I had no choice. You wouldn’t come near me and everyone’s been worried about you… I just wanted to see you and for everything to go back to normal, to the way it was before you didn’t want to see me.” He appeared to crumple a little in front of Yuuri, his shoulders sagging a little, and Yuuri at once wanted to pull him close and hold him. 

“I always wanted to see you,” he answered, his own voice unsteady as he fought for the right words. “I really did. I was just too scared. After the ball I… I wasn’t too sure what had happened and I was terrified that I had made a complete fool of myself… I just couldn’t face you thinking I had done that. I know it was stupid but…”

He trailed off, watching Victor’s face for disapproval or anger but instead, Victor gave a fond laugh. “I could never think you were stupid Yuuri. If anything, I’m the stupid one; I was the one who kept trying to corner you the whole time and failed so badly at it. I’m so stupid, I couldn’t even get that right!”

The two of them laughed and for a moment, it was like the long days of awkwardness between them had never happened. It felt almost like they were back on the deck of the ship that had taken them to America, both laughing as the sea sprayed them and the sun went down. Yuuri giggled at the memories of all the times he had had to dodge Victor, now seeing them in a new amusing light, and he gave Victor a small smile of his own.

“Maybe we were both being dumb.”

“Maybe.” Victor said, giving a sigh. “Listen, I know that things are a little strange right now and we should probably talk about this but how about just for tonight, we go and just enjoy this show? Would that be OK?” He held out his arm, giving a wink for good measure. “I’ve heard it’s pretty good.”

Yuuri laughed as he stepped forwards and, after a brief second of hesitation, took Victor’s arm. “I’m sure it will be excellent.” He said as Victor gently led him towards the steps. He could feel his heart thudding again at being so close to Victor and when he squeezed his arm slightly tighter, he could have sworn the Russian man nearly tripped on the first step. “I wish I had had the courage to come see it sooner.”

“They do say good things are worth waiting for.” Victor replied as they continued to climb the carpeted stairs up to the theatre. “And this production of the play is truly exceptional, they really captured the-”

“Victor? Is that you?”

The two men suddenly halted only a few steps from the top. Standing there, two figures were looking down at them, their forms seeming to fill the entrance. Their eyes were fixed on them both and Yuuri could feel himself shrinking back. He didn’t have a good feeling about this. 

“Victor!” The figure on the left cried out in joy, clasping her hands together over her bosom. Her voice held a distinctly strong Russian accent and when Yuuri looked up at her properly, he saw a tall aristocratic woman who was strikingly beautiful. She had long white hair that had been swept up into a tight bun decorated with a headdress of sparkling diamonds and more glittering gems hung from her ears and throat. The jewels however, seemed to pale next to her own willowy beauty; her skin was like fresh snow with no blemishes in sight and her eyes were a wide azure blue. There were small wrinkles in the corners of her mouth and eyes but they were the only things that betrayed her age; in every other respect, she still appeared young. Her dress was made of blue silk and Yuuri was dazzled by the sheer grace that she seemed to exude. It felt like he was being graced by the presence of a goddess and he wasn’t sure if he should bow or not. “I haven’t seen you in ages, my dear boy! How are you?”

She made to step towards him, her arms half-raised ready to embrace him, but the figure on the right took her arm and pulled her back, keeping her firmly by his side. Yuuri looked up at him and suddenly felt sick to his stomach. It was the man with the hate-filled eyes. He was standing there in a heavy-looking navy suit, a silver-topped cane twirling between his fingers in his other hand, and his eyes were once again turned on Yuuri. He could feel the man’s disgust like it was slime on his skin and he felt like the man had stabbed him to his core. The only thing that kept him standing there was Victor, who was gripping his arm like he would never let go and had stepped slightly forwards in a protective stance. He gave the woman a large smile but Yuuri could see the way his eyes had narrowed on seeing the man. 

“I’m doing very well thank you.” Victor said, ignoring the coldly furious man and turning all of his attention towards the woman, who was smiling at him like he was the sun itself. “I’m only sorry I never have time to visit you. I hope you are in good health Mother. And you too,” he then said in a much harsher tone, addressing the man who stood next to her. “Father.”

Father? Yuuri’s head reeled as he stared at all three of them, the realisation hitting him like a boulder. How could he not have noticed? The woman was practically the image of Victor, it didn’t take a genius to recognise where he got his appearance and manners from. But that also meant… the news was like a knife twisting in Yuuri’s side. The man with the hate-filled eyes was Victor’s father? How could that be? He thought. How could someone so hateful father someone so kind? It didn’t seem to make any sense.

He didn’t have time to dwell on the new revelation as Victor’s father suddenly snapped at him, his eyes raging as he turned on his son. “What on earth is going on here?” He hissed angrily through his teeth. 

Victor stayed calm, his eyes staring directly into his father’s as he addressed him like nothing was the matter. The only thing that betrayed his anger was the tight grip he kept on Yuuri’s arm. Yuuri could feel him shaking a little under his suit and he wasn’t sure if it made him feel reassured or terrified. “I’m just out at the theatre Father, about to enjoy this wonderful new production of my play. Yuuri very kindly agreed to come with me; he’s a great fan of the theatre.”

“Great fan?” Lord Nikiforov sniffed. “More like great scourge. I already told you to stay away from this man, all you are doing is putting a blight on our name. Rumours were already circling in London like flies around muck and they are even worse here. You need to stop this, this… whatever this is right now. You shouldn’t be attracting this kind of attention, especially not in public.”

“Father, you are speaking out of turn.” Victor warned, his eyes sharp as knives. “Now, if you could kindly let us through…”

“Victor, you have to see sense!” Lord Nikiforov close to exploded. “This is exactly what I was talking about in London! You refused to heed my words there but you will heed them now! These people, they are not like us!”

“Victor, what is your father saying?” Lady Nikiforov suddenly asked. After her husband had shouted, she was now clinging to his arm like Yuuri was a wild animal that she feared would attack her. She was looking at her son with distrust and when Yuuri looked at her, she deliberately angled her head away. “Surely you cannot have any feelings for this man? You can’t, your father is right, they are not like us. They are beneath your kind.”

“Mother!” Victor sounded appalled but Yuuri could barely hear him over the panic ringing in his head. The matching pair of blue eyes, so much like Victor’s, were still drilling into him and it felt like they could see straight into his core, like they could see everything about him and they were ashamed of it. He was shocked and embarrassed that such things were being said about him in public. He had expected it from Victor’s father, he had already seen how much he hated him, but the fact that Victor’s mother held the same views was almost intolerable. It was awful to hear such horrible words from someone so beautiful and so like the man he adored that it was too much for him to bear. He suddenly felt like he was standing on a tightrope, about to plummet and nobody would be there to catch him, and he needed to be out of there. 

He tore his arm out of Victor’s and sharply turned around, running briskly down the steps even as Victor called his name after him.

“Yuuri! Wait!” He heard Victor yell after him but he didn’t look back. He didn’t want him to see the tears that were falling down his face as he ran back through the beautiful foyer and through the theatre doors, out into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't kill me... hehehe
> 
> Comments are writer fuel remember!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why don't we rewrite the stars...

“How dare you!” Victor turned on his father with fury. His eyes were burning with a deep rage that he had never even considered he was capable of, and he could tell from the unsettled look on his mother’s face that his anger was pouring from every inch of him like lava, hot enough to burn the theatre down around him. His fingers had tensed into fists and he could feel his arms shaking in rage. The side that Yuuri had pressed against now felt cold, like the ghost of his joy was still there haunting him, and the emptiness was only fuelling his rage. He couldn’t believe that, just when he had finally been on the edge of a reconciliation, when he had been so close to seeing Yuuri happy again, it had all been dashed right in front of him. He felt so frustrated, he could have screamed; the only thing holding him back from shouting at the top of his lungs was the knowledge that he couldn’t he seen screaming like a banshee outside a production of one of his own plays. God knows, he didn’t need another scandal to happen tonight. “How could you say that?” 

“Victor, I can see you are clearly distressed.” Lady Nikiforov said smoothly, stepping away from her husband for a moment to extend her arms like olive branches towards him. “But your father and I acted for the best. This behaviour could not continue and you’ll be thanking us for this one day. Think of what could have happened if you were seen inside with that man… Come and enjoy the play with us tonight darling, we have our own box and the theatre will be understanding…”

“No!” Victor tore himself away from her, taking a few steps backwards as she stared at him in horror. “How can you expect me to go and enjoy this with you after what you just did? Are you that small-minded and bitter you can’t see how much you’ve hurt me? What you just said was disgusting and cruel and I feel ashamed right now to know you both. I expected this from Father but I never expected to hear it from you Mother.” He shot a glance at his mother and saw there were glowing tears in her eyes. Great, he thought. That makes two of us then. “I thought you of all people were better than this.” 

“Victor!” Lord Nikiforov boomed from his position on the top of the steps. “You will not speak to your mother in that way! Can’t you see what we’re trying to do?”

At his words, Victor could suddenly feel himself go cold. He suddenly felt like all the anger inside him had frozen over and now the last place he wanted to be was here. He had a sudden vision of Yuuri’s face right before he had turned and ran out of the theatre and it broke his heart. His face had gone a deep pink from trying to hold his tears back, his lips wobbling as he pressed them together and his shoulders rising as he tried to make himself smaller and less of a target. When the tears had broken through at his mother’s words, his whole face appeared to crumble like pastry and when he had thrown Victor’s arm away to run, it had felt like he had physically stabbed him through the heart. The pain had been even worse knowing that only a few minutes before, he had been so happy to be finally seeing a play. He knew he couldn’t let the night end like this for him and so he looked up at both his parents with a glare that could have matched his father’s.

“Oh, I know what you are trying to do.” Victor said, his voice as cold as he felt. “You’re trying to keep me from having the one thing that makes me happy. I shouldn’t really be surprised, that’s what you’ve always done so you’re pretty good at it now.” He laughed harshly. “Father, you have disapproved of everything I’ve ever wanted to do from my plays to my traveling and now my new venture, and you’ve never made any attempt to hide it. And Mother, you did nothing about it. All you’ve ever done is bend to his will like a reed and I, like an idiot, have been doing the same thing. Well, I’m not doing it anymore. You two selfish people can enjoy your play- I’m going to get my life and love back.”

“Victor wait! Darling, please!”

“Victor! Get back here this instant!”

Victor’s parent’s both shouted after him, his father furious and his mother close to tears, but Victor ignored them as he ran down the steps, pushed past the bemused ticket attendant who emerged briefly from his booth to see what all the shouting was about, and out through the grand doors of the theatre. He didn’t look back as he spilled out onto the cold dimly-lit street where a multitude of carriages and bored coachmen were waiting outside for the play to finish. They surveyed him with raised eyebrows as he ran into the centre of the road and hurriedly darted his head in every direction, not sure where Yuuri had gone. He knew there was no chance of him catching up to Yuuri now; the acrobat had incredible stamina and could run very far if he wanted to. He could have been halfway out of the city by now and Victor’s heart sank at the thought. His only chance was finding where Yuuri had run to and hoping he could talk to him there. And there was only one place Victor could think of, the one place where Yuuri always felt safe and in control.

The air.

The air was Yuuri’s sanctuary, the place where he felt secure even when there were hundreds of pairs of eyes watching him. It was where he was most confident and beautiful and where Victor had first been enchanted by him. And the only place Yuuri could get up there was the circus ring. Victor felt like he had been hit by a bolt of lightning. That’s where he had to be, he thought. That’s exactly where he would go to escape everything.

Turning sharply on his heel, he began sprinting up the road, ignoring how several bemused pairs of eyes were following him up the street. The only thing he was focused on was getting to the circus and as he swerved his way through the twisting busy roads of Paris, getting further and further into the back streets, he felt like his dress shoes had suddenly grown wings. His lungs were starting to feel heavy, like they were made of lead, and he was breathing in great gasps that made the back of his dry throat hurt, but he still didn’t stop running. He was desperate to get to Yuuri, desperate to try and salvage the situation. He was terrified that after this, Yuuri would never speak to him again but in his heart, he knew it was more than that. Ever since he had met Yuuri and first felt that frisson of electricity that had passed through him just from a single glance, it had felt like the two of them were caught in some strange aerial act of their own, one where they danced around each other but never quite came together. There had been so many times that they nearly had, but somehow, they always seemed to end up on opposite sides of the ring, both dancing to different music. Victor picked up his speed. He was determined that tonight, that dance would end.

He spotted the circus up ahead and bolted for the front doors, trying to tell himself that the fast running was the reason for his pounding heart. He wasn’t sure what state he was going to find Yuuri in and those worries made him feel like there were a million knots in his stomach. He reached the entrance and frantic questions in his mind started to plague him like hornets buzzing around his head. What if he was wrong? What if Yuuri was somewhere else in the circus? Would he be crying somewhere in the building, maybe in one of the back rooms he had taken Victor to the night he was drunk? Would he be holed up in his dressing room and refuse to come out like he had done before after what had happened in London? Or would he be where Victor believed he would be, already high up in the air where nobody, not even Victor, could reach him? Each prospect seemed more daunting than the one before it and he felt close to throwing up as he threw himself through the doors and dashed towards the ring.

He rounded the corner of the stands that had been standing empty since the end of the last show a few hours before, and he breathed a sigh of relief. Yuuri was standing just across from him at the edge of the ring, his figure silhouetted against the post where the workings for the trapezes and ropes sat coiled like snakes around metal poles. To Victor’s dismay, he had changed out of his best suit and was wearing a plain dusty-white leotard he reserved for practising. Even from a distance, Victor could see the tension in his body; he was standing as rigid as a solider with his shoulders square and his back stiff, and he was angrily yanking at the ropes, whirling them around like they were to blame for the night’s misfortune. Victor couldn’t see his face from where he stood but he saw him briefly pause in his attack on the ropes to rub at his eyes and he knew with a pang he was still crying. The air was still except for the tiny sniffling noises that were coming from the lone acrobat and the harsh cracking of the ropes as he threw them about like they were whips. The scene was a heart-breaking tableau and Victor found himself frozen still as one word dropped from his lips.

“Yuuri…”

The sound word was a crack of thunder in the quiet ring and Yuuri whirled round in shock when he heard it. He caught sight of Victor and his body too felt like ice as he stared at him through the glimmer of fresh tears. Victor looked like a ruined man; his top hat and scarf had blown away somewhere along his journey and his hair was messed up as a result, almost resembling candyfloss in the way it had gone fluffy. His shirt looked sweaty and his body hung limply from his fast running, like it was going to drop at any second. He looked like he wanted nothing more than to collapse onto the sawdust but his blue eyes were firmly focused on Yuuri’s. They looked at him like the feat of looking away was too much for him to bear and Yuuri had to be the one to break the stare and look down at the floor. It was hopeless to hope, he told himself, continuing slowly to wind the ropes around his hands. What had happened down at the theatre had proved what he had already known all that time. There was no way the world was going to accept them; there was no way this was going to work.

“Yuuri, please… look at me.” He heard Victor plead as he stepped closer but he still didn’t look up. “They are small-minded people, they don’t know anything.” In the corner of his vision, Yuuri saw a pale hand reaching for his own but he hastily pulled his away. Victor painfully hesitated, watching as Yuuri held both hands up to his chest and half-turned away from him. “Why do you care so much about what they think anyway?”

“It’s not just them.” Yuuri whispered, his voice raspy and harsh from crying. There was an underlying bitterness to his tone that Victor had never heard before and when Yuuri lifted his head and turned back enough for Victor to see his eyes, there was anger burning in their brown cores. “You’ve never had someone look at you the way your parents looked at me. Like I was dirt under their fancy shoes, like I was a mess they had to clean up.” Victor raised his hand again to rest it on Yuuri’s shoulder but he shoved it away and pushed past him to walk towards the centre of the ring. “That’s the way people would look at us.”

“So?” Victor ran after him, his shoes grinding prints into the sawdust as he followed Yuuri closely into the ring. “That doesn’t matter. My parents look at anyone who isn’t high Russian aristocracy that way, they know nothing about you. And as for everyone else, I don’t care about them. They can do what they want, they can’t hurt us if we don’t let them…”

“You don’t get it!” Yuuri snapped, suddenly turning and staring directly into Victor’s eyes and making him fell like he was burning them out of his sockets. The air around them both was hot like a licking flame but not in the way it usually felt. This wasn’t tension, it was pure destructive rage and Victor knew they were no longer just talking about what just happened at the theatre. “You don’t know what it is like to have people look at you and hate you just from the way you look. You don’t know what it feels like to be alone in a place where no one looks like you and no one is willing to give you a second glance because of it. You don’t know how it feels to stare out of your window and see crowds gathering outside your home with torches and pitchforks because they hate you so much, they want you to leave and they keep yelling for you to go home even though this is the only home you’ve ever known…” He gave a sob and quickly dipped his head, not wanting to let Victor see him crying again. For a moment, he thought that Victor had left; the air around him felt so quiet and empty, he was convinced his angry words had made him leave. Then, he felt soft fingers curl around his own, gripping them tightly like they were trying to leave their imprint on his skin.

“You’re right.” Victor whispered softly, letting his head droop softly so he was almost touching Yuuri. “You’re right, I don’t know what any of that feels like. My life, although I’ve hated parts of it, has been privileged and I’ve grown up never knowing how lucky I am to be readily accepted. I know I am an idiot when it comes to this and all I can do is plead ignorance and hope that you forgive me. The only thing I know is that I need you with me.” Yuuri could feel Victor’s eyes on him, soft and wanting as he almost begged him to keep listening. “You know I want you, it’s not a secret I try to hide. And I know you want me too. Why can’t we just think of us for a change and not everyone else?”

He clasped his hand and brought himself closer, so close that Yuuri thought he might drown in his presence. He was still trying to focus on the ropes he had wrapped around his arms, waiting there like coiled springs ready to send him flying into the air but Victor’s words were like anchors and they kept him attached to the ground. Each word he spoke was full of love and hope and Yuuri could feel it seeping into him. He wanted to feel hopeful, he wanted to feel like this would all be possible but he couldn’t let himself and he stepped back, wanting to get away. Victor however, wasn’t ready to let him and he kept their hands firmly together as he brought the other hand up to Yuuri’s chin and gently tilted it so that he was looking into his eyes.

“Please,” he whispered raggedly, like it was taking all his effort to get the words out. “I know you think it is impossible but you’re here now, with me.” He pressed both their hands to his chest and Yuuri softly gasped. He could faintly feel the thudding of Victor’s heart, still calming down from the running and it felt like the sound was being echoed in his own body. “If both of us want this, who can stop us? Who can stop me if I decide that you’re my destiny?”

For a moment, Yuuri just stared at him, his eyes wide as Victor’s hand stroked his chin before trailing up his jawline and stroking the soft hair above his ear. His fingers were light as ribbons as they skimmed his skin and all Yuuri wanted to do was turn his head and bury his face in the palm of that warm hand that was promising him the world. Before he could give in, he forced himself away and tugged at the rope. He couldn’t let himself give in, not now.

Victor barely had time to say another word before there was a thud behind him and Yuuri was gone. As the rope flew upwards, Yuuri was shot up into the air like an arrow fired from a bow and Victor could only watch from the ground helplessly as Yuuri swung through the rafters above him. He could only just see him up there as he moved through the air like he had wings and his heart filled with despair. Now that he was up in the air, how was he supposed to get him down?

However, a moment later, he heard the workings of the ropes start to creak behind him and when he jerked his head up, he could see the hoop was slowly lowering itself down. Yuuri was hanging from it by his arms, his elbows locked in place over the hoop as his legs curled almost lazily below him. Victor watched him breathlessly as he continued to slowly make his way towards the ground. He looked like he was floating, like an angel gracefully falling to earth and, like a devoted worshipper, he wanted to fall to his knees. He thought that Yuuri would let himself come back to the ground but when his feet were almost at the height of Victor’s head, the hoop stopped and Yuuri neatly flipped himself up into a sitting position. He looked daintily down at Victor as he took a step back in awe and sighed.

“Victor, listen to me,” he said and Victor felt his heart plummet. “I know you mean well but you don’t realise that both our hands are tied. You think it’s easy for us to be together but it’s not. Everyone is going to be against it and think of what could happen to you. Your family could disown you, your fans would be disgusted and wouldn’t go to see your plays… I could ruin you and I refuse to let that happen. You think I don’t want to run to you and I do, believe me, I really do…” He faltered for a moment, squeezing his eyes shut in an attempt to hold more tears back but he could already feel them on his cheeks. “But there are mountains in the way Victor and we aren’t going to be able to climb them. There are doors not even you can walk though.”

He leant back, kicking up his legs to wrap them around the rope that held the hoop in place. Bending them to secure him in place, he used his arms to push himself up, until his hands were clutching the warm part of the metal where his thighs had just sat and he was completely upside down. Victor watched spellbound as he let his body drop, leaving his head dangling at the same level as his own. Their eyes met on the same line, brown staring into blue, and Victor could feel the same electricity from the first time he had seen those eyes coursing through him. The situation was strikingly similar, he realised with a jolt; once again Yuuri was up in the air and he had his feet firmly planted on the ground. Once again, Yuuri’s eyes were wide in surprise as he stared into them and once again, Victor felt at his complete and utter mercy. The only difference was that the two of them were so much closer, their faces barely a foot apart, and when Victor reached up a hand to again touch Yuuri’s hair, he didn’t move away. He dug his fingers into the silky black locks as his other hand went to caress his cheek and Yuuri continued to hang there, his hands closing over Victor’s like he wasn’t sure whether he should push them away or hold them closer. His face was torn with anguish and all Victor wanted to do was smooth it all away.

“You don’t know what we are capable of yet.” He said, daring to let his face drift a little closer to Yuuri’s. “We can do incredible things together Yuuri, I don’t care what mountains or doors there are. In here, it doesn’t matter- in the circus, anyone can be what they want to be, isn’t that what Ciao Ciao always says?”

“That’s the whole point.” Yuuri answered sadly. “Within these walls, we’re able to be just you and me but when we go outside, everything goes wrong. At first, we’ll fight it will seem like everything is going well but one day you’re going to wake up and see that it was hopeless after all.” 

Victor looked at him stunned. “How could I ever think this was hopeless?” He asked. “Yuuri, if I woke up next to you, whatever morning it was, the only thing I would be thinking is that I was blessed beyond belief.” He came a little closer and Yuuri could see the sadness crystallised in his eyes. “Don’t you believe me?”

Yuuri almost sobbed. “I do… but I know you won’t feel that way forever.” He said, tearfully looking away. The hoop was slowly starting to glide upwards, in keeping with the act he usually performed with it, and he had to force himself to let Victor go. “You won’t be able to change how people think Victor, no matter how hard you fight, and one day, you’ll get fed up of it. I know because I’m fed up of fighting, I’m fed up of trying to be accepted in a world that clearly doesn’t want me. I want you but it’s not up to you and it’s not up to me… not when everyone tells us what we’re meant to be.” He closed his eyes and turned away, feeling like his heart was shattering as Victor’s fragile fingertips on his face disappeared out of reach. “Please, you can’t keep saying these things, it hurts too much…”

“No!” Yuuri’s world suddenly lurched to the side and he opened his eyes to see a burst of starlight-coloured hair was floating just underneath him. He gripped the sides of the hoop to steady it and gasped when he looked down and saw what had caused it. Victor had leapt up and grabbed the bottom of the hoop with both hands and as it continued to travel upwards, he was dangling from it desperately like he was on a cliff edge. He lifted his head to see Yuuri’s panicked eyes staring down at him and he tried to pull himself up, gritting his teeth as the effort grew too much.

“Victor what are you doing?” 

“I’m not letting you do this to yourself Yuuri!” Victor told him, his eyes determinedly locked on Yuuri’s and they were suddenly so magnetic, all the angry words on his tongue fell away. “I’m not letting you walk away from me, not now that I know how you feel. I know you think I won’t stay but I’m here now telling you I will be. I know you keep saying that this can’t happen, that fate is drawing you miles away but who cares about fate?! Why don’t we make our own? We could rewrite the stars! I’ll tell the whole world you were made to be mine because I know it! I’d rearrange the whole sky for you!”

“Victor, you’re going to fall!” Yuuri cried out as Victor’s knuckles became whiter and more strained as he fought to hold onto the hoop. He let go suddenly and Yuuri nearly screamed but thankfully, Victor’s feet had only been a short distance above the ground and he landed safely with a loud thud. He looked up as Yuuri spiralled into the sky and loudly cursed. How was he going to prove himself to Yuuri when he couldn’t even see him?

He frantically looked around the ring for inspiration and his eyes caught on a lone rope that Yuuri had left tied up. That was brilliant! He thought, an idea hitting him as he ran towards it and started to clumsily untie it. If he doesn’t want to talk to me down here, I’ll go up to him. Maybe if I go into Yuuri’s realm, he’ll realise I’m serious about this. I’m never going to let go of him.

He dragged the rope back into the middle of the ring and gave it a tug, hoping that it would propel him into the air like it had for Yuuri. When nothing happened, he frowned down at it, perplexed. Was there a secret to this that he didn’t know about? 

Looking around the ring, inspiration hit him again when his eyes locked on the tall beam that held the ropes in place. There were several of them around the ring, painted in vibrant red and greens to look the part as they held up the building and Victor quickly ran to the nearest one. Ciao Ciao had thankfully had the beams engraved with lavish patterns and the carvings made perfect footholds for climbing up them. This would be perfect, he thought with glee as he tied the rope loosely around his arm and steadily started to climb. If I can get up to the balcony, I’ll be more at Yuuri’s level and then he will have to listen to me. 

Meanwhile, as Victor scaled his way up the beam, Yuuri was watching him aghast from the rafters. His hoop had finally reached the top of the ring and he was staring down in shock as Victor continued to climb, seemingly set on breaking his neck. There’s no safety nets down or anything, he thought with a panic as he reached for the nearest long rope. If he falls, he’s really going to hurt himself. Does that man have a death wish?

“Victor, stop!” He shouted down but his voice fell on deaf ears as Victor finally reached the balcony and clambered up onto its thin metal edge. He hung onto the beam as his feet wobbled and he had to pull on the rope for balance but he managed to stay standing up and he looked up into the sky proudly.

“See Yuuri? I’m not giving up!” He called out, his voice sounding a lot steadier than he actually felt. “I’ll climb up the rest of this beam if I have to! I refuse to give up on you!”

“Victor, I appreciate the gesture but you really need to get down now!” Yuuri yelled down at him, his voice on the edge of frantic. “Otherwise you’re going to-”

Before he could even finish his sentence, his premonition came true as the metal ledge of the balcony wavered under Victor’s feet and sent him toppling forwards. Victor gave a loud cry as he clung to the rope which stopped him from falling straight down and instead sent him swooping around the ring like a crazed spinning top. He suddenly realised the rope was not as long as he first thought as the act of bringing it higher had released its weight and now the end of it was tickling at the soles of his shoes. He could feel his legs were getting tangled in the rope and he had no control as he madly looped the ring. He was a good fifteen feet about the ground and he could feel his sweaty hands were getting rubbed raw as he kept his grip on the rope from pure terror alone. How the hell does Yuuri do this and make it look so easy? He thought, feeling his heart thudding loudly inside his ribcage like it was trying to remind him of the danger of his situation. How is he so graceful doing this…?

Just as those words had entered his head, he felt his grip on the rope begin to slip and he closed his eyes, waiting for the moment when he would slide off completely and hit the ground. Then suddenly, he felt something solid slam forcefully into his side, making the rope fly even faster around the ring and causing him to yelp in terror. His hand slipped down the rope at the jolt of movement but then a hand suddenly enclosed itself around his own and a warm arm wrapped itself around him, holding him close to the solid object like it would never let him go. Victor opened his eyes and his heart soared in his chest. Yuuri was holding his torso firmly against his, one hand holding both ropes as the other made sure he didn’t tumble to the ground. His legs had kicked the ropes away, leaving both their legs free, and as they spun around the ring, Yuuri now in perfect control, Victor found his legs creating a mirror of Yuuri’s own bent legs as they revolved around each other like planets spinning together in their own little galaxy.

“I’m not going to let you fall Victor, not now, not ever.” Yuuri told him. The words were as solemn as a vow but he had a smile on his face that made Victor cling to him even tighter, hardly daring to believe that it was real and all for him. His terror suddenly gave way to a feeling of pure happiness and he wanted to cheer but his throat was suddenly too full to do so. All he could do was stare up at the man who was holding him so tightly and smile and when Yuuri giggled and bent his head to touch his forehead to his, he felt like his cup had run over with joy. The swinging of the rope grew less violent as Yuuri manoeuvred them both to the ground and somehow, even though his legs felt like jelly, Victor managed to land on his feet.  
“Wow.” He whispered breathlessly and Yuuri giggled again. “You are amazing.”

“It’s my day job Victor.” Yuuri said, bashfully looking away. “And I couldn’t let you get hurt like that. Falling… it’s not nice.”

“But that’s all I want to do with you.” Light fingers once again found their way under Yuuri’s chin and when they tilted his head up to look back into Victor’s eyes, he didn’t resist them at all. His eyes were shining like stars when he looked up at them and their sincerity made his breath catch in his throat. “All I want is to fall with you, all I want is to fly with you. As long as you’re here with me, I feel like we could do anything, that anything is possible. And I meant what I said earlier.” Victor’s own breath caught as his hand trailed up to Yuuri’s cheek and their faces inched closer. “I would rewrite the stars for you.”

To both of their surprise, it was Yuuri who, in a sudden flash of boldness, pressed his hand to the back of Victor’s head and drew him closer until their lips met. He curled his fingers into the soft silvery hair as Victor’s hand came to rest on his back, the other still caressing his cheek like he was holding the most precious thing in the world. Yuuri’s other hand travelled to Victor’s hip as their lips moved together slowly, each second being slowly savoured like they would never get this opportunity again. Neither of them dared to move their hands in case they shattered the moment, focusing all their attention on their lips as they kissed each other lighter than a summer breeze. It wasn’t a heated kiss, not one of teeth and tongue and heat, but Victor still was floored by it. The gentle touch of Yuuri’s lips on his and his hand in his hair made his heart swell like it was flying on a trapeze inside him and it was perfect. 

They drew apart after a few long moments, both opening their eyes hazily like they were waking up from a dream. When they caught sight of each other and saw how dazed they both looked, they had to chuckle as they clung to each other tightly, just like they were still dangling from the ropes.

“I can’t believe we just did that.” Yuuri said, his voice muffled slightly by Victor’s shoulder and Victor grinned down at him.

“I know, especially after all that time you spent trying to make me leave.”

“Stop it.” Yuuri whined, his hands buried in the folds of his now extremely creased shirt. “You know why I was saying all that.”

“I know.” Victor smiled as he gave him a soft squeeze. “And I understand why. I imagine I would do the same if I were in your shoes.” 

He felt more than heard Yuuri snort into his shoulder. “I find that very hard to believe. I can’t imagine you being anything other than clingy.”

“Yuuri, how dare you!” Victor tried to say but it came out in a splutter as he couldn’t help but laugh. He had to admit, scaling a beam and climbing onto a balcony high above the ground with just a rope and the high potential of injury to talk to someone was pretty clingy. The fact that he was still pressing Yuuri’s body into his in a tight hug only made it more hilarious and as he held him even tighter, he could hear Yuuri was giggling madly along with him, like they were a couple of children on a demented sugar high. “You don’t mind it though, do you?”

“Not at all.” Yuuri looked up into Victor’s slightly worried face and lifted a hand to smooth away the anxious lines. “I quite like it actually. I’ve never had someone follow me into the air so keenly before. It was… nice.”

Victor could feel a lump forming in his throat at Yuuri’s tentatively hopeful words and he had to hug him again just to make it go away. “I would happily follow you anywhere Yuuri, over oceans, mountains, valleys, all that comes in between… I’ll do it.”

Yuuri smiled as he drew Victor’s head up from his shoulder so he could gently rest his forehead on his. He still felt like he was spinning, like he had just finished a dangerous act on the hoop and his head felt like it was reeling. The fact that he had just kissed Victor and that Victor had kissed him back was astounding to him and he could feel all the walls he had built around himself crumbling with every touch of Victor’s skin on his. As their foreheads leaned into each other’s, he felt like he could suddenly go and perform the most death-defying tricks up in the air with no fear at all. “I know you would.” He said softly, overwhelmed by the abundance of emotions that were making his heart do flips inside his chest. They were so strong, he felt like he could conquer the world, as long as Victor was with him. “I would too.”

The two of them stayed like that for a long moment, happy to just linger in each other’s arms. It felt like, just for a little while, the entire world outside the circus ring had faded away, leaving just the two of them in their bliss. Victor knew that even if the rest of the circus all stormed in at that second and saw them together, he still wouldn’t have let go and he could tell from the way Yuuri’s hands were firmly placed on his back that he felt the same way. He had to smile. He felt like he had been waiting for this moment ever since he had first caught sight of Yuuri’s eyes on that trapeze and it was even better than he had dreamed it would be.

They finally drew apart after a while, Yuuri smiling shyly up at Victor before he suddenly hid his face in the side of Victor’s neck. “I can’t believe this is really happening.”

“You’re telling me.” Victor laughed, running a hand up Yuuri’s back. He could feel every one of Yuuri’s rope-like muscles under his skin and it made him shiver just to think of how strong they were. These were what enabled Yuuri to fly through the air like a bird and what gave him the power to enchant everyone on the trapeze and he wanted to kiss every last one like it was a blessing. “I just tried to scale a building.”

“Damn, you are never going to let me forget that, are you?” Yuuri sighed and Victor felt his breath on his neck. “I could remind you that I did catch you when you fell from that balcony.”

“You could.” Victor conceded before his face split into a devilish grin. “But then I could remind you that I had to buy theatre tickets in Ciao Ciao’s name just to get you to come to the theatre with me, that you threw yourself out of a third storey window just to avoid talking to me and that was after you got drunk at the ball in London and danced with me all night…”

“I did what?!” Yuuri threw his head back and stared at Victor in horror. His eyes were as wide as saucers and his voice got so high and shrill, he sounded like he was screaming. “I was dancing with you when I was drunk?! Oh my god, please tell me I didn’t start stripping…”

“You didn’t take off all your clothes…” Victor said slowly as Yuuri gave a long groan and slumped against him, clinging to his shirt to stop him sliding down to the floor. “You lost your jacket and your tie but your shirt was mostly on! And I didn’t mind, I lost some of my clothes too! Mainly because you were trying to pull them off me...”

Yuuri let out an ungodly howl of embarrassment as he once again tried to hide in Victor’s shirt. “That’s even worse! I must have put the whole circus to shame! I can’t believe I did that, you must have been mortified! No wonder your father hates me, he probably saw me doing that and thought I was-”

“Don’t.” Victor said sharply, cutting through Yuuri’s rant like a knife as he stepped back and cupped Yuuri’s face in both of his hands. His eyes were stormy blue as they looked into Yuuri’s and he felt suddenly transfixed by them, like he really was looking into a force of nature. “Don’t try to justify his hateful opinions with your actions. I’m sorry to say this but he would have disliked you whatever you did, just because I was talking to you. And as for me, I don’t want you to apologise. Why would I be sorry for the best night I’ve ever had in my life? I know you don’t really remember it but I loved dancing with you Yuuri, I loved every single second of it and I don’t want you to forget that.” 

Yuuri sniffed, suddenly feeling tears prickle at his eyes again. “Really?” He asked quietly. “You mean that?”

“Of course I do.” Victor said softly as his thumbs lightly stroked under Yuuri’s eyes, wiping away the tears that had started to fall. “That night was the most wonderful thing to ever happen to me. The only thing I’m sorry about is the fact you don’t remember it.”

“That is disappointing.” Yuuri answered with a sigh. He now felt a little foolish; all this time he had been imagining the worst possible things that could have happened at the ball, thinking something must have gone terribly wrong. He had been certain he had upset Victor and alienated the man for the rest of time but it seemed his drunken counterpart had done the exact opposite. He could see from the sincere look in Victor’s eyes that he meant every word and it made him feel a little guilty. All this time, he had been making assumptions about how Victor would react to him but all of them had been proved false. If he had just remembered that night and seen how happy he was, they wouldn’t have ended up in this mess and not spoken for so long. All the tears and all the pain… they could have all been avoided and that did hurt.

“Maybe it’s for the best though.” He said, earning a look of surprise from Victor. “If I had remembered what I had done in front of your father, I would never have been able to look your parents in the eyes again. And I know me not remembering got us into a big misunderstanding but it got us here, didn’t it?” He reached up a hand to brush Victor’s hair back, wanting to smirk at how his face went from a look of concern to the biggest grin he had ever seen. “And if you ask me, I don’t think this is so bad.”

“You’re right. This was perfect.” Victor replied, pulling Yuuri towards him in another hug. When Yuuri moved his head back to look at him again, unable to keep his eyes away for too long, Victor swiftly took the opportunity to plant a quick kiss on the end of his nose, making him squeal and push him away.

“Victor!”

“Sorry, couldn’t help it,” Victor chuckled, grinning back at him in a way that suggested he easily could have. “You’re just too cute.” A few moments later, after a few more stolen quick kisses which Yuuri made no attempt to fend off, he drew back again and asked Yuuri a question in a more serious tone.

“Yuuri, do you want to know what happened at the ball? I’ve told you a small bit of it but there was more going on as well… but if you don’t want to know, I would completely understand. I don’t want to make you feel any worse for not remembering it.”

Yuuri pondered for a moment, his teeth nervously biting at his lip as he continued to cling to Victor’s arms like he would disappear into smoke if he let go. “Alright.” He eventually said, his voice not sounding that confident. “I do want to know. Tell me everything that happened and I mean everything. I don’t want you to spare anything just because you think I can’t handle it.”

“I would never dream of such a thing.” Victor smiled at him as he took his hand and led him gently to the nearby stands. They both sank gratefully onto the front row of benches, not realising until that moment how tired they were. Victor had been so wrapped up earlier in reaching Yuuri that he had barely noticed how exhausting climbing was, especially after a run across Paris, and it was a wonder, he thought, that he hadn’t already collapsed. “You are one of the strongest people I know Yuuri. I think you could handle most things better than me.”

Yuuri squirmed a little in embarrassment, his cheeks flushing into a pretty pink colour like a peony. “That’s really not hard Victor.” He replied cheekily and Victor’s mouth flew open in surprise.

“Yuuri! How could you offend me like this?” He howled dramatically, pretending to flop offendedly on the bench behind him as Yuuri laughed. “I’ll never get over this slight to my honour.”

“I think you abandoned that ages ago when you got drunk with Chris.” Yuuri told him tartly, laughing again when Victor tried to sharply sit up in outrage and nearly fell off the bench. “Now, tell me about the ball. I really want to know what happened now.”

“OK.” Victor held his arm up and Yuuri helpfully took it, hoisting him up into a sitting position with a strength and speed that nearly gave Victor whiplash. “So, it all started when Chris and Phichit were teasing you…”

As the events of the ball in London unfurled, Victor kept a close eye on how Yuuri reacted to it. He knew the acrobat had told him not to spare a single detail of the night but recounting some of it was painful, even for him. When he had to tell Yuuri what his father had said about him, he could see the way Yuuri’s face seemed to fall in on itself, his lips trembling a little and more tears catching on his eyelashes. It hurt him to see his beloved in such turmoil; he had hoped that night that Yuuri would never have to hear these words and yet here they were, coming from his own mouth like poison darts. They were bitter on his tongue and he breathed a small sigh of relief when he spoke of the way he had stormed off, leaving his father in the crowd as he raced to get away from him. Even Yuuri had looked shocked that he had walked away from his father and when he started to talk about the dancing, Yuuri was practically on the edge of his seat.

“I never!” He blurted out when Victor mentioned how he had dipped him in front of an audience of scandalised British aristocrats. “I would never have done that if I was sober!” He sighed deeply and chuckled whilst shaking his head. “Still, it’s nothing compared to what my father would get up to when he was drunk. Compared to him, I’m practically civilised and tame… I must have gotten his genes when it came to alcohol tolerance. Lucky me.”

“Your father?” Victor was startled and he leant closer. He had never heard Yuuri mention any of his family and to learn that he had gotten this trait from a close family member was a tantalising piece of information. “What did he do that was worse than stripping in the middle of a ballroom in London?” 

“Dear me, where do I start?” Yuuri laughed, suddenly much sunnier than before. “Every new year, we used to host a party in our bath house which everyone in the town would come to, and each year my father would get drunk on saké and manage to do something even crazier than the last. When I was six, he somehow climbed up the side of our house and spend half the night dancing on the roof and singing old sea shanties that he only knew half the words to. When I was eight, he woke up the next morning completely naked in one of our baths and when he asked my mother what had happened, she told him he had been trying to become a fish and had offered up his frail human body to the gods at least seven times.” He chuckled loudly at the memory, a dazzling smile on his face and it was so infectious, Victor had to smile too. “He always promised to tone it down but he never did. I don’t know how my mother put up with it.”

“I wouldn’t know either.” Victor said, still laughing. “Your father sounds like quite a character.”

“Oh, he was. Is.” Yuuri said, his good mood suddenly dropping as he hastily corrected himself. He looked away from Victor, his eyes focused on the middle of the circus ring and Victor noticed that he was anxiously fiddling with his fingers, plucking at them like they were violin strings. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him for many years now.”

“You haven’t?” Victor’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline in response. He had known Yuuri didn’t see much of his family; many of the circus members didn’t have regular contact with their families as most of them were far from home, had been completely cut off from them, or in some sad cases, both. Most of them considered the circus their new family, one that they were happy with and who accepted them as they were, and it was obvious that Yuuri was one of them. However, he hadn’t expected that the gap had been that long, especially from the fond way Yuuri had just recalled his family. The memories, whilst they had been happy, had clearly stirred up something painful inside him and Victor gently extended an arm to offer some comfort. “Why? Did something happen with you and your family?”

“No. Not really…” Yuuri deeply sighed as Victor inched closer and curled his arm around his shoulders. He allowed himself to be led to Victor’s side, breathing in his familiar smell of cologne and letting the comfort of it wash over him. It was strange for him to be revisiting these memories. He had been pushing them away for so long, forcing them to stay in the back of his mind but now that he had started to recall them, he couldn’t stop. “It was… I don’t know how to explain it. It’s an awfully long story and the reason we got separated… it was all my fault.”

He looked close to tears again, his eyes rimmed with red, and Victor softly squeezed his shoulders as his other hand reached for Yuuri’s fists that he had tightly clasped in his lap. “Hey, it’s OK,” he whispered softly, his hand unclenching Yuuri’s claw-like fingers as he took his hand properly. “You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. I get that it is painful and I don’t want you to hurt anymore tonight because of me. But we have the rest of the night and if you want to talk, I am a ready and willing listener. And, who knows, it might be better if you talk about it with someone. It will make it less of a load to bear.”

Yuuri looked up at him curiously, his eyes shining. There was some doubt in the lines of his face, like he really wasn’t sure if it would work but Victor could see there was hope in his eyes as well. “You think that will work?”

“I’m positive.” Victor said with another squeeze of his shoulders, and Yuuri took a deep breath.

“OK.” He said, his voice a little unsure but still determined. “I’ll tell you. But I don’t want you to think any less of me.”

“That would never happen Yuuri.” Victor told him. “I could do nothing of the sort.” 

Yuuri smiled thankfully up at him and tightened his hold on Victor’s hand. “Thank you.” He said softly, before he looked back at the middle of the circus ring and started his story.

“I was born in Japan in a town called Hasetsu on the coast. It wasn’t an especially big place but it was famous across the country for its hot springs and people used to flock there from miles around to enjoy its waters. My family owned one of the most prominent bath houses, right on top of one of the hills. That was where I grew up with my mother, my father and my older sister Mari. My parents loved their business and people returned to our hot springs over and over again just because of them. Me and my sister used to help out around the place, even when we were really young. My job used to be fetching towels for people as they were leaving the waters; I can remember all the old ladies used to coo at me because I was so small.” He laughed a little at the memory, shaking his head a little at the same time. “My hair used to get ruffled so often, my mother used to have to chase me around with a comb.”

“That’s so adorable.” Victor said, imagining a tiny Yuuri with chubby round cheeks and fluffy black hair and trying not to combust at the cuteness. “What were your mother and sister like?”

“My mother was incredible,” Yuuri replied, another even wider smile on his face. “She was hands down the best cook in Hasetsu and nobody even tried to dispute it. She was always in the kitchen cooking and the smells that wafted through the house were so good, people would fight for seats in our dining room. My favourite was her katsudon… it was so delicious, people used to call it the food of the gods. She knew how much I loved it so she used to make it all the time… it made me fairly chubby I must admit but I didn’t really care, as long as I got to keep eating it.” He laughed fondly again as Victor had to stop himself from squealing a little at the thought of an even cuter small Yuuri. “And my sister, well she could be a bit of a handful sometimes. She was always running around the place, helping my mother with the food and the guests and she wasn’t afraid to speak her mind around them, which some of them didn’t really like. She used to tease me a lot too but if anyone else tried to, they would get cut down pretty quickly. She was always very protective of me because I was her younger brother- she got into a few fights with some of the boys because they were bullying me and they were terrified of her. One of them was so scared of her, he saw her running towards him once and he wet himself.” 

“I like her already.” Victor said and Yuuri smirked at him.

“I’m sure you would, especially if she gave you a shovel talk.” He responded, chuckling when Victor paled a little. “I’m sure she would approve of you though, after a while.”

“Thank heavens for that.” Victor gave a sigh of relief. “So, what happened to your bath house? It sounded like you were really happy there.”

“I was.” Yuuri sighed deeply before he looked straight down at the dusty floor beneath his feet. “I lived there until I was ten and I was really happy there. I loved the bath house but I was too young to notice what was happening outside it. Japan had always been a secluded country which meant that we were closed off to foreign trade but then all of a sudden, men from the west were demanding that we open the country and allow us to trade with them. Our country had always been very traditional and then suddenly we were thrown into the modern age. We had all this new technology and our ways were at a serious disadvantage. The old ways started dying and people started flocking to the bigger cities where all the new industry and change was. That meant in Hasetsu, we started to lose business and the famous bath houses all started to close. Before we realised it, we were one of the only ones left and even then, we were barely getting by. The place began to get emptier and emptier and my parents realised that we couldn’t go on for much longer. That’s when my father came up with the crazy idea that we should go to America.”

“That does seem pretty wild, given that it was America who probably demanded that you open your borders.” Victor pondered. “Why did he think of that?”

Yuuri shrugged. “There were a few reasons. He knew that the cities in Japan were overflowing with people looking for jobs and he doubted he and my mother would have much chance. Staying in Japan seemed pretty hopeless but my father thought we could completely reinvent ourselves in America. Everyone knew that it was a land paved with gold, that there were jobs aplenty and you could be whoever you wanted to be. That was the place all this new and exciting modern industry was coming from and my father figured that if we wanted the best life, we should go right to the source of it. There was also a great call for workers to help build the railways and it was meant to be good money. So, when I was ten, we sold the bath house, packed up what we could and my father spent the last of what we had left on tickets to America.”

Yuuri chuckled again weakly. “Looking back on it, it seems like a foolish idea but at the time, I was really excited. I was also really seasick on the boat for all the weeks it took us to get there so I remember feeling relieved when we finally got off. We landed in America on the West Coast and the whole place seemed so huge compared to Hasetsu… there were factories that seemed bigger than my whole town and the houses looked so strange because they had no paper walls inside. And all of the food seemed to be in cans…” He shook his head again. “I was used to living in a coastal town where the fish was always fresh. I can remember asking someone where the fish was and they pointed to fish paste! I was appalled the first time I had sardines in a tin- I gagged when somebody mentioned them for a week afterwards.”

He gave a small smile but it quickly disappeared when he continued. “We all thought America would be where all our dreams came true but it soon became apparent we had walked into a nightmare. My father quickly got a job in on the railways and we were moved into this tiny rented flat in a building that we shared with four other families. We had only two rooms to ourselves and even though my father was away a lot for work, it still felt cramped after our lovely big house in Japan. I believe the owners were meant to put a bathroom in but they never cared enough to do so and the only toilet was the shared one in the shed out the back. I used to hate going out there and I always feared that the children in the rest of the house would push me in. My mother tried to be cheerful and keep the place clean and tidy but it was difficult because the whole neighbourhood lived in filth. Some people used to pour their chamber pots out of the window and if they saw us coming, they would aim for us. We tried to have baths a lot like we had back home but the only way we could have one was by dragging this giant tub in and filling it with water heated on the cast iron stove. My mother hated having to do it so after a while we stopped. She tried to put up paper over the windows so we could have our privacy but we could hear all of the yelling from the people around it. The man below us used to beat his wife and each night we could hear him yelling and then her screaming. My mother tried to get work for her and us so that we could get out of that place but people would shut the door in her face and say they didn’t want her working at a respectable place. My father tried to save but he was already working long shifts and his pay was still only just enough to keep us together.

The worst part about it was all of the hatred we got. The other families hated us and their children were horrible to me and my sister; they called us yellow monkeys and told us they were above us because we belonged in a jungle. One of the women used to spit at us if she met us in the hallway and when my mother spoke out about it, she got spat at too. We were used to living in our own home where we had our privacy and where we were respected so it was a massive shock to come here and find that we were considered savages. People treated their dogs better than they treated us. It felt honestly like we were living in hell and my mother cried herself to sleep a lot. She tried to make the best of it because she wanted me and my sister to thrive here but it was obvious she hated every minute of it.” He rapidly blinked as the floor began to blur. “All I wanted to do was go home but I knew we couldn’t.”

“Yuuri…” Victor was speechless. He couldn’t believe the horrible thing he was hearing but he could hear from Yuuri’s wobbling voice that every bit of it was true. It gave him a sick feeling in his stomach. How could anyone treat another person in that way? He just didn’t understand it and he didn’t know what to say to make it better, if anything could. All he could do was hold Yuuri tightly in his arms and pray he didn’t fall to pieces. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s OK.” Yuuri sniffed, rubbing at his eyes. “That was a very long time ago. I was scared but I eventually got used to it. After a while, I learned to shut most of it out, I managed to stomach the food, I made friends in the neighbourhood. I began to learn English and after a year here, I was fluent. My sister quickly learned it too but my parents never quite got the hang of it. My father didn’t get much chance to speak at the factory and he was always too tired after work to learn it. My mother tried to converse with us in English but she didn’t get the chance to go out much and speak it like we did. I wish I had spent more time trying to teach them both… maybe if I had, things would have worked out differently.”

Victor frowned. “What do you mean? What happened?”

Yuuri heaved in a deep breath, like the air around him had suddenly turned to concrete. “Well…”

“You can stop if you want.” Victor said with a squeeze of his hand. His thumb was tracing large circles on Yuuri’s skin in the hopes of reassuring him and Yuuri smiled as he looked down at it.

“I’m fine, it’s just… this is the worst bit to remember.” 

As Victor continued to gently stroke his hand to comfort him, Yuuri sniffed and took another deep breath. His lungs felt like they were trying to breathe in the sawdust that was scattered thickly on the floor and his throat was so tight, it felt like it was about to close up at any second but still he found himself speaking, his head leaning closer and closer to Victor’s shoulder with every word that passed his lips. “When I was twelve, when I thought we had finally settled into everything, that’s when the police turned up at our door. It was late at night when we heard a loud knocking on the door and I remember my parents looking at each other in fear, knowing it was something bad. My father went to the door and he stood there talking with these men for what seemed like hours. They were getting more and more aggressive with each minute and my father, who only really spoke passable English, was getting more and more flustered. I don’t really remember what the problem was; all the men kept saying was that there was something wrong with our papers and that we needed to leave the country immediately. My parents were horrified; they had given up everything in Japan they had for this new start in America and now we were being told we had to go back with nothing to show for it. My sister and I had been told to stay in the bed but I was scared by all the shouting and I went to the door to see if my parents were alright. That was when one of the policemen saw me and he tried to grab me, probably to try and force my parents to comply. That’s when it all went wrong. I started screaming and my father, enraged that they had dared to touch me, lunged for them and punched the guy in the face. My mother was shrieking for them to stop but they didn’t pay any attention to her and I could hear my sister screaming as well. When my father punched the policeman, it made him drop me and I was so panicked and scared, I just started running. I ran away from my mother, I ran down the stairs out of our building and down the street. I wasn’t even sure where I was running to, I just knew I had to get away from the bad people who were trying to hurt me. I ran until I couldn’t run anymore and when I collapsed to my knees and looked around, I had no idea where I was. I was completely lost.”

He rubbed frantically at his eyes, his knees bending upwards into his chest as he curled in on himself like he was trying to form a protective shield around his body. “I remember looking up at the night sky and feeling so scared and alone, I just sat there crying. I was in a neighbourhood I had never seen before, it was dark and cold, I was exhausted from running so much and there was no one around to help me. It felt like I had run to the other end of the world and I was about to fall off like in those old sailor stories. I was so tired, all I could do was crawl to the nearest bench and fall asleep on it. I was then woken up in the morning by an old man who beat me with his newspaper and told me to go away. I ran away crying again. In the daylight, the place was still unrecognisable and I thought I would never get home to my family.

It took me the rest of the morning but I eventually found a place I recognised as being on the fringes of my neighbourhood and I started to race back home. I was so relieved to get back there, I was certain the nightmare would be all over, that my parents would have sorted out the whole mess and made the bad men go away. However, when I got up to the flat, the door was open and there was nothing inside. All of my family’s meagre possessions were gone and they were nowhere to be seen. I spent ages running around the flat looking in every nook and cranny, calling their names like by some miracle, they would just appear out of nowhere but they never did. The bad men had taken them away.

I tried to stay in the flat, hoping that they would come and get me but the owners quickly moved new tenants in and they kicked me out. After that, I ended up living on the streets. I had to sleep on door frames and in shop fronts and each morning I would get chased away by somebody different. I tried to get jobs so I could earn some money but nobody would employ me and as time went on and I got dirtier and dirtier from living on the streets, the chances of me getting a job grew slimmer and slimmer. I had to steal food to survive and I hated it. I was small and fast so it didn’t take me long to get good at it but I used to think of how my mother would react if she saw me like this and it made me want to break down in tears. She was always a proud woman, she would have been distraught to see the state I had been forced into.

It was when I was on the streets that I first heard about you. There was an old manuscript of some of your early work on the back of a cart going to the tip and I stole it because I thought I could make some money from it. I was going to sell it but then I opened the first page in curiosity and I didn’t stop reading til sundown. There was an old picture of you inside the cover too and when I saw it, I thought you were the most beautiful person I had ever seen. You were so pale and flawless, I honestly didn’t think you were real. Then, when I was scouring the news sheets one day, there was a picture of you in a suit looking even more handsome and after that, I had a bit of a massive crush on you. You were so inspirational and your words were so enrapturing, when I read your plays, I could forget for a moment just how wretched my life was. I could forget that I had lost my whole family, I could forget that I was homeless in a foreign country with seemingly no chance of ever bettering myself… all I had to do was read your plays and I could escape for a few minutes.” He blushed heavily, taking the moment to hide his head in Victor like an ostrich hiding its head in the sand. “That’s when I started collecting pictures… I really hope you don’t find that creepy.”

“Not at all.” Victor rushed to say, feeling elated. To hear that his words had had such an impact on Yuuri and that they had helped him through the darkest time in his life was the greatest compliment his writing had ever had and he squeezed Yuuri gratefully as he ran his hand through his silky black hair. “I’m incredibly flattered Yuuri. I can’t believe I had a fan this cute for so many years and I never even knew.”

“Victorrrrrrrr,” Yuuri groaned in embarrassment, laughing a little as Victor dropped his hand to tickle at his sides, making him scrunch up and wriggle to try and get away from him. “Stop it, I’m trying to be serious and sincere here!”  
“And so am I.” Victor answered, pausing in his torture to pull Yuuri once again to his side and cuddle him. “To know that what I wrote helped you in that way… it makes everything I did to be a writer worth it. That’s all I ever wanted to do, inspire people and let them escape their lives for a time. I just never believed I did it so successfully.”

Yuuri smiled up at him, his eyes gleaming happily as he wound his arms around Victor and copied his embrace. It was a little strange to have so much physical contact with him after he had spent all that time avoiding him but at the same time, it still felt right, like he was supposed to have been doing this all along. “You did,” he said softly. “You practically saved my life, along with Ciao Ciao and Phichit.”

“Yes, I was going to ask what happened with those two.” Victor said, drawing back a little so he could see Yuuri’s face again. “How did you get involved in the circus after all that?”

“Ahh,” Yuuri said, finally smiling again. “That’s a rather funny story. I met Ciao Ciao because I tried to rob him.”

“You what?!” Victor exclaimed in total astonishment. “You did not!”

“I did.” Yuuri said, his innocent face smiling up at him. Victor could feel his jaw swinging as he gawped at the man. He would never have expected something like that to come from his sweet Yuuri and he was beginning to wonder what other hidden talents Yuuri was hiding. “I spent three years on the streets and it didn’t take me long to realise that I would have to step up my stealing game to survive. Before, I had been taking things from the backs of rubbish carts and from people’s bins but that wasn’t getting me anywhere. I knew after a while, I would have to be bolder and I soon realised I was quite good at pickpocketing. I started stealing food from stalls, taking big loaves of bread and just running off- I was small and very nimble so I nearly always got away. And pickpocketing was very lucrative. It meant I didn’t need to sell crappy stuff to get money, I could just take it out of people’s pockets. It made life a bit easier but it also meant I had to keep moving. Because I was Japanese, I stuck out like a sore thumb and so when people started to look out for me, I went to the next town. I must have travelled miles and miles up the coast and then I went further inland for fresh pickings. That’s when I met Ciao Ciao.

I had just reached this new place and I was searching for someone who looked like they had deep pockets. I hated doing the actual stealing but I had learned what to look out for- the people who looked the richest often didn’t miss the few cents I took from the pockets of their fine coats. I had been waiting there a while when I saw this tall gentleman walking across the square. He had a long ponytail, the tallest top hat I’d ever seen and he was wearing a smart suit with a purple tie. He looked like an extravagant man and he was a perfect-looking target. I waited until he had paused to adjust his hat and then I rolled a cent over, spinning it so it would land just in front of him. One trick I had learnt was that rich people can’t resist free money and they always bent over to pick up the coin, allowing me to empty their pockets. I saw him bend over and reach for the coin and I quickly scurried behind him. However, just as I was about to slip my hand in his pocket, his big brown hand shot round and grabbed my wrist. I panicked and just stood there, completely frozen; I had never been caught before and I was convinced I was going to be beaten until I couldn’t stand. However, instead of being angry, the gentleman just turned around, still holding my wrist and laughed.

‘Ah, the old cent trick, he said, one of my old favourites. He then looked and me and asked ‘How old are you son?’

‘I’m 15 sir.’

‘You don’t look like you’re from around these parts.’

‘I’m Japanese.’ I told him. I was still scared to death, thinking that he was going to hand me over to the authorities but he just kept asking me things. I was terrified but he had such a friendly face and he spoke so nicely to me, I couldn’t help but tell him the truth. Nobody had said anything that nice to me in years.

‘What’s your name?’ He then asked.

‘Yuuri Katsuki.’

‘Well, Yuuri Katsuki,’ he then asked, putting my cent back in the palm of my hand. ‘How would you like to become my new business associate?” 

Victor’s eyes went comically wide. “He really asked you that?”

“Yes, he did.” Yuuri said. “After that, he took me back to his home and he explained what he wanted to do. He said he was the owner of a museum in a big city far away from there and that he was looking for some new entertainments. Apparently, people weren’t coming to see the dead stuffed things he had in the museum so now he was scouring the country looking for live ones. And that’s where I came in.” He shrugged his shoulders awkwardly. “Looking back on it now, it could have been really dodgy but I was so desperate to get away from the streets and so glad that he wasn’t throwing me in jail that I would have agreed to anything. He had already enlisted Phichit, who like me had been a pickpocket that had tried to steal from him, and he told us that with our agility and our quickness, we would make great acrobats. He then started to train us and within two years, we were flying through the air on everything Ciao Ciao could create for us.”

“Really?”

“Really.” Yuuri nodded enthusiastically. “Learning acrobatics basically saved me. After a few lessons, Ciao Ciao said I was a natural and I soon realised I loved being up in the air. It gave me a place of real superiority and I loved the fact that nobody else could touch me. When I was up there, it felt like all my problems were on the ground and I could just forget about them all. Phichit and I worked really hard and a few years ago, Ciao Ciao decided that he needed to properly audition people instead of just picking them off the streets. That’s when the circus began and that led us up to this.”

“That’s incredible.” Victor said in awe, hugging Yuuri again and making him giggle. “I can’t believe that you came from the streets and raised yourself up to this. You performed in front of the Queen of England just a few weeks ago!”

“I know, that was amazing.” Yuuri said, his eyes sparkling as he recalled the memory of swooping above the English audience and hearing their gasps. “I never thought I could ever do that, none of us could. Phichit was on the streets too after he lost his parents to disease and he never thought he would be able to do this. I remember when we started training, he was terrified… he refused to climb up any of the ropes and when Ciao Ciao finally coerced him up there, he nearly threw up. It took him ages to feel comfortable up there, that’s mainly why he sticks to the trapeze and lets me do all the other stuff. And Ciao Ciao, he was on the streets when he was young too. His father was a tailor and he was being trained as his assistant but he died when Ciao Ciao was 12, the same age I was. He lived on the streets for years until he managed to get a job on the railways, funnily enough. He then managed to earn enough to clean himself up and then he got a job in a bank. He was there for a while, enjoying the fact he didn’t have to steal for a living but then he got bored and took a risk by buying the museum.” He laughed loudly. “Did you know he used a whole fleet of sunken ships as his collateral at the bank? He pretended they were his and in the harbour, when they were actually at the bottom of the China sea.”

“To be honest, knowing him that doesn’t surprise me at all.” Victor responded dryly, making Yuuri giggle as he snuggled up closer to him. For a moment, the two once again enjoyed the blissful silence before Victor whispered something in Yuuri’s ear. 

“I’m really glad you told me about your past Yuuri. I know it was difficult but I appreciated it all. I’m proud of you, for everything. You really are amazing.”

“This whole circus is amazing.” Yuuri said dreamily. “It really does allow people to be whatever they want to be.” He looked up at Victor, his eyes glowing like bad stars about to explode. “Not bad for a couple of street urchins, right?”

Victor laughed, grinning from ear to ear as he pulled Yuuri closer, feeling like a million of his dreams had come true all at once. “Not bad at all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, this chapter is done! I had to rewrite this a lot because this was such an important scene and I kept feeling like it wasn’t right but I am now very happy with it. It is also miles longer than I thought it would be so that is a bonus too!
> 
> I would like to round off with a few notes on the historical accuracy of Yuuri’s backstory. I had to do some research to make sure that what I was saying wasn’t complete rubbish and I learnt quite a lot. The important things to note are...
> 
> -In 1853, Japan did open the country after it had been closed for over 220 years (they did still trade, the whole policy was very complicated). The policy was called Sakoku and it was ended after pressure from America to open the country. This naturally had a big effect on Japan but I can’t say whether it made more people move to cities. I kind of nicked that idea from what happened in England.
> 
> -Japanese immigrants did come to work on railways but they only started to come to America in the 1880’s after America passed laws heavily restricting Chinese immigrants from coming to the country. I decided to make this happen a little earlier just so Yuuri’s father would have a job that Japanese immigrants would have done.
> 
> -Canned food first came about in 1810. Who knew! Fish paste was also first created in Byzantium (I looked up some odd things).
> 
> -The examples of discrimination I used here mostly came from my own head. However, Japanese immigrants did face a lot of discrimination in America, particularly at the start of the 20th century after Japan won the Russo-Japanese war despite being vastly outmanned. This made a lot of people fear the Japanese and there were actual organisations set up against them in California where most of them lived. They had names like Japanese Exclusion League of California and Native Sons and Daughters of the Golden West (of course). They also passed a lot of laws to make their lives difficult which are sadly too numerous to list here.
> 
> There is of course a lot more to the history of Japanese immigrants than this and if you want to look into it further, you would probably find some holes but hopefully they aren’t too plentiful. I am a mere history student who has never touched the full rich history of Japan so I probably will have gotten something wrong. My aim was to try and be more historically accurate than the actual Greatest Showman movie which really wasn’t hard…
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this massive chapter and if you did, please leave a comment! It would make it all worth it! And thank you for putting up with my shameless quoting! You don't want to know how many times I watched Rewrite the Stars...


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